The blue-black night enveloped the car’s interior, while the whistling wind outside the windows pushed the silent atmosphere to its breaking point.
From the apartment to the seaside villa, neither of them spoke a word, both of them harboring a suppressed fire in their hearts.
A few stray raindrops began to patter against the glass. The sky seemed to be brewing a dark emotion, and the surface of the sea was far from calm.
Once they reached the house and Jin Yan parked the car, Zhou Shu sat in his seat in a daze for a moment before slowly unbuckling his seatbelt.
“I’m going inside now,” Zhou Shu said, reaching for the door.
“Brother… what about me?” Jin Yan caught his hand. Zhou Shu’s gaze shifted back toward him.
He knitted his brows in silence for a long moment, making a difficult decision. “Go home and wait for me, okay?”
At this moment, Zhou Shu needed to be alone to organize his thoughts. He also wanted to call out to Zhou Duo again to see if he could get any response.
Jin Yan’s throat tightened. He took a breath and nodded slightly. “Okay. But can you promise me… tell me as soon as you’re not angry anymore?”
His voice trailed off with a hint of a plea, making Zhou Shu’s heart ache.
“Okay. I’ll come find you once I’ve calmed down.”
After Zhou Shu left, Jin Yan didn’t drive away. He sat in the car and watched Zhou Shu walk through the gates of the Zhou residence, his silhouette appearing lonely and helpless.
He desperately wanted to rush over, hold him, and stay by his side, but he chose to respect Zhou Shu’s wishes.
If Zhou Shu needed space to calm down, he would give him all the space he needed.
If Zhou Shu needed him, he would appear before him instantly.
They shared a bond deeper than ever now, so he never wanted—and would never allow—the two of them to experience what had happened last time ever again.
*But how long is Brother going to be angry this time…*
He didn’t know, and he didn’t dare pester him with coaxing. He only wanted to be obedient and do as Zhou Shu said.
As soon as Zhou Shu entered the house, he ran into his parents practicing yoga in the living room.
The two elders were stunned to see him back. They quickly hit the pause button on the television.
“Why are you back without saying a word? Weren’t you supposed to be busy with work these few days?” Zhou Shu’s mother looked toward the door. “Where’s Yan Yan?”
“Mm…” Zhou Shu gave a vague response as he changed his shoes.
However, his mother instantly sensed something was wrong. She exchanged a look with her husband and asked tentatively, “Did you two have a fight?”
“No, we didn’t.” Zhou Shu’s brow furrowed imperceptibly as he started toward the stairs.
“Hey! Wait a minute!” his mother called out anxiously.
Zhou Shu paused and sighed. “Mom, I’m really tired lately. Can you just let me sleep for a bit?”
His mother opened her mouth to speak, but her tone eventually softened. “Alright…”
“Thanks, Mom. You two should get some rest too. Goodnight.” Zhou Shu finished and headed upstairs, leaving the two elders looking at each other in the living room.
Collapsing onto his bed, Zhou Shu gasped for air as if he had just been granted a reprieve, yet every breath he took was filled with Jin Yan’s shadow.
His entire being had already been occupied by that man. The moment he closed his eyes, he saw Jin Yan’s aggrieved expression and his reddened eyes.
Zhou Shu knitted his brows tightly and buried himself under the covers.
By then, raindrops began to drum against the window. Within minutes, the drizzle had turned into a torrential downpour.
The muffled roll of thunder amidst the rain cleared Zhou Shu’s mind slightly. He sat up and called out Zhou Duo’s name.
He hadn’t expected a response, but as a flash of white light streaked across the window, Zhou Duo spoke from within him.
“Brother Zhou Shu?”
“Duo Duo?” Zhou Shu bolted upright, his voice thick with excitement. “Duo Duo, you’re awake?”
“Mm, I’m awake! Brother Zhou Shu, everything I told you last time was true. While I was sleeping, I felt someone holding my hand the whole time, just like how Brother Jin Yan always holds yours.”
Hearing Zhou Duo’s lively voice, Zhou Shu felt as if his heart were being squeezed.
The last time Zhou Duo woke up, he had said the same thing—that during his long slumber, someone had stayed by his side, holding his hand wherever they went, just like him and Jin Yan.
It was the same this time. As soon as Zhou Duo woke up, he shared his feelings, his tone so cheerful it was as if that memo hadn’t been written by him at all.
Zhou Shu felt a deep reluctance to let go and a profound ache for this second personality. He had always felt a sense of guilt toward Zhou Duo.
Yet he also understood that letting Zhou Duo share a single body with him forever was inherently unfair.
If the dreams Zhou Duo spoke of were real, then he deserved a life of his own.
Thus, for a moment, Zhou Shu was paralyzed by choice, unable to keep or let go. He had never been so conflicted.
“Duo Duo, I already know…” Zhou Shu paused, rubbing his temples. “I saw the memo you wrote before.”
“Ah…” Zhou Duo was momentarily stunned, but he quickly faced it with composure. “Brother Zhou Shu, I didn’t mean it. Please don’t be angry, and don’t be mad at Brother Jin Yan, okay?”
Zhou Duo spoke hurriedly, and when he received no response, he continued to explain in a panic, “It’s all my fault. I asked Brother Jin Yan to help me hide it from you. It was our ‘secret,’ but I didn’t know you’d still be able to see it after I deleted it…”
As he spoke, he sounded a bit hurt, and Zhou Shu’s heart immediately softened.
He let out a silent sigh and comforted him softly, “Duo Duo, I won’t be angry with you. You don’t need to apologize.”
“Then are you mad at Brother Jin Yan? Why isn’t he here? Did you fight?”
“I…” Zhou Shu stopped after a single syllable. He didn't know how to explain the situation.
Seeing his silence, Zhou Duo took the initiative. “Brother Zhou Shu, you can’t have a second personality forever, and I don’t want to be eighteen for the rest of my life.” His tone was firm, like a little soldier unafraid of the headwind.
He seemed to come riding the wind and waves of the sea, standing in the rain, telling him, “I will leave eventually.”
Zhou Shu was stunned by Zhou Duo’s sudden, precise self-analysis. In that moment of fearless determination, he truly seemed to see the Jin Yan of their childhood.
Appearing steady and obedient on the outside, but possessing a very strong will on the inside.
That was how the adults had described Jin Yan since he was young, and it seemed they were right.
Zhou Shu buried his head in his arms, listening to the thunder and rain outside. Even breathing felt difficult.
Seeing his silence, Zhou Duo said nothing more, only adding playfully, “Don’t worry, Brother Zhou Shu. I’m very happy, and I’ll have a life of my own too. I’m giving the power of choice to you. When I get to grow up is for Brother to decide!”
*When I get to grow up is for Brother to decide…*
Upon hearing this, Zhou Shu could no longer control his emotions. His shoulders began to tremble slightly.
He had never imagined that one day, he would be the one comforted by Zhou Duo.
Later, Zhou Duo fell back asleep. He said he wouldn’t leave suddenly, but that he had just been sleeping very deeply lately.
After the voice in his head vanished, Zhou Shu felt as if his consciousness had been drained, leaving only his tear ducts operating mechanically, completely beyond his control.
After an unknown amount of time, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The person outside did something rare—they pushed the door open slightly without waiting for permission.
“Xiao Shu?”
Hearing the voice, Zhou Shu propped himself up and reached out to turn on the small bedside lamp.
He looked up to see his mother standing at the door, with his father’s silhouette visible behind her.
At his age, and already married, he still caused his parents such worry. Zhou Shu was instantly flooded with guilt.
“Dad, Mom, come in.”
Zhou Shu’s mother was startled to see the tear tracks on her son’s face. She hesitated for a moment before asking, “Just now… was it Duo Duo?”
“No.” Zhou Shu shook his head. “He just talked to me for a bit. He’s asleep now.”
“Then what’s wrong? Is it because of Duo Duo, or Yan Yan?”
Zhou Shu didn't answer. Instead, his gaze drifted to the torrential rain outside.
The rain fell so fast it didn't even have time to leave a mark before sliding down the glass.
Seeing him like this, his mother grew anxious. “Xiao Shu, you’ve been like this ever since Yan Yan left. Your personality changed completely; you stopped telling us anything.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “It was only when Yan Yan came back that you started acting like your old self again. Why are you like this again now…”
She let out a shaky sigh. Zhou Shu’s brow twitched.
“We’re really fine. I’ll go find him in a bit,” Zhou Shu said, but his expression remained unchanged.
His mother suddenly burst into tears. It was as if she had been holding it in for a long time, and her inner thoughts poured out along with her tears.
“The two of you have truly swapped roles. When you were kids, you doted on him, but now that you’re grown, he coaxes you through everything. Since he’s been back, I can see he’s spoiled you rotten.” Zhou Shu’s father tugged at her arm, but it was no use. “It’s only because it’s Yan Yan. If it were anyone else, who could possibly put up with you?”
“That’s enough, say less,” Zhou Shu’s father interrupted. Only then did his mother realize she had spoken out of turn.
“I…” Her face filled with panic as she tried to explain, “Xiao Shu, I’m sorry. Mom didn’t mean it like that…” Her tears fell even faster. “But… but Mom feels bad for Yan Yan too…”
Zhou Shu sensed something from his mother’s reaction. The calm surface of his heart finally surged with waves.
“What?” His heart hammered wildly, every nerve pulled taut. “Mom, do you know something…”
Seeing that she could no longer hide it, his mother cried even harder. His father rested a hand on her shoulder and sighed. “When Yan Yan went through his second differentiation, he almost didn't make it.”
“Wh… what do you mean?”
“Do you have any idea what it takes to differentiate into an Enigma for the second time?”
“No, isn't it just… differentiating again…” Zhou Shu’s lips turned pale, and his entire arm began to shake uncontrollably.
“How could an upgrade in pheromone level and gender be an easy thing?” His father sighed, his brow furrowed. “It’s no different from crossing a life-and-death tribulation. The body’s cells and pheromones are replaced and restructured in a very short time. Those Alphas who can’t survive the massive internal shock simply… leave.”
“What do you mean, ‘simply leave’?” Zhou Shu’s voice turned sharp, as if he didn't dare hear another word.
“Xiao Shu, are you truly being dense or just pretending?” His father shook his head, wanting his son to accept the unchangeable truth.
“I… I didn't know. He never told me…” Zhou Shu’s voice softened, his eyes helpless and frantic, shimmering with tears.
“How could he tell you such things?” His mother wiped her tears, composed herself, and looked at Zhou Shu.
“The day he came to tell us he wanted to marry you, he confessed that he had differentiated into an Enigma. He also said he didn't care about the marking. If you weren't willing, he would never force you; if it came down to it, you could just be an ordinary Alpha couple. He said the greatest advantage of an Enigma was the ability to endure.”
“He differentiated by the sea back then. He smelled your scent and suddenly had a splitting headache and collapsed. Fortunately, he stayed conscious long enough to call a friend. When they found him, he was unconscious on the beach, but he was still clutching that chain of yours tightly in his hand.”
His mother pointed to Zhou Shu’s left hand. Zhou Shu looked down, his eyes bloodshot.
“After they resuscitated him, he was in a coma in the hospital for half a month… Xiao Shu, Yan Yan practically snatched his life back from the jaws of death. The reason he didn't dare come home all these years was because he was afraid of seeing you show up with some Omega.”
“He came back this time with the intention of giving you his blessing. Now that you’ve finally registered your marriage, stop being so headstrong, okay?”
The thunder outside was relentless, and the sound of the rain gradually drowned out the voices in the room.
Zhou Shu couldn't hear anything else. He only wanted to rush into the storm immediately.
“Xiao Shu! Don’t be in such a rush, take an umbrella!” his mother shouted behind him, but Zhou Shu couldn't care about anything.
There was no time for an umbrella. He only wanted to see that person the very next second.
Zhou Shu sprinted through the hallway and down the stairs, feeling for the first time that the distance from his room to the front door was far too long.
He had said to tell him once his anger had faded.
He didn't know what that "little kid" was doing right now. He must be feeling terribly wronged, probably hiding under the covers clutching their marriage certificate while leaving the window open.
Or perhaps, just like Zhou Shu had done before, he was clutching his phone, not letting the screen go dark for even a second.
Zhou Shu imagined countless scenarios of what Jin Yan might be doing.
When he finally reached the front door and threw it open in a panic, he froze on the spot.
As it turned out, that person had been in the place closest to him all along, standing right there in the rain.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 渡劫 | Crossing a tribulation | Metaphor for a life-threatening ordeal or a major life transition. |
| 二次分化 | Second differentiation | A rare second change in gender/rank (e.g., Alpha to Enigma). |
| 备忘录 | Memo / Note | Refers to the digital note Zhou Duo left for Zhou Shu. |
| 玄关 | Entrance / Foyer | The area just inside the front door. |
