The eaves of Zhou Shu’s house were narrow, providing negligible shelter from the rain.
On such a night, amidst the surging storm and rolling thunder, the owner of that pheromone scent stood drenched in the downpour.
"You... why are you here?"
"Ge, why are you crying?"
Their voices fell in unison.
The first thing Jin Yan saw was the face of the person inside. Although his vision was blurred by the rain, he immediately recognized the tear stains on the other man's face.
Was it raining inside the house too?
Zhou Shu didn't answer. With eyes brimming with unshed tears, he pulled the man into the house.
He reached out to touch Jin Yan’s face. The rain had long since soaked him to the bone, and Zhou Shu could no longer tell where the scent before him was originating from.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Are you... not angry anymore?" Jin Yan stepped back slightly, not wanting to transfer the damp chill to Zhou Shu.
Zhou Shu frowned and pulled him back again.
"Didn't I tell you to wait for me at home? Why didn't you listen?"
They went back and forth, neither answering the other's questions.
"Please don't be angry anymore, okay? Ge, I was wrong."
Zhou Shu’s heart skipped a beat as a swelling ache flooded his chest.
He really was like this—no matter what happened, his first instinct was always to coax and comfort Zhou Shu.
Zhou Shu’s eyes stung sharply, and he could no longer hold back the emotions swirling within them.
"Why were you standing outside? In such heavy rain..."
Seeing Zhou Shu’s tears, Jin Yan’s brows knitted together. He raised a hand to touch his face but hesitated, fearing his hand was too cold. In the end, he only lightly brushed away a stray tear that had escaped.
"Mm. I was afraid that if your anger faded, I wouldn't be able to hug you immediately. I was also afraid that if you were still angry, I wouldn't be there for you to scold."
"Are you stupid? Why couldn't you wait at home? It’s only a street away." Zhou Shu’s heart felt as if it were being squeezed. His voice was thick with a sob, weakening into a breathy whisper.
"It was too far." Jin Yan lowered his eyes and shook his head. "It was too far from you."
The emotions he had suppressed for so long finally broke through the dam. Zhou Shu could no longer restrain himself; he stepped forward and threw his arms around Jin Yan, his hands sliding up to clasp the back of his neck as he pressed soft kisses against the side of his throat.
"Yan-yan, I’m sorry..."
Jin Yan continued to shake his head. He tightened his arms around Zhou Shu, letting out a sigh that sounded like a heavy burden being lifted.
"Don't leave me alone again, okay?" Zhou Shu heard the deep, almost hoarse voice by his ear. "Ge, I really love you so much..."
"I know." Zhou Shu buried his head in that embrace, breathing in the familiar scent. "Me too. I love you so much too."
Like a torrential rain falling into the ocean.
After meeting you, I am willing to surge forever, never to be calm again.
After embracing at the door for a moment, Zhou Shu led Jin Yan upstairs.
Zhou Shu’s parents peeked from the corner of the second floor. Seeing them, they finally felt at ease and went to wash up and sleep, intending to leave the two undisturbed.
Jin Yan was led all the way to the bathroom in the bedroom. Zhou Shu took care of him like a three-year-old, helping him bathe and blow-dry his hair.
Even after Jin Yan was completely dry and warm, Zhou Shu still wasn't at peace.
He told Jin Yan to wait for him upstairs while he went down to boil a pot of ginger soup.
Before the water could even boil, he was hugged from behind. The embrace was tight and clingy, as if the person holding him was terrified of something.
Zhou Shu sensed that panic and covered Jin Yan’s hands with his own.
"I’m sorry, Yan-yan. It’s my fault for not being a good brother."
"No." Jin Yan shook his head and nuzzled Zhou Shu’s ear. "I told you, as long as you’re unhappy, it’s my fault. No matter what, it’s always my fault."
The water in the pot boiled. Zhou Shu turned off the heat and ladled out a bowl of ginger soup.
"Drink it once it cools down a bit. Be good."
Jin Yan took it obediently, his head lowered as if lost in thought.
In the past, he would always curve his eyes playfully and tease Zhou Shu into feeding him, but today he was like a bewildered child, not daring to overstep in the slightest.
A wave of bitterness rose in Zhou Shu’s heart. He took Jin Yan’s hand. "Come on, let's go back to the bedroom first. I'll feed you in a bit."
Only then did a flicker of light appear in Jin Yan’s eyes as he followed him up.
Back in the bedroom, Zhou Shu took a phone call from his management agency.
During the call, he leaned against the headboard while Jin Yan sat huddled beside him. Unlike his usual self, who would steal a few kisses and then look triumphant, Jin Yan remained silent, terrified of making another mistake.
Zhou Shu saw all of Jin Yan’s restraint and grievance. In this moment, it was as if he saw that stubborn little boy from their childhood.
Every time he threw a tantrum, he wouldn't speak; he would just sit quietly to the side, waiting for Zhou Shu to coax him.
Whenever Zhou Shu saw that pouting little mouth and those misty eyes, he would always lose. That tactic worked on him every single time.
Yet, it was only today that he truly realized—perhaps Jin Yan’s silence wasn't a "tactic" at all, but a genuine fear of initiating conversation.
That expression of fearing rejection and abandonment made him look like a puppy hiding in a corner, gazing piteously at its master.
Zhou Shu’s heart softened. After hanging up the phone, he moved closer to him.
"Be good, drink the ginger soup." He held the cup to Jin Yan’s lips. Jin Yan blinked and obediently drank it all.
Once they had both finished washing up and were lying in bed, Jin Yan leaned in gently. Zhou Shu let him rest his head against his chest.
Neither spoke for a long time. Finally, Zhou Shu nudged his nose against Jin Yan's. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"
"About what?" Jin Yan asked, dazed.
"When you were differentiating. Everything you went through alone in Country A... why didn't you tell me?"
Jin Yan realized what he meant. He wrapped his arms around Zhou Shu’s waist and shook his head. "There’s nothing much to say. I’m already very satisfied now."
His steady voice was like a cloud floating in the air—gentle and calm as always, the most beautiful sound in Zhou Shu’s world.
But this child, whom he had protected since they were young, had been forced to grow up overnight during that differentiation. At the time, Zhou Shu had been too preoccupied with reconciling the gap in his own heart, ignoring the fact that the little friend forced to grow up was actually the one most heartbroken.
He had wanted Zhou Shu’s mark so badly; he loved clinging to his side so much. How much courage must it have taken for him to leave all alone without a word?
During the countless nights Zhou Shu had slept clutching his phone, had Jin Yan also been gripping that cat-shaped necklace—his only memento—refusing to sleep while breathing in the scent of the sea breeze?
"Yan-yan, you don't need to be so sensible. You can act spoiled with me just like when we were kids. You can complain to me. Let me dote on you a little more, okay?"
The rain outside showed no sign of stopping. It accompanied the waves inside the room, flowing into their hearts pulse by pulse.
Jin Yan’s heart throbbed with pain, and he held Zhou Shu even tighter.
In an instant, the grievances of the past were washed out by the waves in his arms, becoming uncontrollable.
"Ge, I was really scared... I was scared when I differentiated into an Alpha. I was scared when I went to Country A alone. Later, when I differentiated into an Enigma, I wanted to come back and find you immediately. But then I thought, what would be the point? I didn't want to change my gender and come back just to make you feel like I only sought you out because I became an Enigma."
Zhou Shu’s heart stalled. Self-reproach and guilt surged within him.
Jin Yan was right. If Jin Yan had told him he was an Enigma the moment he returned, Zhou Shu definitely would have overthought things.
Looking at it this way, he was actually quite a difficult person; at the very least, he wasn't nearly as pure as Jin Yan.
"Later... I saw you become the Film King. I saw you had an official girlfriend. I was driven nearly insane with jealousy..." Jin Yan gave a light, self-deprecating laugh. "I deleted all my social media. I thought if I stayed away from the internet, I wouldn't have to see those things."
Zhou Shu’s eyes shimmered with tears. He asked in a raspy voice, "Then why were you willing to come back? Aren't you afraid of seeing me now?"
"I am. But I’m even more afraid of not seeing you... I hadn't seen you for five years. If it had been one more year, I really might not have been able to take it." Jin Yan’s eyelashes trembled as he let out a breath. "Then I thought, if I have to call her 'Sister-in-law,' then so be it. It’s just a greeting. At worst, I’d just avoid you both and only steal glances at you from across the street."
"If... if I eventually moved on, maybe I could even be your best man. In the future, I could listen to your children call me 'Uncle'."
"Jin Yan!"
Zhou Shu cut him off, sounding as if he had been stung by those words. His tone was filled with an indescribable sorrow.
Jin Yan froze. He looked up and saw the tears streaming down Zhou Shu’s face.
"Ge... I’m sorry. I—I said the wrong thing. Please don't cry..." He frantically wiped away Zhou Shu’s tears, then kissed his eyes over and over again. "Don't cry. My heart is dying from the pain."
"Do you think my heart doesn't ache too? You were overthinking all by yourself for so many years, and I didn't even know..."
"No, no. I don't feel wronged. Truly, I don't. As long as you still want me." Jin Yan explained, gently cupping Zhou Shu’s face and kissing him with deep reverence. "As long as you still want me, I will be by your side forever."
As he finished speaking, he deepened the kiss. Their lips became inseparable, their tongues touching the depths of their souls.
The scent of pheromones flowing from their eyes lingered at the tips of their noses, burrowing into their bodies, soaking into their bones, and hooking into their desires.
That blazing desire that had arrived several years late.
The sound of the rain outside drowned out the sound of their interlacing breaths, but it could not hide a low, whispered gasp.
"Yan-yan, do you want me?"
Jin Yan’s breath hitched. His heart hammered uncontrollably. His lips trembled, his voice laced with disbelief. "Wha... what?"
Zhou Shu gave a soft, tender laugh. His cool, strong fingers pressed the other man down as he leaned over him.
His kisses fell upon every inch of skin, reaching Jin Yan’s ear as he whispered, "Jin Yan, let's do it."
As the words left his lips, the ocean surged and churned, tightly enveloping the raindrops that had fallen into its world.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 影帝 | Film King | A title for a Best Actor award winner. |
| 伴郎 | Best man | The groom's attendant at a wedding. |
| 姜汤 | Ginger soup | A traditional drink made with ginger, often used to ward off colds. |
