After she finished her drink, the cinnamon and bay leaves sank dejectedly to the bottom of the glass. The crowd had grown, and the bar was becoming lively, especially around Lin Yunsheng. Every now and then, someone would walk up to say a few words to her, only to walk away looking crestfallen.
Ren Xiaoxiao had a perfect view of the bar counter and had been watching Lin Yunsheng with great interest. Chen Jinyue, however, was different; she couldn't see her and didn't want to, so she simply raised her hand to order a second drink.
Unfortunately, no one noticed her. Ren Xiaoxiao rested her chin on her hand and smiled at her, clearly enjoying the spectacle. Though Jinyue felt a bit lightheaded, she wasn't drunk yet. "Stop laughing. Go order a drink for me."
"Go yourself." Xiaoxiao quirked an eyebrow toward the bar. "She’s right there."
Fine, she would go. It wasn't as if she had a guilty conscience. Jinyue rolled her eyes and walked toward the bar. She found a menu from a bartender about three or four meters away from Lin Yunsheng, placed her order, and scanned the QR code to pay.
She didn't greet Lin Yunsheng, and the other woman didn't look her way either.
Jinyue stood with her hands in her trouser pockets, leaning her back against the bar as she waited for her drink, wishing the mixologist would move faster.
"Are you here alone, beautiful?"
It took Jinyue a beat to realize the man was speaking to her.
"No."
"Want to have a drink together? My treat."
"No—" Before she could finish her rejection, someone stepped up and completed the sentence for her.
"That won't be necessary." It was, naturally, Lin Yunsheng.
Jinyue didn't want to face either of them—not the stranger in front of her, nor Lin Yunsheng standing beside her. Her cocktail arrived just in time; she turned, grabbed the glass, and walked straight away.
This was the third time tonight she had left Lin Yunsheng hanging.
The stranger initially thought the newcomer was her friend, but seeing that Jinyue hadn't spared her a glance either, his interest was piqued. He followed Jinyue back to her small table.
"Was that beauty just now your friend?"
What kind of "friend" was she to Chen Jinyue? It was laughable.
"No."
"Then are you interested in getting to know each other? Can we add each other on WeChat?" Without waiting for an answer, the man pulled up his QR code and thrust it in front of her.
She naturally had no desire to add him. She turned to scrutinize the man, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lin Yunsheng walking toward them.
—*Can you please just stop meddling in my life?*
"Yueyue."
—*What did you just call me?*
"Sure." Chen Jinyue opened her WeChat, only for her hand to be pressed down by Lin Yunsheng.
"Don't add him." She even went so far as to imperiously press the button to lock Jinyue's screen.
"And why is that, Sister Shengsheng?" Jinyue looked up, her gaze meeting Lin Yunsheng’s directly. Even her slightly bleary, alcohol-tinged eyes couldn't hide the mockery within them.
*By what right are you trying to control me? Are you trying to play the role of the 'good older sister' now?*
"Chen Jinyue..." Lin Yunsheng couldn't answer. The hostility in the younger girl's eyes made her feel as though she had long ago lost the right to say anything at all. She could only call her name with a hint of a plea.
Jinyue continued to stare at Lin Yunsheng without flinching, but a sense of grievance began to swell within her.
—*What exactly do you want from me?*
"Why... Lin Yunsheng..."
Her voice began to carry the scent of alcohol. When she asked again, she sounded almost like a dog wagging its tail for pity.
She was begging Lin Yunsheng to give her a reason. A reason that would allow her to be led away willingly.
Ideally, it would be because you are jealous. At the very least, let it be because you care.
Lin Yunsheng was still holding her hand, her gaze flickering.
Being looked at like this by Chen Jinyue made her feel as though she couldn't breathe. The bar was bustling, the sound of clinking glasses drowning out everything else.
She couldn't respond to that kind of expectation.
"Don't you have David?" She couldn't bear to see Chen Jinyue show another expression of being hurt because of her. After saying this, she knit her brows and looked away.
Naturally, she didn't see the way Chen Jinyue crumbled in an instant.
Nor did she see Ren Xiaoxiao, who had been an audience member all night, freeze in shock.
Chen Jinyue lowered her head in despair. *This is exactly what I deserve,* she thought. She had given Lin Yunsheng chance after chance to hurt her. It was like this six years ago, and she hadn't improved a bit six years later.
She pulled her hand away, stood up to grab her bag, and walked out with unsteady steps.
"Where are you going?" Ren Xiaoxiao stood up to follow her, but Jinyue stopped her. She waved her hand, signaling for Xiaoxiao to stay seated and not follow.
Lin Yunsheng panicked. She hurried back to her seat to grab her coat, then rushed over to Ren Xiaoxiao. She pulled out her wallet, and without having time to count out a proper amount, she slapped several hundred yuan on the table. "I'm sorry, Xiaoxiao, I can't take you home. Please take a taxi and stay safe." Then, she quickly vanished through the door.
Ren Xiaoxiao was somewhat surprised that Lin Yunsheng still recognized her. She looked at the money on the table, then at the stranger who was just as bewildered as she was, and found it somewhat funny.
"What are you still standing here for?"
Once the man left, her gaze dimmed. She moved to the bar—since she was alone, she wouldn't hog the small table anymore—and raised her hand to use that money to order her second drink of the night.
"Yueyue—"
Hearing that voice, Jinyue recalled for no reason the day at the airport when her mother had called her that. Back then, she had been so full of anticipation; now, she only felt how absurd her decision had been.
*Why did I even come back?*
Lin Yunsheng caught up to her in a few strides, grabbing her arm to force her to stop. Chen Jinyue refused to look at her, so Lin Yunsheng circled around, only to find that the other girl's tears were flowing uncontrollably. She lost all composure. While spreading her coat to drape it over Jinyue's shoulders, she reached out to wipe away the tears.
Jinyue began to sob so hard she couldn't catch her breath, forced to take large, gasping gulps of air. She felt so humiliated; she didn't want to be like this in front of Lin Yunsheng at all, but her tears simply wouldn't obey.
"Yueyue... Yueyue, let's go back to the car."
Lin Yunsheng took her hand to lead her toward the parking lot.
Chen Jinyue resisted with all her might. "You... let go." Her words were broken, her breath hitching uncontrollably.
Left with no other choice, Lin Yunsheng pulled Chen Jinyue into her arms and held her. She gently patted her back, whispering apologies.
Chen Jinyue struggled violently in her embrace, so Lin Yunsheng could only hold her tighter. Half of her shoulder became soaked with a mess of tears and snot. They stood there in the cold wind for over ten minutes before the crying finally subsided.
Lin Yunsheng slowly released her, looking at her tear-dampened lashes and her red, swollen nose. A thought always lingered in her mind—if Jinyue hadn't fallen in love with her, she wouldn't have had to shed so many tears.
Her hand slid down to take the other's, leading her toward the parking lot. This time, Chen Jinyue didn't struggle. She was too exhausted from crying; at this moment, she could give up resisting anything. It wasn't just the Lin Yunsheng in front of her that she wanted to escape but couldn't.
In her heart, she was already planning her departure.
Lin Yunsheng opened the passenger door and ushered her inside. She then got into the driver's seat, started the car, and turned the heater to the highest setting. She opened the center console, took out a tube of hand cream, and squeezed a bit into her palm.
"Come here."
Chen Jinyue turned her head to look at her, not understanding what she was doing.
Lin Yunsheng cupped Jinyue's face with her left hand and began to dab the hand cream from her right hand onto Jinyue's cheeks.
"Lin Yunsheng, what are you doing... this is hand cream."
"I know. There's nothing else in the car. Just use this for now, or your face will get chapped." She spoke seriously and moved with focus, slowly smoothing the cream over Jinyue's face as if she were performing a task of great importance.
"..."
"Lin Yunsheng... I don't like it when you're like this. Acting as if nothing ever happened."
"I'm sorry... Yueyue." She withdrew her hand.
"I actually wanted to have a proper talk with you."
"I don't want to talk anymore. Lin Yunsheng, I'm so tired. I don't think I should have come back." Jinyue's expression was unnervingly calm as her hollow gaze met Lin Yunsheng's.
"You... are leaving again?" A hint of hurt flickered in Lin Yunsheng's eyes.
Jinyue didn't answer immediately. She just stared at Lin Yunsheng until the light in the other woman's eyes dimmed bit by bit, and her own heart sank along with it.
"I have to leave eventually."
Lin Yunsheng was silent for a few seconds.
"Fine..."
"I understand. You have a reason to go back." She straightened her body and sat properly in the driver's seat.
Jinyue didn't know if Lin Yunsheng was doing it on purpose, but those words really grated on her nerves. What did she mean by "a reason to go back"? It was an absurd way to put it. She didn't want to hear her mention David for the second time tonight.
"It was a lie."
"There is no David, and there is no boyfriend." She had only said it on a whim back then, using her mother's words to test Lin Yunsheng's reaction. The moment the other woman had turned her head to look out the window, Jinyue knew it was nothing more than her own one-man show.
"I know."
Jinyue froze for a second upon hearing this answer, then let out two soft, self-mocking chuckles.
"I really can't hide anything from you, Sister." She felt a surge of irritation in her heart, yet a smile remained on her face.
"What's the difference between when I was a child and now?"
Lin Yunsheng didn't respond. Then, she spoke as if to herself.
"Chen Jinyue... when you said you were leaving, my heart finally settled again."
"I actually couldn't figure it out. The day you came back, it was clearly a reunion, but why did I keep feeling like it was just another departure?"
"Now I understand. It was a departure in itself."
Having said that, Lin Yunsheng pressed the brake, preparing to start the car. As her hand dropped to shift gears, she spoke one last sentence. "When you leave this time, I will see you off."
"Lin Yunsheng!"
Chen Jinyue grabbed the hand that was about to shift gears, gripping it with a deathly tightness. "You're doing it on purpose. Why do you keep saying these things to provoke me over and over again?"
Lin Yunsheng didn't answer.
"Look at me, Lin Yunsheng." But the other woman kept her head down.
Jinyue was thoroughly enraged. She stood up, climbed over the center console, and straddled Lin Yunsheng, pinning her down and forcing her to look at her.
Lin Yunsheng had beautiful almond-shaped eyes, with a small mole at the outer corner of her right eye. If those eyes happened to be slightly flushed with red, they were, in Jinyue's heart, matchlessly beautiful.
In the first nineteen years of her life, she had seen those eyes like that only twice. This was the third time.
She gripped Lin Yunsheng's neck, leaving those reddened eyes with nowhere to hide.
Lin Yunsheng began to cough uncontrollably from the grip, her eyes turning even redder.
Jinyue hardened her heart and did not let go.
"You didn't come to see me off the day I left. How could you not know how heartbroken I was? Lin Yunsheng, why do you insist on tearing open my wounds over and over again?"
***
