Chen Jinyue felt a flicker of unease.
She sat on the rug, a bad habit she had picked up from Lin Yunsheng since returning to the country. Similarly, only a single floor lamp cast a dim, amber glow beside her.
The difference was that there was no laptop in front of her. In its place were two small commemorative booklets and a pen.
The booklets were from the New Year’s market in Nancheng. At the time, she had planned to walk the entire route, fill one with stamps, and give it to her sister as a keepsake. Unfortunately, because they had changed their route halfway to watch the sunset, the booklet only had a quarter of its stamps. The rest of the pages were blank, save for the simple line drawings printed on the paper.
One booklet was closed and set aside. The other was spread open before her, covered in handwriting.
Chen Jinyue felt a flicker of unease.
It was because of that half-step Lin Yunsheng had taken backward.
She hoped she was overthinking it. Lin Yunsheng was sick; perhaps she just hadn't been steady on her feet. Moreover, they were at home; it was only logical that she would retreat into the shadows out of worry.
She understood the logic, but the feeling was different.
After what had happened at Yuanmao Mansion, there had been no explanation, and she couldn't help but dwell on it.
So now, sitting alone in the dead of night, she wrote down the words she wanted to say. She was unwilling to delay any longer.
These words, which should have been spoken on the first day of the New Year, had traveled from Nancheng back to Haicheng. They couldn't wait any longer than her birthday. Valentine’s Day was a good day for it, wasn't it?
She began to write, without a draft, guided entirely by her feelings.
She wrote:
*Lin Yunsheng, it’s been a long time.*
*I don’t mean these past few days; I mean those six years.*
*I need to confess to you: I only came back because of you.*
*Because of that accidental phone call with Mom, because of your new relationship that hadn't even truly begun.*
*I thought you were so heartless. How could you go six years without contacting me?*
*Shouldn't I be the one who's angry?*
*But I was also the one missing you.*
*I thought of you when the moon rose, and I thought of you when the tide came in and out.*
*I felt that life was so difficult. I didn't understand how to get through each day without you.*
*Did you know? You probably should. The place where I lived was a culinary wasteland.*
*I couldn't get used to their food. I tried to cook for myself, but I could never recreate the flavors you and Mom made.*
*On my first day back, it took everything I had to resist taking a bite of that yam and pork rib stew.*
*I missed you, and I missed that taste just as much.*
*I don't know what I'm writing; it all seems like nonsense.*
*When the time comes for me to say this to you, I’ll try to make it sound more logical, more meaningful.*
*This is just me writing for myself.*
*Don't mind it.*
*I want to talk to you about that night six years ago. Would you be willing?*
*You must have had your concerns. I was too young then, and you were afraid I wouldn't understand, so you didn't tell me.*
*Now I’m twenty-four, almost twenty-five.*
*Oh, wait. By the time I tell you this, I should already be twenty-five.*
*Actually, I really like the period after my birthday but before yours. It feels like the age gap between us shrinks from six years to five, as if I’ve managed to sneak a little closer to you.*
*Will that help me understand you a little better?*
*I’ve always wondered how you grew up. You didn't have a wonderful older sister like I did.*
*I’m rambling.*
*Lin Yunsheng, I’m twenty-five now. Can you tell me why?*
*Was I too reckless back then? Did I only know how to love intensely, wanting to be with you forever and ignoring everything else? Did that scare you? Is that why you had to end it?*
*I idealized so many hardships. You must have shouldered so much. It was all my fault.*
*Do you accept my apology?*
*If you don't want to talk about the past, that’s okay. We can just talk about the present.*
*I spent those six years thinking I hated you so much, but the moment I returned, I saw the emotion in your eyes and felt your uncontrollable trembling when we kissed.*
*I’ve seen you like that before. You clearly still love me.*
*Once I realized that, Haicheng’s bitter winter felt like the height of summer. A shared glance felt like a kiss. I think even hating you was just another way of loving you.*
*I even wonder if I ever truly hated you at all.*
*Perhaps I just loved you with such agonizing effort that I mistook it for hate.*
*Is it too late for me to realize this now?*
*I’m a little nervous. I hope it’s not too late. Because I’m running out of time.*
*Why does time move so fast, Jie?*
*I only have two weeks left before I have to go back to work.*
*I don't want to leave, Jie.*
*There are countless moments where I want to reach for the moon just for you.*
*If you love me too, why can't we give it a try?*
*I know you have many worries. They aren't things I can explain away just by writing these words.*
*But why should we give up without even trying?*
*Can I keep loving you?*
*Will you let me keep loving you?*
*Can we give each other one more chance?*
***
Chen Jinyue looked at the rambling, incoherent mess that filled several pages of the booklet, and her heart grew even more restless.
She gripped her pen again, wanting to add one last sentence at the end...
*Click—* She heard the bedroom door open. Someone was coming out.
It was three in the morning.
Sitting on the rug with her back against the sofa, she held her breath. She listened to the soft footsteps—it was her sister.
"You... why are you awake?" She hurriedly snapped the booklet shut.
She remained seated while Lin Yunsheng stood a short distance away.
"I came out for some water."
It felt as though time and space had been inverted, returning to the day she had first arrived home.
It had been this same hour when Lin Yunsheng sat there and asked if she was hungry.
Had Lin Yunsheng been as nervous as she was now? Had her breath hitched for three seconds while waiting for the other person to emerge from the hallway?
Chen Jinyue stood up. "I'll get it for you. Sit down for a moment."
Lin Yunsheng didn't refuse, moving instead toward the sofa.
Two minutes later, Chen Jinyue brought over a glass of warm water and handed it to the woman on the sofa.
"Are you feeling any better?"
Chen Jinyue reached out to touch her sister's forehead, but Lin Yunsheng skillfully avoided the contact by taking a sip of water.
Then came a raspy "Mm" in response.
Chen Jinyue sat back down in her original spot, hugging her knees. She was wearing the fluffy socks her sister had once called cute—the ones with the little rabbit pattern and upright ears.
It was subtle.
She had picked up the bad habit of sitting on the floor. Yet the person who had taught it to her was now silently sinking into the sofa.
"Why aren't you asleep yet?"
"I couldn't sleep..." Her mind was too full.
"What's that?" Lin Yunsheng’s eyes drifted to the two booklets on the coffee table.
Chen Jinyue quickly gathered them into her hands. "This? Oh, they're commemorative booklets from the Nancheng market. They're both the same. I originally meant to bring one for you..."
"Then give it to me," Lin Yunsheng interrupted.
She continued, "They're both the same?"
She reached for the one on top.
Chen Jinyue pressed her hand down on it. "They are, but take the one underneath."
She handed the bottom booklet to her sister and secretly tucked the other one behind her back.
Lin Yunsheng didn't show much curiosity or desire to investigate. She took the booklet, flipped through it cursorily, and then held it still in her hand.
*It’s okay,* Chen Jinyue thought. *The one you took and the one behind my back will both be yours in the end. I’ll read it to you later.*
*Just wait a little longer.*
There was nothing left to say between them. Lin Yunsheng didn't look at her, nor did she urge her to go to bed early. When she tilted her head slightly to drink the water, her eyes remained dull.
"Jie."
"Mm..."
"Did I disturb your work these past few days?"
"I'm sorry..."
Lin Yunsheng’s breathing was heavy from her illness, sounding particularly clear in the night. She traced the rim of the glass with her fingertip, responding faintly, "No. Don't apologize."
"Are you angry with me, then?"
"No."
Chen Jinyue tilted her head, leaning it against her sister's knee. Another long silence followed.
It seemed people could be trapped by the very things they once craved. She had wanted these quiet moments alone with Lin Yunsheng so many times, yet now she was troubled by the silence.
Her anxiety that night had a measurable volume; it increased as the warm water in the glass decreased. When Lin Yunsheng finally swallowed the last drop, the night was so quiet that Chen Jinyue could almost hear the faint sound of the water traveling down her throat.
The glass was placed gently on the coffee table. Chen Jinyue closed her eyes.
She heard a voice from above. "I'm going to sleep."
Chen Jinyue moved away, looking down at her socks in silence.
Lin Yunsheng stood up without another word, her footsteps light on the rug. Chen Jinyue felt as though her heart were being pricked by a thousand needles, each tip coated in salt.
Chen Jinyue was more than just a little uneasy now.
"Jie."
She grabbed her hand and looked up, meeting those dim eyes.
Lin Yunsheng’s hand was cold. She instinctively tried to pull away, but Chen Jinyue held on.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Lin Yunsheng’s gaze flickered away. "Not tonight."
Chen Jinyue wasn't too surprised by the answer. She had always said she wasn't emotionally sensitive, but if even she could feel that something was wrong, then things must have reached a dire state.
She wasn't willing to give up. She thought of the moment Lin Yunsheng had turned her head to avoid her touch. She stood up, closing the distance, holding her hand so she had nowhere to retreat.
She reached out and touched her sister's forehead—it was better, but she was still running a fever.
Chen Jinyue looked at her sister with a deep, dark gaze. "I'll take care of you tonight."
She thought herself clumsy, using Lin Yunsheng’s health as an excuse just to soothe her own anxiety.
Lin Yunsheng pulled her hand back and walked toward the bedroom.
Chen Jinyue spoke again. "I haven't had a good night's sleep in days."
Worse than clumsy was being despicable. At three in the morning, she was using herself to force Lin Yunsheng’s hand. Chen Jinyue didn't chase after her; she knew Lin Yunsheng wouldn't have the heart to keep walking.
Sure enough, she stopped and looked back at her younger sister.
That look only made Chen Jinyue feel worse. *Since when did wanting to sleep in the same bed require such a low tactic to gain your consent?*
Lin Yunsheng turned back and continued walking. The person behind her didn't wait for a verbal answer; she simply followed, trailing Lin Yunsheng’s footsteps right into her room.
In the month since she had returned to the country, this was the first time she had stepped inside.
Lin Yunsheng didn't turn on the light. She sat on the edge of the bed and said softly, "Go back to your own room tomorrow morning," before wrapping herself in the quilt.
"Okay." Chen Jinyue didn't linger, climbing into bed beside her.
Lin Yunsheng lay with her back turned. Chen Jinyue moved closer, pulling her into her arms and gently stroking her wrist with her right hand.
The other woman’s breathing didn't settle for a long time. Chen Jinyue whispered into the back of her ear, "Zhao Man told me a lot about your past..."
"What things?"
"About the hiring process... and about Wang Chengfan."
"You're amazing, Lin Yunsheng..."
She held Lin Yunsheng tightly, kissing her hair.
After a long silence, Lin Yunsheng said coldly, "I'm not."
Chen Jinyue’s body stiffened.
"What's so 'amazing' about it?"
"We used the system to change our situation, appealed to improper authority, and utilized a greater irrationality to solve a problem. Did that fundamentally change anything?"
"Do I have the power to change anything? There's nothing amazing about it."
Lin Yunsheng’s tone was mocking as she delivered her own verdict.
Chen Jinyue didn't understand why a bit of bedtime small talk had invited such a serious rebuttal.
A spark of frustration flared in her heart. It was fine for Lin Yunsheng to dodge and avoid her, but why did she have to negate herself as well?
Lin Yunsheng shouldn't deny her own worth. Chen Jinyue couldn't accept it.
She propped herself up and forcefully turned Lin Yunsheng by the shoulders, forcing her to look at her. She grabbed both of Lin Yunsheng’s wrists, pinning them together above her head. "Why isn't it amazing?"
"You did your absolute best. Why are you berating yourself just because you couldn't change the entire system? It was hard enough just to protect yourself in that situation, yet you even protected Zhao Man. Lin Yunsheng, tell me, why isn't that amazing?"
Chen Jinyue’s breathing, quickened by the argument, was impossible to ignore in the dark. There was no moonlight tonight; the room was pitch black, and they could only barely make out each other's silhouettes.
She couldn't see Lin Yunsheng’s reddened eyes or the lip she was biting nearly to the point of bleeding.
She could only see her outline, like a shadow of total extinction.
After a long while, Lin Yunsheng spoke in a voice thick with bitterness. "I can't protect anyone..." Then she wrenched her hands free and turned her back once more.
Looking at that lonely back, Chen Jinyue’s unease reached its peak.
She couldn't say anything more. She lay down and pulled Lin Yunsheng into her arms again. The person in her embrace was actually trembling, pushing against her, trying to break free once more.
Chen Jinyue refused to let go. She held her in a death grip and said, "Lin Yunsheng. The day after tomorrow, Valentine’s Day. Let’s talk."
She didn't say her birthday; she emphasized Valentine’s Day.
It wasn't just the living room where time and space had inverted. The person who always sought the other out for a talk had shifted from Lin Yunsheng to herself.
Chen Jinyue didn't wait for her sister's reply; she stopped waiting. But she was unwilling to delay this date by even a single second. A silent breakdown seemed to be closing in on her.
Outside the window, there was only a vast, lonely emptiness.
She and Lin Yunsheng. One bed, two dreams.
The final sentence she hadn't had time to add to the booklet, the romance she had woven in Nancheng, left her now with no way forward and no way back.
—*Can we give each other one more chance?*
—*The moon and the fireworks will bless us.*
***
