Chen Jinyue bid a final farewell to Ren Xiaoxiao with an indescribable mix of emotions and boarded the high-speed train to Jiangzhen.
Or rather, she boarded the train leaving Haicheng. It wasn't as difficult as she had imagined; at the very least, she didn't shed any tears in this moment.
The nighttime journey rendered the window seat useless. There were no beautiful natural landscapes to see, nor were there brightly lit cityscapes to admire. The expensive noise-reducing windows lost their ability to suppress light distortion, appearing now only as ordinary mirrors reflecting the stark white light of the carriage and her face, which was marked by heavy dark circles under her eyes.
Once again, she mechanically pressed her phone screen to light it up, unlocked it, swiped twice, and locked it again, repeating the cycle several times unconsciously.
The last time she had done this was when her mother went to the hospital, and she first learned of the existence of someone named Jiang Haitao.
Ultimately, Chen Jinyue clicked into her chat with Lin Yunsheng. The last message was the one she hadn't replied to: "Are you still coming back?"
There was a lingering illusion of overlapping time and space. Even if she gave an answer now, it wouldn't be too late. *No.*
But of course, she wouldn't do something so neurotic as to reply. Instead, she clicked on the profile picture, moving cautiously to avoid triggering the "nudge" feature—that would be truly embarrassing. What met her eyes was still a hollow interface, displaying the cold, temperatureless words: "Moments are visible for only three days."
As the train entered a tunnel, her sensitive eardrums felt the pressure of the changing air, followed by a ringing sensation. She shook her head to dispel the feeling, but it was futile. She retreated to the message list, unpinned Lin Yunsheng’s chat, swiped left, and deleted the entire conversation history.
The train happened to reach a station just then. The hour-long journey had passed through several tunnels. At this remote small station, not many people got off. She dragged her suitcase onto the platform, passing a middle-aged man who had hopped off for a quick smoke during the few minutes the train was stopped. The wind carried the smoke toward her; she disliked the smell, so she immediately quickened her pace toward the escalator.
She didn't know where the train’s next stop would be. It carried away a sliver of moonlight and Chen Jinyue’s deleted digital data, disappearing into the distance.
When she arrived at the hotel, her mother was indeed playing cards with her friends. At least her effort in buying four sets of group tour packages hadn't gone to waste.
She stood by the table and yawned, letting them know she had arrived. Chen Fang took a moment while the mahjong machine was shuffling to look at her, then at the suitcase by her side. "The tour group heads back tomorrow," she said. "Why did you bring so much stuff just for one night?"
"I got delayed by some things, so I’m late. We’ll just stay a couple more days before heading back."
After saying that, she greeted the other aunts, took her key card, and went to her room.
By the time Chen Jinyue finished her shower, it was already 11:30 PM. Chen Fang had ended the card game early and was waiting for her with the TV on.
"Are you hungry?"
"Huh? No. How have you guys been enjoying the trip these past few days?" She walked over and sat beside her mother.
"Now you think to ask."
"Tsk, I was busy."
"Busy with what? What could you possibly have to be busy with?"
Chen Jinyue didn't answer. She brushed her hair back and lay down with her head in her mother’s lap.
Chen Fang looked down at her, her expression faint.
"Why do you look so unhappy? Did you lose money?"
To her surprise, Chen Fang didn't glare at her or tell her to stop talking about bad luck as she usually did. Instead, she asked her daughter, "Have you been happy lately?"
People are often like that—they’re fine as long as no one asks, but when a mother and daughter share a moment of deep connection in the middle of the night and that question is posed, all the suppressed grievances tend to come spilling out.
She rolled over to face the TV and said, "I guess so."
Chen Fang began to talk to herself. "Time flies so fast. You’re already twenty-five."
"Mm."
"To think you’ve been abroad for six years in the blink of an eye. Once you went abroad, it was like you suddenly grew up."
"Mm..."
"But, Mom, I didn't expect you not to visit me even once in six years."
Chen Jinyue turned her head to look at her mother.
"Plane tickets are expensive, and the travel is exhausting. Besides, it’s not like the old days. We can video call occasionally, so it doesn't feel like you’re that far from home."
"Oh."
"I really don't seem like your biological daughter."
"Lin Yunsheng seems more like it."
Chen Fang slapped her daughter’s hip. "Nonsense again."
Chen Jinyue couldn't help but chuckle. "You used to hit me for saying that when I was little."
"I’ll hit you for saying it now, too." Another light slap followed.
When Chen Jinyue was young, Chen Fang wasn't as easygoing as she was now; she was quite strict.
She wasn't allowed to play outside too late with classmates. she wasn't allowed to use her pocket money at the convenience store to buy pointless toys. She couldn't be distracted during meals or poke at her rice with chopsticks.
And she was absolutely not allowed to cause trouble for Lin Yunsheng.
Chen Fang didn't spend much time taking care of her, but when she did, a lecture was inevitable.
The stereotype of the "strict father and kind mother" was, in her case, mapped onto Chen Fang and Lin Yunsheng.
As a child, Chen Jinyue thought she disliked Lin Yunsheng. Because Lin Yunsheng was too good—everyone liked her—and compared to her, Jinyue felt particularly unlovable.
But Lin Yunsheng always let her bully her, never snitching or speaking up for herself. Consequently, Jinyue vented all the frustration she accumulated from her mother onto Lin Yunsheng to regain her internal balance.
When Chen Jinyue was in fifth grade, a lucky draw game became mysteriously popular in her class. It cost fifty cents a turn; you’d poke a hole in a grid to get a prize. The best slot could be exchanged for a doll half the size of a person. Looking back, it was probably the earliest version of a blind box.
After school, she and Ren Xiaoxiao would walk to the convenience store. Fifty cents each—place your bets and leave it to fate. Chen Jinyue was always the one with bad luck. Out of a board of eighty slots, she could never pick a satisfying one.
That day, as usual, she stuffed a meager prize into her pocket, forgetting it was the day her mother was coming home. While doing the laundry, Chen Fang found the trinket in her pocket and realized she had been wasting money again. She called Jinyue over for a scolding, forbidding her from spending money on such junk. Jinyue talked back: "Everyone else is playing, why can't I!"
"No means no! You are not allowed to waste money."
She stomped back to her room and slammed the door. At that time, the rented house only had two small bedrooms, and she shared one with Lin Yunsheng. As soon as she entered, Lin Yunsheng looked at her and said she would pick her up from school the next day.
Jinyue gave a curt "Oh" and stopped talking to her.
The next day, when Lin Yunsheng arrived at the school on her bicycle, she happened to catch Jinyue and Ren Xiaoxiao standing at the convenience store entrance.
Ren Xiaoxiao asked if she was going to do the draw today. Jinyue pursed her lips and said she wasn't; her mom wouldn't let her. But she offered to help Ren Xiaoxiao pick one.
The other girl replied, "I don't want you to pick for me. You have bad luck."
It made Jinyue fume with rage.
Lin Yunsheng stood to the side and asked, "Do you want to play?"
"I do," Jinyue said, her voice full of defiance and grievance, "but Mom won't let me."
Lin Yunsheng took two coins from her pocket and gave them to her. "Then play one last time. After this, no more, okay?"
Jinyue squinted at her sister. "Really?" Seeing the other nod, she triumphantly took the coins and handed them to the shop owner. "Boss, I want four draws!"
After saying that, she tossed her head back, gloating at Ren Xiaoxiao.
Unfortunately, that gloating lasted less than two minutes. For someone with bad luck, there wasn't much difference between drawing once or four times.
Once again, she stuffed the mediocre prizes into her pocket and sat on the back of the bicycle, fuming all the way home.
When her mother discovered the trinkets a second time, it was too late to regret her carelessness.
Chen Fang’s scolding was even harsher than before. Chen Jinyue bit her lip and stayed silent. But Lin Yunsheng spoke up first: "Mom... I bought them for Xiaojin. Don't blame her."
Chen Fang didn't care; she continued to berate Chen Jinyue.
The scolding brought tears to Jinyue's eyes, and she felt wronged to the extreme. At such a young age, she didn't know that some words should never be said—that they could hurt more than a knife.
She cried out, "You blame me when I buy them, and you blame me when Sister buys them! You’re just biased. I’m the one who’s actually your biological daughter!"
As soon as those words left her mouth, Lin Yunsheng, standing nearby, dug her fingernails into her palms and fell silent.
Chen Fang’s anger flared even hotter. She slapped Chen Jinyue, asking if she knew what she was saying.
The slaps fell one after another. This was the first time Chen Fang had ever hit her.
Chen Jinyue was crying so hard she could barely breathe. Lin Yunsheng shielded her, saying, "Mom, Xiaojin is just being childish. Stop hitting her..."
Only then did the farce end.
Lin Yunsheng quickly took her sister back to their room, lifted the side of her shirt, and gently rubbed the reddened area, asking if it hurt. Chen Jinyue could only cry; she had no strength to reply, her tears and snot mixing in her mouth.
Exhausted from crying, she finally sobbed, "I already have bad luck... I didn't win anything... and then Mom hit me."
It felt as if the whole world was against her.
Lin Yunsheng used her sleeve to wipe Jinyue's nose. She held her close, ignoring the cruel words the girl had just spoken, and comforted her softly: "It’s all a scam. There were no good prizes on that board at all. It’s not that you have bad luck."
"Really?"
"Really. Besides, our Xiaojin’s good luck is being saved for somewhere else." She stroked her hair, finally stopping the tears.
"Really?"
"Really."
Lin Yunsheng’s tone was so certain, like someone who had read the book of fate and was leaking a bit of the answer in advance.
Chen Jinyue had believed her.
In the midst of these old memories, she felt a sense of irony.
—*“Besides, our Xiaojin’s good luck is being saved for somewhere else.”*
She hadn't known then that her luck—both good and bad—had long been destined to be the person standing right in front of her.
Chen Jinyue felt a rare wave of fatigue at an hour when she should be sleeping. She sat up, stretched, and said she wanted to go to bed.
Before sleeping, Chen Fang asked one more question: "Is your sister home alone?"
"Mm, yeah."
"Is she doing okay?"
"She's fine. Why wouldn't she be?" After saying that, she went to her room and hid under the covers.
Early the next morning, Chen Fang got up to see her three friends off on the bus back to Haicheng. She and her daughter remained in Jiangzhen.
The weather was uncooperative; it started raining in Jiangzhen. Chen Jinyue used the sound of the rain as white noise and slept until noon.
After having lunch with her mother at the hotel, they sat on the balcony admiring the mountain view, unable to go anywhere.
"Did you bring all your things?" Chen Fang asked.
"Mm. Sunday morning, high-speed rail back to Haicheng. Then you go home, and I go to the airport."
"Since you have to go back to Haicheng anyway, why not go home on Saturday, pack your bags, and then go to the airport on Sunday?"
"Oh, I wanted to spend two more days with you in Jiangzhen."
Chen Fang scoffed. "If you wanted to spend time with me, why didn't you do it earlier? And now we’re just sitting on this balcony, watching the rain?"
Chen Jinyue smiled and said nothing.
The rain grew heavier, showing no signs of stopping.
Chen Fang was worried about Lin Yunsheng and said she’d call to see if she was okay being home alone. Hearing this, Chen Jinyue stood up, said the balcony was a bit cold, and went back inside.
A short while later, she heard Chen Fang say that Shengsheng seemed too busy and hadn't picked up.
The rain didn't let up until evening. Chen Jinyue and her mother went for a stroll in the center of Jiangzhen and found a local restaurant for dinner. The dried bamboo shoots in Jiangzhen were particularly delicious, so Chen Fang bought some fresh bamboo shoots from the owner to take back to Haicheng, saying she’d make stir-fried bamboo shoots with pork for Lin Yunsheng to try.
Speaking of which, she remembered that Lin Yunsheng still hadn't replied to her WeChat messages. She tried calling again, but still, no one answered.
Chen Fang began to get worried. She asked Chen Jinyue, "Has your sister been especially busy these past few days?"
Chen Jinyue walked ahead of her and said she probably was, given the project during the New Year.
She thought to herself: *I forced her to take a few days off, so she’s probably busy making up for lost time.*
On Friday morning, Chen Jinyue was woken up by Chen Fang, who asked if she had Zhao Man’s contact information.
Chen Jinyue rubbed her eyes groatily. The room was dark, and the air felt exceptionally damp, like the plum rain season. She looked out the window; it had rained all night again.
She said, "I do. Why?"
Chen Fang told her to call and ask if Lin Yunsheng was at the office.
"What for, Mom?"
Chen Fang’s brow was furrowed into a knot. "When was the last time you contacted your sister?"
She thought about it. It was that morning after watching the sunrise on Wednesday, when Lin Yunsheng had slept with her but hadn't held her. "Wednesday morning. Why?"
"When you came from Haicheng, didn't she see you off?"
"No. She should have gone to work. Ren Xiaoxiao took me to the station."
"What do you mean 'should have' gone to work?"
"Your sister still hasn't picked up my calls. Call Zhao Man and ask if she went to the office."
Chen Jinyue didn't want to call. She said Lin Yunsheng was thirty years old and busy with work; it was normal not to have time to reply.
Chen Fang wouldn't listen, her tone becoming anxious. "Just call and ask! Your sister has never been like this!"
Reluctantly, she dialed Zhao Man’s number. The other woman picked up quickly. "Hello, Xiaojin? Is something wrong?"
"Sister Man, sorry to bother you. I just wanted to ask, is my sister at the office today?"
"Huh? Yunsheng? Isn't she on a long leave?"
"..."
"You didn't know?"
"No, I didn't. Do you know where she is?"
"She didn't say. Can't you get ahold of her?"
"No..."
Zhao Man was silent for two seconds before saying, "I’ll give her a call. I’ll let you know if I hear anything."
"Okay, thanks, Sister Man."
She hung up, a bad premonition suddenly taking hold.
"Zhao Man said she’s on a long leave..."
Chen Fang’s eyes immediately turned red with panic. She started packing things in the living room, saying they had to go back to Haicheng right now. Chen Jinyue followed her, telling her to calm down and that there were no more trains to Haicheng at this hour.
"Then we’ll rent a car and drive back!" Chen Fang didn't stop for a second, throwing things into her suitcase.
Chen Jinyue suddenly felt a strange sensation. She couldn't believe the information her brain was subconsciously generating.
She walked to Chen Fang’s side, took a deep breath, and called out, "Mom..."
Her heart was pounding like a drum. After hesitating, she asked the next question: "Do you... do you know something?"
She saw Chen Fang freeze. Her mother stayed in the middle of packing for several seconds without moving, then slowly looked up at her.
Fear surged up from the soles of her feet.
Chen Fang’s eyes were bloodshot. she made a difficult swallowing motion, looking at her daughter and shaking her head slightly. "I really shouldn't have left you two alone in Haicheng."
Chen Jinyue’s mouth fell open involuntarily, and her eyes filled with a watery mist. She took a step back, unable to believe everything she had seen and heard in the last five minutes.
But her legs felt like they were filled with lead; she couldn't move an inch. She stood there, unable to say a word.
Fear transformed into a massive sense of dread that enveloped her. Outside, the rain continued to fall relentlessly. She gritted her teeth hard to determine if this moment was a nightmare.
Chen Fang unzipped a compartment in her suitcase and pulled something out. The room was too dark, the overcast sky blocking out the sun, but Jinyue recognized what it was at a single glance.
The item she had hidden behind her back one night so Lin Yunsheng wouldn't see it, and which she had then forgotten in the living room because she had followed Lin Yunsheng back to the bedroom—the Nancheng Commemorative Album.
If humans had a time machine, she didn't think she would need the ability to turn back time by three years or thirty. She only needed thirty seconds.
She began to regret the question she had asked thirty seconds ago: *Mom, do you know something?*
A secret command had opened Pandora’s box. She saw Chen Fang toss the clothes in her hand into the suitcase, then let out a long sigh.
"Yueyue," she said. "Mom needs to talk to you."
Outside, the rain seemed to fall even harder.
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
仅三天可见 | Visible for only three days | A WeChat privacy setting for one's "Moments" feed.
拍一拍 | Nudge | A WeChat feature where double-tapping a profile picture sends a notification.
南城纪念册 | Nancheng Commemorative Album | A photo album/scrapbook from Nancheng.
赵曼 | Zhao Man | Lin Yunsheng's colleague/friend.
江镇 | Jiangzhen | The town where Chen Jinyue and her mother are vacationing.
