The twenty-inch suitcase—it was there when she arrived, and it was there as she left.
Chen Jinyue packed it full once again. She didn’t have many more belongings than before; a single photograph didn’t take up much space.
In her room, the boxes of her old things she had packed earlier were still there; she hadn't had time to unpack them all. A few shopping bags sat by the wardrobe, containing souvenirs she had bought in Nancheng. Looking at them, Chen Jinyue realized that since returning from Nancheng, one thing had followed another in a relentless pile-up. Only now did she finally have a moment to breathe.
Since she hadn't found the time to give them away, she would leave them here to meet whatever fate awaited them.
She zipped the suitcase shut and snapped the locks with crisp finality.
Standing in the middle of the living room, she looked at this house—at once familiar and strange. It felt so desolate.
A sudden wave of nostalgia for her old rented room washed over her. It had been cramped, noisy, and dilapidated, yet intimate. She wondered who lived there now, or if it even still existed. Perhaps it had been demolished and replaced by a new building.
The old times stored within the cracks of the walls were gone, never to return.
Seven steps took her to the entryway. She changed her shoes and gently closed the door.
She stood there for a long time, then pressed the fingerprint lock to open it, closed it, opened it again, and closed it once more.
On the third time—the final time—she woke the keypad and entered the birthday: "0214." The lock clicked open.
—*“The password is your birthday.”*
—*“Don’t be unhappy anymore.”*
It turned out to be true.
Closing the door for the third time, she wondered if there was anything else she had forgotten to take. There shouldn't be. Was there any reason to open this door ever again? There shouldn't be that, either.
She went downstairs and hailed a taxi, giving the driver Ren Xiaoxiao’s address. She drifted further and further away into the overcast mist.
The high-speed train to Jiangzhen was scheduled for 8:00 PM as usual. She had a few hours to say goodbye to Ren Xiaoxiao—just as they had agreed.
Dragging her suitcase, she rang the doorbell. When the door opened, Ren Xiaoxiao was holding a spatula, asking why she hadn't let herself in. Hadn't she told her the passcode ages ago?
"Did you?"
Ren Xiaoxiao rolled her eyes, too lazy to argue. After finishing up in the kitchen, she wiped her hands and sat on the sofa with her.
A variety show was playing on the TV; whether it was the same one as last time was anyone's guess. Ren Xiaoxiao unpacked the milk tea she had ordered and handed one to her. Chen Jinyue glanced at the label: it was still Sheng Sheng Oolong.
"Are you feeling any better?"
"I wasn't feeling particularly bad."
Ren Xiaoxiao shot her a skeptical look. "What exactly happened?"
"Just that she’s with that colleague from Yuanmao Mansion," she said dismissively.
"Hey, do you think that Yuanmao Mansion person only went to work there to chase her?"
Chen Jinyue shrugged, indicating she didn't know and wasn't particularly interested.
"So, how was living with her these past few days? Is she seeing you off this time?"
"It was fine. We did it."
"Did what?"
Chen Jinyue didn't speak, only blinking at Ren Xiaoxiao.
"Huh???" It took the other girl a long moment to process. "What does that even mean?!"
"It means I’m a glutton for punishment."
This time, it was Ren Xiaoxiao’s turn to be speechless. She pursed her lips, pulled her backpack onto her lap, took out her wallet, and handed a card to Chen Jinyue. "The three hundred thousand you wanted. The PIN is my birthday. You haven't forgotten my birthday, have you?"
"I haven't." She took the card and said, "Thanks. Sorry for the rush. I’ll definitely pay you back within two years."
She rubbed her nose as she spoke, feeling quite embarrassed. Two years—yet she said it with the same tone one might use for "I'll pay you back in two days."
"Whatever. It’s not like I earned the money anyway; it’s all from my family."
"I’m so jealous. People like you, born without ever having to worry about money." She leaned her head on Ren Xiaoxiao’s shoulder.
Ren Xiaoxiao pulled out her phone and started scrolling through short videos. "What's there to be jealous of? When I was a kid, I was jealous of you for having such a good sister."
The moment the words left her mouth, she realized they were inappropriate. She fell silent, her breathing turning shallow.
"Mm..." Chen Jinyue gave a monosyllabic response to show she didn't mind, but she truly didn't want to circle the conversation back to Lin Yunsheng. She tilted her head and watched the nonsensical short videos along with Ren Xiaoxiao.
*“Look closely, this woman is named Xiao Mei—”*
"Ren Xiaoxiao, what is actually good about watching this stuff?" Chen Jinyue asked, biting her straw.
"Oh, it’s just to kill time." She turned the screen toward her, sliding her finger across it. "Look, content like this is actually quite interesting, for example..."
Before she could finish, a new notification popped up. The sender: "Lin Yunsheng."
Ren Xiaoxiao’s finger froze in mid-air. The air turned stagnant, and even Chen Jinyue forgot how to react.
After a few seconds, before the notification could disappear, Ren Xiaoxiao clicked into the chat right in front of her.
Lin Yunsheng: *[Okay, thank you.]*
She calmly replied: *[You're welcome.]*
Then she left the screen on that interface and turned her head to Chen Jinyue. "It’s work."
"You two have work overlaps?"
"Um... originally no, but didn't her project run into trouble recently? That Renhang Advertising company belongs to my uncle. So... we got in touch."
Chen Jinyue sat up straight. "She contacted you?"
"Um... no," Ren Xiaoxiao bit her lip. "I reached out to her."
A strange silence fell over the room. Chen Jinyue looked at her friend, suddenly unsure where to even begin asking.
"Look, it’s just that you mentioned her project had issues, specifically on the placement side. I’ve always known their company collaborates with ours, so I tried checking the company documents and found it was indeed related to her."
"I just gave her a call to ask if there was anything I could help with."
"I never mentioned you, and we never talked about you. The chat logs are all here; see for yourself if you want." She offered the phone to Chen Jinyue.
Chen Jinyue didn't take it. She held the bank card, her thumb tracing the edge of the plastic over and over.
A few seconds later, she chose to break the awkward atmosphere.
"So, is the work thing resolved now?"
"Oh, yeah, pretty much."
"That day when I asked if she needed help, she said yes. I was actually quite surprised; I always thought she hated bothering people."
"Wang Chengfan—do you know that guy?"
"I do."
"She asked me if he was employed at Renhang."
"I checked, and he was. He was the business head for the East China region."
"She asked me if I could have him fired..."
"Is that... compliant?" Chen Jinyue remembered what Zhao Man had told her.
"How should I put it? I asked for the details. If you put in a little effort to investigate Wang Chengfan, you can find grounds to fire him. It’s just a bit deliberate, because his situation is the kind where if you don't look into it, you won't find the problems."
"Do you understand what I mean?"
"Mm..."
The topic came to an abrupt halt. The living room was once again filled only with the noisy, never-ending chatter of the variety show, where the lively people seemed to never have a care in the world.
However, it was indeed strange. Two people who had never had any intersection had suddenly established a connection, and neither had proactively mentioned it to her.
Not to mention that Chen Jinyue wasn't even part of their conversation.
"Ren Xiaoxiao..."
"Yeah."
"Back then, when I told you about me and Lin Yunsheng... why weren't you surprised at all?"
She looked up to meet her eyes, wanting an honest answer.
Ren Xiaoxiao stood up from the sofa. "It’s past five. I’ll go make dinner so you won't be late. It’ll give me a chance to think about how to tell you."
"Okay."
She bit her straw again, but she could no longer taste the milk tea.
Her thoughts drifted to the narrow alley by the side gate of their elementary school. Amidst the cries of the fried food stalls, she and Ren Xiaoxiao had shared a whole skewer of fried pork loin, one bite each.
In middle school, she would go to school with her hair beautifully braided. Ren Xiaoxiao would say how much she envied her, complaining that her own mother would just bunch her hair up in a pile and claim it looked best that way.
High school... in high school, Chen Jinyue’s grades were average, but Ren Xiaoxiao’s weren't. She was always near the top of the grade—smart and pretty, but her tongue had started to become quite sharp. It was only when Jinyue stood before her, dissolved in tears, that she would turn back into the devoted friend, comforting her and crying along with her.
Later, she went abroad. Life abroad wasn't easy. Chen Jinyue had to strive for scholarships—no easy feat for someone whose grades usually hovered in the middle—while working part-time within the legal hours. She was determined to prove herself; she couldn't keep asking Lin Yunsheng for money. All the bitterness and frustration of that time could only be shared with Ren Xiaoxiao.
She truly felt that if it hadn't been for Ren Xiaoxiao, she might not have made it through the period before going abroad, all the way until her university graduation.
—But now,
"Come eat, Chen Jinyue." Someone called her from the dining table.
"Coming." She stood up and went over to sit down.
—But now, she needed to refresh her memories.
Sitting at the table, Ren Xiaoxiao brought her a bowl of chicken soup with a drumstick in it.
The other girl took off her apron and sat opposite her. "Let the soup cool for a bit; it’s hot."
"Okay."
"Alright, I’ll answer your question first—why I wasn't surprised."
"Well... actually, I *was* surprised, but only because you two were actually ending it, not because you had been together."
"I sensed something was off between you two a long time ago. She was a bit *too* good to you, and you were way too clingy with her. You’d mention Lin Yunsheng eight hundred times a day to me, but if I suggested the three of us do something together, you’d get upset."
Chen Jinyue used a spoon to skim the oil off the surface of the soup, scooped a bit out, blew on it gently, and asked, "Can't it just be that we had a good relationship?"
"It could be, but the problem is..."
"In high school, I really wanted to see Lin Yunsheng, too."
Chen Jinyue looked at her, holding her breath for a few seconds, not responding.
"I think... I might have liked your sister..."
"So I looked forward to seeing her. But you looked forward to it even more than I did. I felt my own abnormality first, and then I realized the abnormality between you two."
Ren Xiaoxiao put down her chopsticks. "Wait a second, Chen Jinyue. Let me say this upfront: you’re my best friend. I never intended to do anything with your sister. Don't go crazy or get upset with me after hearing this."
The other girl didn't reply.
"Promise me first, or I won't continue."
"So annoying. Just keep talking."
"I’m the one who’s annoyed. I didn't really need to tell you these things because they aren't important to our friendship; it was just a little thought of my own."
Chen Jinyue took her first sip of chicken soup. It felt a bit bland.
Ren Xiaoxiao pursed her lips and continued, "I’m not sure if it was 'love,' because she was too far away from me. I didn't actually know her. I probably projected a lot of imagination onto her."
"Tsk. So I’m more inclined to say that I really envied you. My family has some money, but I’ve never been loved like that. If I hadn't seen her treat you that way, I might not have believed someone could be so good."
"You envy me for not worrying about money? Back in high school, I think I would have been willing to trade with you."
"I wouldn't." Chen Jinyue lowered her eyes and took a second sip of soup. This time, it tasted a bit sour.
"Oh. Even if you were willing, she might not have been." Ren Xiaoxiao’s tone was somewhat helpless.
"In high school, as long as you packed your bag early, I knew Lin Yunsheng was coming to pick you up. I’d follow you out the school gate, and man, you’d just grab her hand and run, not even saying goodbye to me."
"But even if you didn't say it, Lin Yunsheng would say it to me. A single 'goodbye' from her would make me happy for half the day."
"You're so pathetic."
"Oh, you don't understand. Did you ever experience a teenage crush? You didn't. You were too happy before you turned eighteen." Ren Xiaoxiao rolled her eyes at her.
"Haven't I paid it all back now?"
"Well, that’s true. When you were crying your heart out, I felt really bad for you, too."
"I have to say it again: my feelings for your sister were just a very vague sort of liking. But you are my best friend, do you understand? People don't always have to choose romance first." She emphasized this repeatedly.
"I know." The third spoonful of soup entered her mouth. It was delicious.
"So, do you still like her now?"
"I don't know. I just think of her occasionally, especially when my own relationships aren't going well..."
"Oh, right, I was actually quite surprised that night at the bar when your sister recognized me."
"Really? I don't remember..."
"Well, you had already left by then. Your sister gave me a few hundred yuan and told me to take a taxi home... then she ran out to chase you."
"Before that night, when was the last time you saw her?"
"Your eighteenth birthday. Speaking of which, I was so nervous that night. Your sister was sitting right next to me, and I didn't dare move an inch."
"Then you sang a love song to her, and the two of you stared into each other's eyes for minutes. I thought you two would last until the end of time. Who knew..."
"Who knew we’d end up worlds apart," Chen Jinyue mocked herself with a smile.
"Sigh..."
"I feel like, even though I only have a little money, you have neither money nor love now. It’s so tragic."
"Damn it, shut up, Ren Xiaoxiao. The soup’s getting cold. Drink your soup."
The two finished their meal amidst their bickering. Ren Xiaoxiao breathed a sigh of relief, fearing that a wrong turn in the conversation might have caused Chen Jinyue to misunderstand something.
Meanwhile, Chen Jinyue, sitting in her chair, was still thinking about that phrase "neither money nor love." She felt it wasn't quite right—Ren Xiaoxiao’s love was love, and Chen Fang’s love was also love. How could one say she had no love just because she didn't have a Lin Yunsheng?
It was a biased view.
She shook her head slightly, tossing these thoughts out of her mind.
When she carried her suitcase and sat in Ren Xiaoxiao’s car once more, she was absolutely certain this time—it was the same model as Lin Yunsheng’s.
"No way, Ren Xiaoxiao. You intentionally bought the same car as my sister."
"Are you crazy? It’s a complete coincidence."
"That day when I insisted on walking you to the parking lot, it was actually to see if they were really the same. If they were, I figured it was fate. Too bad your sister hadn't come home yet."
"???"
"You're something else, Ren Xiaoxiao. I thought you were worried I’d catch a cold that day. I was touched for so long."
She shifted into gear and started the car, glancing at the person beside her. "There was definitely an element of worrying you'd catch a cold. Don't always see things in such black and white."
Pure sophistry.
The vehicle merged into the night of Haicheng. Sitting in this familiar yet entirely different car, she realized she hadn't received another message from Lin Yunsheng all day. She didn't know if Lin Yunsheng had realized she was gone. Perhaps she had, but had chosen to let everything stop here.
On the way, Ren Xiaoxiao asked her, "Do you regret it?"
She didn't know what her friend was asking—whether she regretted starting things with Lin Yunsheng, or regretted this trip back to the country.
But the answer was the same.
"I don't regret it."
—No matter how many times it repeated, it would always end this way.
—I would fall in love with her, and she would leave me behind.
Neon lights fell upon the passing cars.
Some people are destined to meet; some are destined to miss each other.
When Ren Xiaoxiao pulled up at the high-speed railway station’s departure level, Chen Jinyue was suddenly struck by curiosity. "Hey, back then, when you liked Lin Yunsheng but still had to spend your energy comforting me... was it hard for you?"
"No. I truly felt bad for you, because I knew how much you loved her."
"I see."
Chen Jinyue unbuckled her seatbelt and got out to retrieve her suitcase.
"But... I was indeed a bit worried back then."
"Hmm?"
"I wondered... was there anyone by Lin Yunsheng’s side, accompanying her the way I was accompanying you?"
—The world was suddenly pressed into a pause.
The large outdoor screen was cycling through train information. A16 was checking tickets; B4 was preparing for departure.
The green light from the screen spilled over the area. In her ears was the safety reminder from a low-quality recorded speaker.
She stood still in the wind, looking back at the people queuing for security. She didn't know which line she was supposed to join.
She suddenly felt so sad again.
—So, was there, Lin Yunsheng?
***
