Chapter 46 - Casting Off
No one could truly say how things had devolved to this point.
She and her sister, Lin Yunsheng, were like the abstract double pendulums of physics—any minute variation in the initial conditions rendered the final outcome utterly unpredictable. The trajectory of their lives had swung wildly, oscillating between cold distance and a heat so intense it threatened to consume them both.
Four hours ago, Chen Jinyue had woken up alone in Lin Yunsheng’s bed. It felt hauntingly like the first day of her eighteenth year—though, of course, she no longer harbored any naive expectations of a sweet morning kiss. The sheer sense of déjà vu was almost laughable. The only mercy was that she didn’t have to wait in agonizing suspense until tomorrow to discover exactly what precarious position she had been placed in.
To her surprise, it wasn't long before a knock sounded at the door. Without waiting for an answer, Lin Yunsheng walked in.
"Ah... you’re actually still home," Chen Jinyue said, her voice thick with the remnants of sleep and a trace of genuine astonishment.
"Mm." Lin Yunsheng didn't look at her directly. She walked straight to the wardrobe and began picking out two outfits, her movements efficient and detached. It appeared she was preparing to head out. "Mom just went to the supermarket to buy groceries. Xiao Jin... you should get up now."
*Ah.*
Chen Jinyue felt a sharp, cynical pang in her chest. So, this was her "delicate" sister’s plan—ensuring a foolproof environment before she felt safe enough to make her escape.
"What are you so afraid of, Lin Yunsheng?" Chen Jinyue mocked, a small, bitter smile playing on her lips. "It’s perfectly normal for two sisters to sleep in the same bed."
She spoke the word "normal" with a breezy, nonchalant air, as if the tangled limbs and whispered pleas of the previous night had never happened. She watched for a reaction, but Lin Yunsheng remained a statue of composure. Without a word of rebuttal, the older woman took her clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.
Chen Jinyue curled her lip and retreated to her own room. She crawled back into her own bed, but the sheets were ice-cold, and her drowsiness had long since evaporated. Her body still ached in two specific places—marks of a passion that felt like a fever dream—yet the perpetrator hadn't offered so much as a word of concern. The lack of acknowledgment left a sour taste in her mouth.
A few minutes later, the heavy thud of the front door echoed through the apartment.
Lin Yunsheng was gone again.
In truth, Jinyue had expected this. She had accepted this reality long ago, which was precisely why she had allowed the love of the previous night to unfold so candidly. She couldn't entirely blame Lin Yunsheng for running; they were both trapped in a cycle they didn't know how to break.
But logic was one thing; emotion was quite another.
Two hours prior to this moment, Jinyue had already finalized her plans. She had purchased her plane ticket to leave the following week, along with four all-inclusive tour packages for a trip departing at eight o'clock tonight.
Now, she sat at the dining table. The house was quiet, occupied only by her and Chen Fang. The remnants of lunch lay scattered before them on stained plates.
"Mom, I’m leaving next week," she said, sliding her phone across the table to show Chen Fang the flight details.
Chen Fang squinted at the screen, checking the date. "Sunday, huh? That’s fine. Is there anywhere else you want to go before you head out?"
"You mean for my last wish?" Jinyue joked darkly.
Chen Fang paused her task of clearing the dishes, raising a hand as if to swat her daughter for the morbid humor. "Watch your mouth and speak properly."
"Hahaha, I’m just kidding. But there is somewhere. I want to go to Jiangzhen."
"Jiangzhen? Sure. When do you want to go?"
"Tonight."
"Why the rush? I have a Mahjong game tonight."
"The tour group was having a flash sale, so I already bought the tickets." Jinyue’s thumb brushed the screen subtly, switching the display from her international flight to the Jiangzhen tour confirmation.
"Tsk, you already bought them? Now I have to tell my friends I can't make it to the game."
"It’s fine, you can still play. I bought four tickets."
"What?" Chen Fang looked at her daughter, suspicious of the sudden generosity. "What are you up to?"
"Oh, stop it. Why don't you all go ahead? The tour is only four days and four nights anyway. None of you have jobs to get back to, so you should be able to get away, right?"
"What about you?"
"I’ll join you in a couple of days. When I bought the tickets, there were only four left at that discount. I’ll see if I can snag another one later."
Chen Fang finally understood her daughter’s "scheme"—or at least, she thought she did. She gave Jinyue a long, knowing look, rolled her eyes, and muttered, "Let me think about it," before carrying the dishes into the kitchen.
Chen Jinyue couldn't see her mother’s expression, but she sensed it wasn't quite happiness, nor was it anger. She waited patiently for about an hour until she heard the familiar sound of her mother calling her friends to coordinate. The plan was in motion.
When she dropped Chen Fang off at the high-speed rail station to meet the tour group, her mother’s three friends were already there, beaming with excitement. They showered Jinyue with praise, thanking her for the treat. Only Chen Fang remained uncharacteristically quiet.
"Mom, have a good time. I’ll find you in a couple of days," Jinyue said, bidding her farewell.
"Alright. Xiao Jin, be careful on your way home."
"I know, Mom. Bye, Aunties."
She waved them off, and as soon as they disappeared into the station, she pulled out her phone and dialed Lin Yunsheng’s number.
The phone rang longer than usual before it was picked up. "Xiao Jin?" the voice on the other end was cautious.
"Are you busy?"
"A little... what is it?"
"Can you come home early today?"
"..." There was no immediate answer, only a heavy, static-filled silence.
"Mom went on a trip with her friends. I just dropped them off at the station. Can you come back early? I don't want to be alone in the house..."
"..."
Lin Yunsheng remained silent for a long time, likely suppressing a thousand questions. Finally, she whispered, "Okay..."
"Thank you, Sister." Jinyue hung up immediately.
She went to the subway station and bought a one-way ticket to a high-end shopping mall. She took her time, eating a solitary meal before wandering into a boutique lingerie store. She picked out two silk nightgowns and a few other "small items." There was no rush; the night was destined to be long.
By the time she returned home, it was nearly ten o'clock. When she opened the door, the familiar glow of the floor lamp in the living room was already on. The person who had been so intimately close to her the night before was sitting there.
Jinyue felt a surge of dark cheer. "You’re back earlier than I am."
It was a pointed comment. She had called at seven, yet she was the one arriving late. By all rights, she should have been the one answering for her whereabouts.
Lin Yunsheng was sitting on the rug with her laptop open. Her fingers paused over the keys. "I just got back," she said softly.
"Okay. I’m going to take a shower first."
Jinyue rinsed her new silk nightgown twice in the sink and tossed it into the dryer on high heat. As soon as she finished her shower, she pulled it out and slipped it on—a silk slip that left a generous amount of skin exposed.
She pushed open the bathroom door, her half-dry hair cascading over her shoulders, and stepped back into the dim living room. Under Lin Yunsheng’s steady gaze, she approached. She sat down beside her sister, leaning her head against the older woman’s shoulder, waiting for the inevitable interrogation.
"Why did Mom... suddenly go on a trip?"
Chen Jinyue closed her eyes, soaking in the scent of Lin Yunsheng’s woody perfume. "She didn't have enough fun in Nancheng, so I told her she should go out with her friends for a few days."
"Did she say anything?"
"No. They were all very happy."
Lin Yunsheng fell silent again.
Jinyue opened her eyes and looked at the laptop screen. "How much longer are you going to be busy, Sister?"
She didn't wait for an answer. She reached out and closed the laptop lid—this night would not tolerate any further interruptions. Moving with a sudden, fluid grace, she knelt on the floor and straddled Lin Yunsheng’s lap.
"Work on it later, okay?"
It sounded like she was asking for permission, but her actions completely disregarded any potential objection. As soon as the words left her lips, she leaned in to kiss her, her movements far more urgent and demanding than they had been the night before.
She grabbed Lin Yunsheng’s hands and guided them to her waist. "Hold me..."
She saw the flash of shock in Lin Yunsheng’s eyes when she realized that beneath the thin silk of the nightgown, Jinyue was wearing nothing at all. The reaction was intoxicating.
Lin Yunsheng moved to lift her, intending to carry her to the bedroom, but Jinyue refused with a soft murmur. "Right here."
She reached to her side, produced a small square box, and took out two packets. She helped her sister put them on, her breath hitching as she began to move in a rhythm of whispered endearments and rising heat.
Late into the night, as she lay curled in Lin Yunsheng’s arms, drifting toward sleep, she asked, "Take a few days off to stay with me, okay?"
She wound her arms around Lin Yunsheng’s neck, her voice a soft, pleading hum. "Please, Sister."
She knew she would get her way.
In these stolen hours, she would drag Lin Yunsheng to the supermarket, stocking up on enough ingredients so they wouldn't have to leave the house for three days. She would wander into deserted aisles and steal kisses that were so bold they wouldn't even care if they were caught.
She would sneak two bottles of wine into the cart, and when Lin Yunsheng gave her a disapproving look, she would pout and say, "You’re so bossy, Lin Yunsheng," until she won a reluctant smile of agreement.
She would stop at a bakery and insist on buying a small cake, telling the clerk to include "18" candles, regardless of whether Lin Yunsheng tried to look away.
The moment they stepped through the door, she would drop the groceries in the entryway, pin Lin Yunsheng against the door, and lose herself in her again.
She would turn Lin Yunsheng into her own private prodigy—clumsy and uncertain yesterday, but today, a master of the art who knew exactly how to make her sink into oblivion.
Afterward, Jinyue clung to her sister’s shoulder, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "I’m so tired... standing up..."
"You were in such a hurry."
"I just suddenly wanted you." Jinyue turned her head to kiss her sister’s cheek before heading to the bathroom for a long, hot soak.
She slept until sunset the next day, waking only when Lin Yunsheng carried her out of bed for dinner. She stubbornly brought out the cake, set it on the table, and used her finger to scoop up a bit of cream. She smeared it on Lin Yunsheng’s lip and watched as she licked it off.
Then, she said mischievously, "It’s mine. You’re not allowed to eat it." When Lin Yunsheng simply let her be, she smeared more on and initiated a cream-flavored kiss. *Does this make you remember my eighteenth birthday?*
She kissed her until Lin Yunsheng’s face was flushed, her voice low and strained. "Let’s eat first, Xiao Jin..."
"No."
She sat on her lap, entangling her in another round of passion right there at the dining table.
Did humans possess a sixth sense called "premonition"? When applied to a parting, it felt like watching sand slip through one's fingers—a slow-motion disaster one was powerless to stop. Who could truly reclaim what was already lost?
Lin Yunsheng watched her sister tremble in her arms once more. She saw Jinyue’s lips part, a smudge of white cream still clinging to her cheek. She held the breathless, incoherent girl close, yet Jinyue still felt miles away. They had filled a shopping cart together and returned to a place they called home, but the reality felt thin and translucent.
The snow of North City, the fog of Haicheng, the wind of Nancheng—they were all drifting away together. She was in a place with no anchor, where the concept of seasons had vanished. All that remained was the overflowing dampness of the night.
When Chen Jinyue fastened the leather collar she had bought alongside the nightgown around Lin Yunsheng’s neck, her eyes shone with a dark satisfaction.
"What are you doing..." Lin Yunsheng’s sticky hand reached up to touch the leather at her throat, feeling the small, dangling bell.
"Tying you down," Jinyue whispered with a light laugh.
Lin Yunsheng ignored her sister’s protest and unfastened the collar, only to loop it around Jinyue’s own neck instead.
"You’re the one who needs to be held tight," she whispered.
Chen Jinyue didn't argue. She allowed herself to be pulled back into the surging tide, letting the bell ring out through the night.
They became creatures rebelling against the tide, manic during the night and comatose during the day. The world narrowed down to four things: eating, sleeping, kissing, and expressing love. Chen Jinyue was obsessed with making every inch of this home as damp and saturated as she was. The rug, the entryway, the living room, the kitchen—she wanted Lin Yunsheng to remember the love she had poured out in every corner of this house for the rest of her life.
Before her consciousness faded in the final tremor of the night, she whispered that she wanted to see the sunrise.
And so, she found herself in a car at five in the morning, chasing the sun. The interior of the car was warm and clean; they no longer had to wrap themselves in three layers of clothing to hail a taxi in the twilight. Lin Yunsheng drove steadily, the sixty-kilometer journey seemingly effortless.
The old playlist was still playing:
*...Starting from the beginning, just one more time for you and me to reenact,*
*One more episode, the previous one was just a rehearsal, let the plot change slowly.*
*Playing the role again, playing someone who believes more in love,*
*The way of loving, the previous act was imperfect, let’s spend our passion and do it all over again...*
Chen Jinyue rolled down the window slightly. The cold wind whipped against her face, tangling her hair.
"Aren't you cold?" her sister asked.
"Mm... I want to feel it a bit more." A rare sense of exhaustion and gravity settled over her.
Lin Yunsheng drove to a deserted stretch of the shore. They sat in the car, waiting in silence for the light to break. They no longer needed the "blue hour" to hide their secrets or their surging desires.
They kissed naturally in the car, Jinyue sitting on Lin Yunsheng’s lap as she often did. She traced the line of her sister’s ankle. "I really want to chain you up."
Chen Jinyue didn't want to talk. She reached into the center console for the box of protection and urged Lin Yunsheng to continue.
She greeted the sunrise with her bare back against the sea mist. Her ragged breaths turned into fog on the car windows, which she then wiped away with a trembling hand, turning the mist into droplets of water.
Before the sky was fully bright, she pressed down on Lin Yunsheng’s wrist. After a long moment of calming her breath, she said, "Lin Yunsheng..."
"I... I want to take back my things."
*Did humans possess a sixth sense called "premonition"? When applied to a parting...*
Lin Yunsheng didn't answer. She pulled her sister’s hand away and continued with a desperate, obsessive focus.
"Don't... Lin Yunsheng, ah—"
She was met with deafening silence.
Chen Jinyue fought through her clouded consciousness and reached for her sister’s wallet.
Lin Yunsheng’s movements became erratic and uncoordinated, but tears began to stream down her face. She couldn't even spare a hand to wipe them away.
"Stop, I’m begging you..."
Logic could listen to reason, but the fear disguised as impulse could not.
Lin Yunsheng pulled her hand back and cupped her sister’s jaw, kissing her with a viscous, suffocating intensity that left no room for breath.
Chen Jinyue was forced backward, her body accidentally pressing against the horn on the steering wheel. A sharp, piercing blast echoed through the mist, finally jolting the weeping woman back to reality.
"Don't cry..." Jinyue reached out to wipe the tears from Lin Yunsheng’s face. She wondered what she had done to deserve this; she hadn't seen this woman cry once in over a decade, yet in the span of a few days, it had happened three times.
"I just want it."
"Don't cry, Lin Yunsheng... It... it was mine to begin with." Jinyue’s own voice broke.
"You were the one who didn't want it back then."
"I never said I didn't want it..."
"How could you say that?"
Jinyue could no longer tell what the "it" Lin Yunsheng was referring to actually was.
She didn't want to engage in an endless, circular argument. She opened the wallet and pulled out the Polaroid. Only then did she realize Lin Yunsheng had placed it in a protective sleeve to prevent scratches.
She gripped the corner of the photo tightly, straightened her clothes, and returned to the passenger seat.
"The one... the one we took on the plane. That one is yours," she said, offering words that held no comfort, a futile attempt to stop Lin Yunsheng’s tears.
She stared out at the lingering fog. The time for the sunrise had long since passed, but the clouds were too thick to let even a single ray of light through.
Lin Yunsheng said nothing more. She drove back in a heavy, suffocating silence.
The speakers continued their tireless song:
*...When will it start, one more time to see how you and I perform,*
*One more sequel to fulfill our wishes, perhaps fate can be completely changed.*
*Yet the current situation is that we are on separate sides,*
*I only hope that one day I will truly fall in love with you all over again...*
Chen Jinyue slept until one in the afternoon. When she had fallen asleep, Lin Yunsheng had been beside her, but this time, she hadn't held her.
She got up to look for her, only to find that she was the only one left in the house.
*That’s for the best.* She had planned to leave today anyway.
She looked at the Polaroid in her hand. Her seventeen-year-old self was smiling radiantly. The beautiful sunrise in the background was as exquisite as her sister. She had always cherished the memory of that kiss Lin Yunsheng had tried—and failed—to resist; that romantic moment where they hadn't said a word but understood everything. That sunrise had felt like their opening ceremony.
Now, she had already boarded the boat leaving the shore, and she no longer prayed for a harbor. Having tasted the lust of Lin Yunsheng’s kisses, she had severed her obsession with mending the red thread of fate. Having tasted her desolate tears, she no longer sought a continuation.
She gave a soft, weary laugh. Her neck felt itchy, as if the damp leather collar was still there. She reached up to scratch it, but there was nothing there.
