Jingshan Temple was a renowned sanctuary in East China, nestled halfway up a mountainside. It took Chen Jinyue a fair amount of effort to reach it alongside her sister. She wasn't sure if there was a large-scale prayer event today or if it was simply the typical Saturday rush, but the flow of people was endless.
Ancient trees reached toward the heavens, and the air was thick with the faint, drifting scent of incense, lending a sense of solemnity to Jinyue’s heart.
In truth, she had never been a believer, nor had she ever heard Lin Yunsheng mention anything about burning incense or worshipping Buddha.
She had always felt that rather than praying, one should strive. Yet now, her sister seemed to have chosen a diametrically opposite path—giving up the struggle and choosing to pray.
Jinyue stepped over the mossy stone stairs, following Lin Yunsheng through the mountain gate to request incense from a monk. The man explained that three sticks were for one's own blessings, while six were for two generations. Lin Yunsheng kept her eyes lowered as she counted out six sticks.
She turned back to ask her sister, "Do you want some?"
Chen Jinyue shook her head. "No, I’ll just stay with you."
Lin Yunsheng lit the incense with a candle and walked slowly toward the censer, surrounded by others who had come to pray. Some had brought their own incense—thick, long bundles that sent up billowing clouds of smoke, suggesting they carried heavy, significant wishes in their hearts. Compared to them, Lin Yunsheng was much simpler. After a bow, she tucked her incense into the ash.
Watching the dense crowd around the censer, Chen Jinyue wondered if there were truly so many desires in this world that people were powerless to achieve on their own, forced to beg the gods for help.
And what was Lin Yunsheng’s wish?
She watched Lin Yunsheng walk into the hall and kneel quietly on a prayer mat. Before her stood a colossal Buddha statue, making Lin Yunsheng look particularly small.
For some reason, seeing her sister like this made Jinyue feel a sudden pang of loneliness. Around them, some faces were etched with worry while others wore smiles, but Lin Yunsheng simply knelt there, her expression unreadable.
Jinyue stared at her back, waiting for her to prostrate. Unexpectedly, Lin Yunsheng glanced back at her at that moment. The noise of the surroundings seemed to vanish; in this world, only she, her sister, and the Buddha remained. Jinyue held her breath and, drawn by that gaze, unconsciously took a step forward. Then, Lin Yunsheng turned back, looked up at the Buddha to make her wish, and bowed her head to the floor. She remained there for a few seconds before rising.
It was as if that backward glance had been nothing more than an unintended slip.
Lin Yunsheng took some merit money from her pocket, dropped it into the donation box, and walked toward her sister. "All done," she said.
Only then did Jinyue snap out of it. "Do you have anything else to do today?"
"No."
"Shall we go eat?"
"Mm..."
Lin Yunsheng began walking down the mountain. Jinyue wanted to take her hand, but Yunsheng kept hers tucked in her coat pockets, giving no opening for the gesture.
They didn't go far, choosing a small restaurant at the foot of the mountain. Jinyue poured the tea while Lin Yunsheng handled the ordering. She didn't ask what Jinyue wanted, taking the lead to order three dishes, finally telling the server, "No cilantro, thank you."
Jinyue lowered her head, her right hand gripping the teacup tightly. Even as her skin flushed red from the heat, she didn't let go. Lin Yunsheng saw this and reached out, gently prying her hand away. She rubbed Jinyue’s palm and asked, "What's wrong?" Her tone was still very flat.
"I just thought about that time at Yuanmao Residences... when I was unhappy because of the cilantro."
The words fell, and silence followed.
After a long pause, Jinyue spoke. "Sister, that day... were you unhappy because I went back to Haicheng early?"
"You were afraid Mom would notice something was wrong, weren't you?"
Lin Yunsheng froze, looking into her sister's eyes. Then she asked, "Where did you come from to get to Wencheng?"
"Jiangzhen."
She wasn't actually surprised; after all, Jinyue’s message asking where she was in Wencheng had arrived shortly after her phone call with Chen Fang.
But if Chen Jinyue was bringing up the events of the second day of the Lunar New Year so suddenly, a subtle sense of unease began to stir within her.
She picked up her teacup, contemplating how to phrase her next question.
But Jinyue beat her to it. "Did you come straight to Wencheng on Wednesday after you woke up?"
"Mm..."
"Why did you leave first?"
Lin Yunsheng gave a soft, faint smile. "Do I always have to be the one watching you leave?" Her question was met with silence.
She added, "Who would have thought you’d come running here too..."
"Do you not want to see me anymore...?"
Yunsheng took a sip of water, choosing not to answer. Instead, she asked, "So, why did you come here... what do you want to say to me?"
The waiter arrived with their food, interrupting the conversation. It so happened that Jinyue didn't think now was the right time to talk about it either.
"Let's eat first."
"Mm..."
Jinyue placed a slice of lotus root into Lin Yunsheng’s bowl. The latter looked up at her with a strange expression.
"What... why are you looking at me like that just for giving you some food?"
"You're very odd today."
Jinyue pursed her lips and lowered her head to eat.
Sunlight spilled over the foot of the mountain. All of Wencheng felt like it was budding with the arrival of spring, as if the clouds were waiting for the temperature to rise and the seeds in the soil were all yearning to sprout.
After lunch, they walked under the sun. Jinyue asked if there was anywhere else she wanted to go. Yunsheng shook her head.
"Did you come all this way just for the temple?"
"Yes."
"Then what did you wish for?"
"I can't say."
"Oh."
The wind had been warmed by the sun, carrying the fresh scent of mountain soil into Jinyue’s breath.
She stopped walking and tugged on Lin Yunsheng’s sleeve. "Sister..."
"Mom told me some things."
Lin Yunsheng turned back sharply, the unease from lunch returning in full force.
"What did she say?" she asked tentatively.
"Well, some things about when you were little."
"There's nothing worth saying about that..."
"And..."
"And what?" Yunsheng was becoming agitated.
"Can I hug you first?"
"What?"
"Can I... have a hug?"
For some reason, Lin Yunsheng felt like it was that night after she had attended the parent-teacher meeting for Jinyue’s final year of high school. Chen Jinyue had prepared every word of her response, while Yunsheng herself had never been gifted with the talent to say no.
She moved in front of Jinyue, not reaching out, but allowing the other girl to pull her into an embrace.
"What else did she say?"
Jinyue tightened her arms, circling her sister in her hold. "Are you nervous?"
"Xiao Jin, stop playing around."
"She told me about what happened on your eighteenth birthday..."
As she spoke, she felt the person in her arms go rigid. An unsteady breath escaped Yunsheng’s throat, and she tried to pull away.
Jinyue was glad she was holding her, as it gave her the immediate chance to soothe her. She said quickly, "Lin Yunsheng, don't be afraid... don't be afraid. Mom doesn't blame you."
"Don't be afraid."
As she finished, Jinyue found herself starting to cry for some reason.
She wondered how many moments of panic Lin Yunsheng had faced in her life, and if anyone had ever held her like this and told her not to be afraid.
*“Is there someone by Lin Yunsheng’s side, staying with her the way I stay with you?”*
She had known the answer for a long time, which was why she had felt so sad back then—of course there wasn't.
She slowly loosened her embrace and saw her sister's tears. She hurriedly reached out to wipe them away. "Do you feel very wronged? Don't cry, Sister."
Jinyue’s own tears were falling heavily, but she didn't stop to wipe them, continuing, "I'm sorry, I was so thoughtless before..."
She used her sleeve to dab the moisture from her sister's face.
Lin Yunsheng looked at her with tearful eyes. "Why did you talk about that?"
She hadn't even talked about those things with Chen Fang herself.
"Stop crying, it hurts me so much to see you like this..."
"It's just that Mom couldn't reach you and she was worried. We talked and talked, and then she told me."
"Don't cry anymore, okay...?"
Lin Yunsheng’s tears refused to listen to her.
"Then... did Mom say anything?" Her eyes betrayed panic and a hint of pleading.
Jinyue pulled her into her arms once more. "No... don't worry, she won't leave you..."
"And you?"
"...What?"
"Will you blame me?"
She had clearly asked if she would leave her first, but when she asked a second time, it changed to whether she would blame her.
Jinyue’s right hand moved to her hair, gently stroking it. "How could I have the heart to blame you? I can't even hate myself enough."
"..."
"I won't leave you either."
She held her sister in the sunlight, waiting for her to calm down. Just as Yunsheng had held her when she was a child.
People often said the sun loved everyone on earth equally. At this moment, could Lin Yunsheng feel it—the haze she had carried for so many years being laid bare in the sunlight, the old dust brushed away, finally seeing the light of day?
There were still many things left unsaid between her and Lin Yunsheng, all of which would wait for her sincere repentance and confession at the foot of the temple mountain.
She let the sun dry their tears.
Then, she slowly released the hug again. She saw Lin Yunsheng, whose eyelashes were clumped together with moisture and whose nose was red from crying, say, "Don't hate yourself."
Even at a time like this, she had to respond to that one sentence.
"Then stop crying..."
"Mm..."
She took Lin Yunsheng’s hand and walked back to the hotel with her. When they reached the door, Lin Yunsheng tried to pull her hand away to get the room card, but Jinyue held on, asking where the card was and reaching for it herself.
She swiped the door open and nudged it shut with her foot. She didn't let go until she had led her sister to a chair.
"What are you doing? It's not like I'm going to run away."
"Because it was so hard to finally hold your hand." Jinyue leaned against the windowsill, her back to the sun, watching Lin Yunsheng sitting there so obediently—quiet, silent, and heartbreaking.
Chen Jinyue told Lin Yunsheng everything about her conversation with their mother, as well as the commemorative album she had forgotten in the living room—a literal fuse. It was hard to say now whether that bit of carelessness had been a blessing or a curse.
Lin Yunsheng listened for a long time without responding.
And in this moment, having finished the story, Jinyue finally realized that Lin Yunsheng’s love was far greater than her own.
Jinyue loved her because she had the capacity to do so; she had grown up in love, receiving it and giving it back.
But Lin Yunsheng loved her because she had built that capacity for herself. She hadn't glimpsed love in her youth, and when she fell into it as an adult, she was panicked and apprehensive. In the end, she loved Chen Jinyue by sacrificing herself—clumsily but with utter sincerity.
Jinyue knelt down, sitting on the floor, and took her sister's hand again. "Are you still mad at me? For those few days..." She pressed Yunsheng’s palm against her own cheek.
During those days, she had cruelly plundered Lin Yunsheng’s affection. In every rise and fall of their bodies, she had squandered it on lust, making a cherished love seem worthless.
She had thought she was the one in pain then, but now she finally understood—Lin Yunsheng, watching the love she had carefully sculpted be desecrated in such a way, was the one who hurt most.
"I was never mad at you."
She was always this gentle.
"Did you know that when I was little, I always wanted to provoke you...?"
"How could I not know... there was a period when you were particularly disobedient."
Jinyue gave an embarrassed smile. "But now, I'm so afraid you'll actually be angry..."
"You aren't very obedient now, either."
"Ah... really?" She tilted her head to rest on her sister's lap.
"Don't sit on the floor."
"No, it's better this way so I can look at you."
"...Where did you learn all this?"
"I don't know." —*Maybe I learned it from the young Lin Yunsheng.*
She felt like it had been nearly ten years since she had spoken to her with such purity.
She asked if she felt a bit lighter now. Lin Yunsheng nodded, the light hitting her face and turning her pupils a deep amber.
They stayed in the room together until they had watched Wencheng’s beautiful sunset, and only then did Jinyue take out her phone to order takeout. After dinner, she dragged her sister to the supermarket downstairs to buy some drinks.
"Are you still drinking tonight?" she asked, standing before the shelves.
Lin Yunsheng picked out a bottle of low-alcohol cider. "A little more... what about you?"
"I'm not drinking; I have to get up early tomorrow. I want this." She pointed her finger at the Wangzai Milk nearby.
What a strange little supermarket, placing two such unrelated items in the same section.
After paying, she led Lin Yunsheng back to the room, not wanting to let go for a single second.
"Have you not been sleeping well these past few days?"
"Mm..."
"Then get some rest early tonight." The other didn't answer—she was a little reluctant to let the day end.
"But why did you come all the way to Wencheng to request incense?" Jinyue crawled under the covers, hugging her sister from behind.
Her breath hit Lin Yunsheng’s neck, making her shoulders instinctively hunch.
"Because there are no temples in Nancheng."
Ah.
Jinyue wrapped her left arm around her neck, pulling her closer. "You're so cute, Lin Yunsheng."
"So what exactly did you wish for?"
"I really can't say."
"Oh."
Her left arm felt an itch. Looking down, she saw a red thread peeking out from under Lin Yunsheng’s pillow. She reached out to pull it—it was that hair tie.
Now that those little charms that had once caused her pain were gone, it truly looked like a red string of fate.
"Lin Yunsheng."
"Hmm?"
"How exactly did you grow up? It must have been so hard."
The person in her arms rolled over to face her. She reached out to tap Jinyue’s nose, and Jinyue took the opportunity to wind the red string around her fingers, loop by loop.
"It wasn't that hard... didn't I meet Mom?"
"Mom really loves you. Don't be afraid that she doesn't want you anymore."
"Mm..."
"That night you saw her, did you cry afterward?"
"I cried for a long time." She finally told the truth, no longer hiding her vulnerability.
"After you left, what I found hard to endure wasn't the time, it was... how should I put it, it was the things that could never be undone that made me... suffer. I always felt I had let you down... and Mom too."
As she spoke, her eyes reddened again.
Jinyue leaned in to kiss the corner of her eye. "...You know? Back then, I felt my life was full of regrets because it ended so unclearly."
"Now I feel even more regret. I missed so many moments when I could have wiped away your tears. If only I had discovered your fear and loneliness sooner, if only I could have stayed with you."
She took the red string off her fingers. "Can I kiss you?"
Lin Yunsheng didn't speak; she simply closed her eyes. Jinyue leaned in and gently licked her lips, calling her softly, "Sister..."
When they broke apart, she carefully wiped the moisture from Yunsheng’s lips.
"Do you really believe in Buddha?"
"Why... why are you asking that right after kissing me?"
"I just thought of it."
"Well... I don't strictly believe. Is that bad to say? What if my wish doesn't come true? I believe, I believe a little."
Jinyue was amused by her. "I almost thought you were going to become a nun."
"I can't."
"Hmm?"
"I can't sever my worldly desires..."
True. Jinyue leaned in to kiss her again.
"I don't really believe either. I feel like you've already become my faith. In my twenty-some years of life, it's always been you..."
"Ah... but I'm not that great. Don't put me in such an important position."
Jinyue bumped her nose against her sister's. "Mm... you don't have to be that great. You don't have to be perfect. If you fall, I'll catch you, okay, Lin Yunsheng?"
"But in this world, nothing is more important than you."
The person she was touching now felt as if time had shifted twenty years, allowing her to meet her anew—to rediscover her struggles and brokenness, her imperfections and pain, and of course, her love.
The reason Lin Yunsheng could be her source of comfort was that she had given her all of her pure, silent love.
She pressed her forehead against Yunsheng’s.
"I feel like I'm dreaming right now."
"Hmm?"
"Sometimes, I don't dare to be too happy. I have this feeling of being afraid of being found out." Lin Yunsheng gazed at her sister with tender eyes.
"But being with you back then... I was so happy, it was like a dream. And then fate played a joke on me."
"It's that feeling again."
"Then am I still in your dreams now?" Jinyue asked.
"Yes... it's always been you. Sometimes you even argue with me in my dreams."
"Well, I'm sorry then."
Lin Yunsheng smiled. "I was so sad a couple of days ago. I thought, will I ever fall in love with anyone else in this life? Would it be easier?"
Jinyue’s eyes immediately widened. "What? Lin Yunsheng, you were actually thinking about that? No way." She kissed her somewhat possessively. "Don't abandon me."
"Then are you still leaving?"
Jinyue looked into her eyes and nodded.
Then, before the disappointment could sink into Lin Yunsheng’s heart, she lifted Yunsheng’s wrist and gently tied the red string around it, making a beautiful knot.
"But my string is in your hand."
"I'll wait for you to straighten everything out, okay?"
Lin Yunsheng nodded with red-rimmed eyes.
So, in which year was her sister truly trapped?
Was it at seven, when she realized that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't be loved? Was it at ten, when life stripped away her hope once more? Or was it even earlier?
Jinyue didn't know if she held the key to save her, but she understood that Lin Yunsheng needed time to reconcile with herself and communicate with their mother. Only then would it be possible for her to fulfill her love without distraction.
She didn't want Lin Yunsheng to be broken; she wanted her to be whole. She didn't need her to be perfect, because her imperfections were equally captivating.
Jinyue had been nourished by the love of Lin Yunsheng and their mother for so many years, growing into the "complete" person she was today. She wanted them to become complete together, to stand in the sun without fear of loss or self-reproach.
And no matter what Lin Yunsheng eventually became, Jinyue knew her love should not be a shackle or a hindrance.
The frequent victim of insomnia had long since forgotten how to fall asleep. Melatonin was not needed tonight; the two exhausted souls were both the type who wanted to sleep but were loath to close their eyes.
Jinyue pestered Lin Yunsheng with many, many questions. Did she really get into fights when she was little? Was she actually angry when Jinyue was being naughty? Who was taller now? She even asked if that old-fashioned bicycle was easy to ride.
Lin Yunsheng answered each one patiently. Later, when there was no response from beside her, she thought her sister had fallen asleep. She looked up and found Jinyue smiling at her.
"...What is it?"
"Sister..."
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for giving me so much love."
"..." Lin Yunsheng’s face flushed at the simple confession. She buried her head back into Jinyue’s chest.
"...Then, do you have anything else to ask? It's almost dawn."
She had forgotten. She had forgotten what she wanted to ask, but it didn't matter. The answer was always Lin Yunsheng; it was always that she loved her very much.
Jinyue sat up and saw the bottle of perfume on the nightstand. She picked it up, opened it, and sprayed a mist into the air. "Do you like this scent?"
"I like it."
"I mean, do you *really* like it? Not just because of me."
"Yes, I really like it." —*But how to exclude the variable of my sister, I really don't know.*
Jinyue laughed. She looked out the window; it was dawn. The person who had previously left the shore felt, in a daze, that she had reached it once again.
She looked back at her sister, at her nervous and sensitive soul. Her previous thought that Yunsheng was like her faith didn't seem wrong. She was the deity that Chen Jinyue allowed to fall, and she had brought her an eternal enlightenment regarding love.
She leaned down and kissed her sister's forehead.
Before Chen Jinyue left with her suitcase, she placed the commemorative album on the nightstand and used the perfume bottle to solemnly weigh down the slightly curled cover.
She walked out of the hotel lobby before the sky was fully bright. She turned back to look at her sister through the glass. Lin Yunsheng waved at her, and Jinyue saw the red string tied to her wrist swaying along—more vibrant than it had been that day in the plum garden.
She took out her phone and snapped a photo of Lin Yunsheng behind the glass.
Saving her new eternity and hope.
***
