"Why did you follow me?"
The river’s surface was crowded with countless warm-hued lanterns. Pei Yunting gazed toward the opposite bank at the group of people laughing and talking. His expression was serene, betraying no emotion.
Hearing the footsteps behind him, he did not turn around.
The rustle of fabric sounded again as the newcomer slowly walked to his side.
"Does fate truly exist in this world?" the person asked leisurely. Her voice was as clear as jade, yet carried a hint of chilling coldness.
Princess Xiyue looked up at the bright moon in the sky; the moonlight was pure and flawless. "The person Uncle Pei has waited for all these years was actually someone they had met long ago without realizing it."
"Ye Zhao has forgotten everything, yet he still remembers his absolute trust in him. And Uncle Pei did not fail that reliance, recognizing him at a single glance. Yunting, if one day I were to forget you, would you be able to find me too?"
She turned her head, her gaze falling on the profile of the man beside her.
Pei Yunting did not speak. He knew what Princess Xiyue meant, but... he could not do it. He did not possess the deep affection she desired.
"It won't happen," Pei Yunting said eventually, lowering his eyes. "That day will never come."
She understood...
Princess Xiyue looked down at the river and let out a silent, light laugh—a laugh tinged with bitterness. Her hands, resting flat against her stomach, slowly tightened. The red cord knot in her palm was nearly crushed into a ball.
Laughter and chatter surrounded them. After an unknown amount of time, she finally exhaled slowly and spoke abruptly. "I remembered something from my childhood."
Without needing a response from the man beside her, she began her story. "When I was seven, my grandmother held me and showed me a portrait of Lord Tianshu hanging in her room. It depicted a scene from that year’s Qixi Festival."
"Under a sky filled with red silk tree blossoms, Lord Tianshu stood sideways at the prow of a boat. With just one look, I was uncontrollably drawn to the person in the painting. I thought, this is truly a magnificent person. Later..." A faint smile touched her lips, her eyes full of reminiscence.
"Later, Grandmother told me that he was a hero—a hero like no other in this world."
Pei Yunting remained silent, though the slight look of contemplation on his face showed he was listening intently.
"Pfft..." Thinking of something, Princess Xiyue suddenly chuckled and turned to him. "Have I ever told you what my greatest wish was?"
Pei Yunting was momentarily stunned. Indeed, she had never said...
"Perhaps even I almost forgot. Once, my greatest wish was to marry someone as powerful as Lord Tianshu and become the wife of the world's greatest man."
Princess Xiyue gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear that had been ruffled by the wind. Having said it, her face showed a sense of relief and ease.
Seeing the slightly bewildered Pei Yunting, she suddenly smiled. It was no longer a distant, detached smile, but one that was bright and clear. "I was mistaken. I was wrong from the very beginning."
She said, "Being the wife of the world's greatest man was merely a simple, beautiful dream I once had. I shouldn't have projected the person from my dreams onto you. You are Pei Yunting, not Tianshu. What I wanted wasn't actually to marry someone like Tianshu; that was just an obsession I’ve held for a long time. I chased it for so long that even I became trapped in the dream I wove for myself."
"Enough. I am awake now."
An ignorant young girl always fantasizes about marrying a hero. But there are no heroes in reality, so she found Pei Yunting—the person closest to a hero—and believed he was the one she loved.
In truth, it was nothing more than an aspiration, a beautiful fantasy. It could not even be considered love.
Tianshu was a hero, but to her, he was merely a stranger. How could there be love...
Tonight, seeing the young girl agree to "marry" Ye Zhao, she had suddenly remembered this matter that had long since rotted in the depths of her memory. That was the original root of her "affection" for Pei Yunting.
"You also think I am inferior to him."
Snapping out of her thoughts, Princess Xiyue was startled to hear these words. She turned to look at Pei Yunting’s profile.
The young man’s cold, hard facial lines created a sharp, handsome silhouette, yet it failed to stir even a hint of romantic longing in her heart.
She replied, "No. I have never thought that."
Pei Yunting turned his head; her previous words had clearly caused a misunderstanding.
Their eyes met.
He truly did not understand her heart. Princess Xiyue weighed her words and replied, "Yunting, perhaps no one has ever required you to be compared to him. You are you, and he is he. What does it matter even if a winner is decided? You are Pei Yunting..."
She sighed with emotion.
You will never become someone else, so what do your merits or flaws have to do with others? Likewise, what do the actions of others have to do with you?
Her hands, hidden in her sleeves, slowly clenched as she softly tried to guide him. "My obsession is resolved. What about yours? What is the meaning of your resentment, hatred, or joy regarding Tianshu? No one demands that you live exactly like him. You are just yourself..."
Having finished, Princess Xiyue slowly turned and walked away.
By the riverbank, Pei Yunting stood silently for a long time. His straight back was as rigid as a blade. He remained speechless, standing there alone as people passed him by.
The night was as cool as water. The bustling night scene lasted until midnight before finally coming to an end, and the crowds dispersed.
The hem of a robe brushed over a threshold. A figure, almost blending into the darkness, stood in the shadows beneath the eaves, waiting for the late returner.
The moment Pei Shian stepped into the courtyard, he saw the figure standing before the door and halted his steps.
"Why are you waiting here?"
Pei Yunting’s gaze caught the small orange bean-shaped lantern in the other’s hand. He pursed his lips. "Father..."
He seemed to want to say something, but two seconds passed without another word.
Pei Shian began walking toward the house. The moment they crossed paths, Pei Yunting could no longer suppress the emotions in his heart and called out sharply, "Father!"
The hand about to push the door open stopped in mid-air. Pei Shian looked back. "What is it?"
*What is it?! Can I not call out to you if there is nothing? Can you not look at me more if there is nothing? Can you not even have the time to say one more word or stay a moment longer with me?!*
Countless questions—whether born of indignation, grief, or... grievance—roared chaotically in his heart. The quiet atmosphere tightly enveloped the two of them like syrup trapping ants, making it impossible to struggle or move.
"Can you... not say one more word to me?"
His gaze slid across the face that was fifty percent similar to his own. Pei Shian’s eyes fell upon the empty courtyard behind him. A milky-white glow hit the leaves and plants in the yard, and a light breeze passed through, bringing a faint rustling sound.
"Say what? What do you want to know?"
His body felt stiff as he stood motionless. Pei Yunting merely raised his eyes, his gaze stubborn and persistent as he stared at the man before him, speaking almost one word at a time. "Tell me why you married my mother back then! And why... you had me."
His strained voice dropped, his throat trembling. These two questions had circled in his heart countless times.
"Am I your son? In your heart, has there ever been a place for my mother and me?!"
"If from beginning to end, there has only been that one person in your heart!"
His voice stopped abruptly. He took a deep breath, but the words that followed remained unspoken.
He closed his eyes. The previous intensity vanished, replaced by a calm statement: "When I was seven, I accidentally entered that studio once."
A seemingly casual and abrupt sentence caused the atmosphere between them to suddenly freeze.
"I tried desperately to catch up to that person, to replace his position in your heart..." *I only wanted you to look at me more.*
Pei Yunting could never forget the first time he entered that studio as a young child. The walls were covered with portraits of the same person. Everywhere he looked, it was Tianshu!
Just like his father's heart, there was only ever that one person...
Since he was a child who rarely even saw his father, he had sensed from then on that this was likely an extremely important person to him.
He wanted his father to notice him more, so he began to work hard to emulate Tianshu—learning his style of dress, his mannerisms, and his way of handling affairs. But as he understood more about that man’s deeds, he slowly realized that the man’s position in his father’s heart...
Was unreachable.
"My mother and I will never be as important to you as he is," he continued.
But why?
Since your heart and eyes were full of only that one person, why did you trouble his mother to wait for a man who didn't love her for a lifetime, dying in such unspeakable loneliness? And then there was himself...
He had spent so long laboriously chasing a shadow, only for it to be a futile effort in the end. All his hard work was like a joke. Why did he bother?
Pei Yunting smiled bitterly. The years of unceasing diligence, all the hardships and indignities, flashed before his eyes.
Enough...
"I was presumptuous tonight. Please forgive me, Father. I shall take my leave." Pei Yunting bowed. He did not wait for a reply, for none was needed.
His previous questioning was merely a belated venting for his younger self. Now, the grown Pei Yunting no longer needed the other’s answer and no longer hoped for his regard.
Once the obsession was let go, that which was once unattainable and cherished became insignificant.
"So, it was because of this?"
Pei Yunting’s departing steps faltered. He heard the man behind him let out a long, low sigh. "Is this why you have been imitating Tianshu all this time?"
Pei Yunting gritted his teeth. After a moment of humiliation passed, his expression returned to normal. He stood in place, not answering.
Gazing at that silhouette, it was as if Pei Shian was recognizing the changes in this child for the first time...
"It is my fault." Pei Shian walked slowly to the edge of the eaves. The bright moon in the sky looked exactly as it had for years; the past felt close at hand. "You are right, but my heart can no longer hold anyone else. As for your mother..."
He fell silent for a moment, then suddenly sighed. "...We were merely two pitiful people who happened to come together. She did not want to tell you, and I did not wish to speak of this secret."
"—Rather than 'Father,' perhaps you should call me 'Eldest Uncle.'"
The surroundings fell silent. Under the dim moonlight, Pei Yunting’s breath hitched, and he spun around abruptly.
His heart felt as though it had fallen from a great height, thumping rapidly. Pei Yunting’s lips trembled. "What... do you mean?"
Pei Shian sighed softly. His gaze swept over Pei Yunting’s uncontrollable shock before he calmly looked away.
"You should know that our family broke away from the Pei Clan long ago. It wasn't just because I was the son of a concubine and disagreed with the clan’s political views, refusing to be their puppet. It was also because of this other matter..."
"I had a younger half-brother; we were very close since childhood. Later, he was assassinated, leaving behind a wife who didn't yet know she was carrying you."
Time had flown by; so many years had passed. Mentioning this past again, Pei Shian felt a sense of dazed reflection. The young man stood frozen like a wooden statue, listening blankly to the rest of the story.
"Though I avenged him, I could do nothing more for him. I could only bring your mother here to care for her. Later, we discovered your existence."
Pei Shian paused, his tone somewhat helpless. "The court situation was tense at the time. I had no extra energy and no better way to resolve the matter. Fortunately, she didn't like going out, and very few people had seen her. I let her take the title of my wife and claimed you were my child so that the matter could proceed logically."
Otherwise, if a woman and child were suddenly revealed in his manor later, how would he explain it?
If it couldn't be explained clearly, it would become an excuse for others to attack him. To avoid trouble, that was the only choice at the time.
And...
Pei Shian looked at the pale Pei Yunting and said slowly, "Moreover... I needed an heir. Besides you, there would be no one else."
"In those years, though your mother and I had the title of husband and wife, we strictly observed etiquette and never crossed the line. You can rest assured on that point."
He was the ready-made, and also the best, choice...
Never in his wildest dreams did he expect the truth to be like this.
No matter how cold his father had been to him in the past, Pei Yunting had never doubted that he was his father’s biological son.
He could no longer hear whatever else the man said. His throat tightened, and Pei Yunting silently turned and walked away.
He didn't know how he made it back to his room; he only felt a profound emptiness in his mind.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 曦月郡主 | Princess Xiyue | A noble title (Junzhu), often translated as Princess or County Princess. |
| 天枢 | Tianshu | The legendary hero/identity of Ye Zhao. |
| 大伯父 | Eldest Uncle | Specifically "Dabofu," the eldest brother of one's father. |
| 庶子 | Son of a concubine | A son born to a secondary wife or concubine, often having lower status in a clan. |
| 七夕祭 | Qixi Festival | The Chinese Valentine's Day, associated with the legend of the Cowherd and Weaver Girl. |
| 合欢花 | Silk tree blossoms | Albizia julibrissin, often associated with collective happiness or couples. |
