Point to Point: The Fencer’s Heart | Chapter 30 | The Weight of a Starry Night | Novela.app

Chapter 29 - The Weight of a Starry Night Over the past two days, my internal state had become more convoluted than the Goldbach Conjecture. In the past, I would have risen at the crack of dawn, eager to match my stride with Ling Xiao’s during our morning runs, but now I didn't dare provoke his icy temperament. Without me trailing behind him like a persistent shadow, Ling Xiao had reverted to his natural state of solitude. From a distance, I watched him, standing tall and solitary like a white poplar in the middle of a vast, empty wilderness. Looking back at my former self—the one who had the sheer audacity to flirt with him and follow him around—I realized my skin must have been thicker than a fencing jacket and my courage far greater than my common sense. Meanwhile, another matter weighed on me: I had officially agreed to Old Hu’s request to take on the brand endorsement. Old Hu was, predictably, overjoyed. These days, when he wasn't putting us through grueling, day-and-night training sessions, he was busy playing the role of a PR specialist, hunting for sponsorships. It was a bizarre sight; a man as rugged and unrefined as Old Hu trying to transform into a polished public relations gentleman. Occasionally, as I passed his office, I would catch a glimpse of him through the cracked door, struggling with a necktie or smoothing down his hair with gel. It was a pitiable effort, truly. Whenever Old Hu had to head out for social engagements, he left the team under the captain’s supervision. This was where my personal torment began. My position in the formation was right in the middle, which meant that every time we lined up, Ling Xiao stood directly in front of me. If I didn't look at him, where was I supposed to look? I couldn't exactly spend the entire session staring off at a diagonal angle. Fortunately, Ling Xiao lacked Old Hu’s penchant for long-winded speeches. He would simply gather us, briefly outline the morning’s drills, and dismiss us. He never looked at me directly; his gaze was skillfully calibrated to orbit around me like a satellite, never quite making eye contact. It was a relief, yet it stung in a way I couldn't quite name. Two days blurred by, and finally, the grace of Saturday arrived. After dinner, Lao Qi approached me and Gao Dapang, asking if we wanted to sneak out. Theoretically, leaving the Zishan Base on a Saturday was forbidden, but since tomorrow was a day off and Old Hu was preoccupied with his PR duties, the authorities usually turned a blind eye as long as we didn't cause a scene. My mood had been suffocatingly stagnant, so I agreed to scale the walls with them to find some release. Lao Qi and Gao Dapang suggested hitting a bar for a few drinks. "We’re national athletes," I reminded them. "What are we doing drinking alcohol? Let’s just grab some Red Bull." Gao Dapang, ever the innocent soul, looked at Lao Qi. "Qi-ge, can we compromise? Let’s go to a bar and drink Red Bull." I never expected Lao Qi to lead us straight to the very bar where Ling Xiao worked. As we reached the entrance, panic surged through me. I hurriedly blocked their path. "Wait, wait! Lao Qi, have you been here before?" "No," he replied, "but an online friend of mine works here. I figured I’d come by and support his business." He made a move to enter, and I felt like an ant on a hot griddle. Ling Xiao had never told anyone about his part-time job; I had only discovered it by accident. Moreover, he often snuck out to work there, which was a blatant violation of team rules. He definitely wouldn't want his teammates finding out. Thinking fast, I blurted out, "This is a gay bar! Lao Qi, are you sure that 'friend' of yours isn't hitting on you?" Lao Qi froze, one foot already across the threshold. He pulled back as if he’d stepped on a coal. Gao Dapang gasped, "For real? I did hear there were quite a few gay bars in this district..." I had to stake my entire reputation as a "brother" on that lie to successfully usher them away. Before we left, I stole a glance through the bar’s window. Ling Xiao was there, dressed in his "ascetic" black-and-white uniform, pouring a drink for a beautiful woman. She was leaning in, tilting her head as she chatted him up. He kept his head down, meticulously organizing the glassware on the bar. He looked like he was listening, but I knew him well enough to know he wasn't hearing a word she said. We eventually settled into a different bar next door. While Lao Qi and Gao Dapang were busy trying to strike up conversations with girls, I told them I needed some fresh air. Lao Qi gave my shoulder a knowing pat. "Go on, man. Every orientation has the right to seek out a romantic encounter in the wild~" *What on earth is going through his head?* I stepped out of the bar and stood on the sidewalk, feeling aimless. Inside the buildings, people were lost in the revelry of the night, but the street was quiet and cool. The sky was clear tonight, the stars vivid and bright—a beautiful expanse of night that went largely unobserved. I tilted my head back, sinking into a sort of melancholy philosophical trance, when my phone suddenly buzzed. A high-pitched, melodic voice drifted through the speaker—unmistakably Yi Taitai. "Qiao Mai, what are you up to?" "Nothing much," I said. "Just looking at the stars." "Are the stars pretty?" I glanced back toward the window of the first bar. Whenever the crowd shifted, I could see Ling Xiao behind the counter. I shrugged. "They’re twinkling. They’re alright." Ling Xiao’s posture was unlike anyone else’s in that bar—upright, clean, and impossibly conspicuous. Yi Taitai let out a giggle. "Does your 'star' usually grow on the ground?" I realized something was off just as a hand slapped my back, nearly scaring the soul out of my body. "Holy crap! You scared me! What are you doing here?" "If you’re allowed to come out and look at stars, I’m allowed to come out for a drink, aren't I?" Yi Taitai peered toward the bar I had been watching. "Why aren't you going in? Let the starlight wash over you, warm you up, and nourish your soul!" He started dragging me toward the entrance, but I dug my heels in. "No, wait! Ling Xiao... he really might not want to see me right now." "What’s wrong? You’re usually so thick-skinned it’s legendary. Why the sudden cowardice?" I sighed. "Let’s find somewhere quiet. I’ll tell you everything." *** We relocated to a 24-hour coffee shop. Since Yi Taitai had brought it up, I decided to ask the question that had been gnawing at me. "Uh, can you tell me... back then... when you were being ostracized in high school, what did it actually feel like?" Yi Taitai blinked, caught off guard. "Why are you asking that?" I immediately felt a pang of regret. How could I bring up such a painful memory? "Never mind, forget I asked. This round is on me!" "Well, since you’re paying, I suppose I should give you your money’s worth." Yi Taitai rested his chin on his hand, gazing out the window. He thought for a moment. "It was... truly miserable. You know, in a collective environment, the thing you fear most isn't being yelled at—it’s being ignored. Or worse, being mocked behind your back. From morning until the end of evening self-study, you’re trapped in this bubble of isolation. No one will even walk on the same step as you in the stairwell. Everyone around you is talking, laughing, making plans for after school, and there you are, just desperately wishing the stairs would end so you could disappear. It’s a bitter taste. If you’re a top student, maybe it’s easier, but I wasn't..." "Does being a top student make it better?" "I’m just guessing. Probably. Why are you asking? Who’s the top student? It’s definitely not you..." Yi Taitai’s intuition, honed by years of navigating the world as a gay man, was razor-sharp. "Is it Ling Xiao?! Holy crap, is he actually gay?!" "He’s not!" I hissed, waving my hands for him to lower his voice. I couldn't let rumors about Ling Xiao’s private life spread. "He isn't. But he has a brother. I heard that because his brother came out, his father kicked him out of the house. Afterward, Ling Xiao faced discrimination and bullying at school. I only just found out." Yi Taitai nodded slowly. "Did Ling Xiao tell you?" "I wish he had," I said, stirring my coffee. The aroma alone felt bitter. "Someone leaked it online, claiming to be an old schoolmate. It seems legitimate. I just hope that because Ling Xiao was such a high achiever, he didn't feel as hopeless back then..." "Ling Xiao is definitely a top-tier guy, and he seems incredibly strong-willed. Maybe the hurdles that seem insurmountable to us mere mortals weren't quite as daunting to him." I knew Yi Taitai was trying to comfort me, but it wasn't very convincing. And that wasn't the only thing bothering me. "Do you think... since Ling Xiao’s brother is gay, is there a chance Ling Xiao might be... 'bent' too?" "...Do you want him to be?" The question cut straight to the bone. You’d need a heart of glass to see through me that clearly. I felt a wave of self-loathing. "Is it selfish of me to think that way?" "Who can truly claim to be selfless?" "I used to really hope he was. I would have been overjoyed. But now... if he really is, I don't know if I should be happy or heartbroken." Ling Xiao had been marginalized and isolated for years because of his brother’s sexuality. He must loathe the very concept of it by now. And here I was, hoping he’d discover he was one of them. Did I even have a shred of humanity left? "Heartbroken and sad are the same thing," Yi Taitai corrected gently. He seemed to understand my incoherent rambling perfectly, yet he didn't push further. Having a gay best friend really was a blessing sometimes. "I just hope he doesn't hate gay people," I muttered, though it sounded ridiculous even to me. "But is that even possible?" "Have you ever met his brother?" Yi Taitai asked suddenly. I shook my head. "I don't know anything about him." "Don't be so pessimistic. It might be a fact that he was ostracized, but that doesn't mean he blames his brother for it. Do you see what I mean? That’s how weak people think. Ling Xiao might not see it that way at all. Maybe he and his brother actually have a great relationship. If that’s the case, he wouldn't discriminate against gay people at all! Though, that still doesn't guarantee he’s one of us..." I considered his words. They made sense, but then another thought plunged me back into despair. "No... I’ve been around him for so long, and I’ve never seen him call home, let alone contact a brother." It didn't look like a healthy relationship at all. "Maybe the difference between the 'strong' and the 'weak' is just something we imagine. Maybe he’s just pretending to be strong, pretending not to care." The more time I spent with Ling Xiao, the more I felt this was the case. I could never quite grasp what he was thinking. Maybe I was just stupid, or maybe he just hid himself too deeply. The whole mess made me want to tear my hair out. "I was originally planning to go with him to see that underground match, but now everything’s a mess..." Yi Taitai arched an eyebrow over his coffee cup. "So, do you still want to go?" I did. Even if I was feeling cowardly lately, I was still worried about him. Seeing him in his element might make me feel better. I nodded. "I do." Then I slumped. "But it’s useless. Ling Xiao would never agree to let me go." "Who said anything about Ling Xiao? You should be looking at me." I looked up, startled. "You can take me? Wait, I thought those matches were for wealthy members only. You only got in because of your 'gay-bestie'..." "I can borrow a membership card from him. Those cards don't have photos on them. Besides, I’ve been there twice; they won't give me a hard time. I’m allowed to bring one 'family member' along~" I was so moved I grabbed Yi Taitai’s hand. "Yi Taitai, you are literally my savior!" Yi Taitai squinted at me and coldly withdrew his hand. "I almost forgot. Since when did you start calling me 'Yi Taitai' behind my back? Hmm?" | Chinese | English | Notes | |---|---|---| | 哥德巴赫猜想 | Goldbach Conjecture | Used metaphorically for something extremely complex. | | 禁欲 | Ascetic / Stoic | Often used to describe a "cold" or "pure" attractiveness. | | 24小时营业 | 24-hour | Referring to the coffee shop. | | 闺蜜 | Bestie / Close friend | Usually used for female friends, but here for a close male friend. |