Li Rui had never thought of explaining things to Ling Xiao, and I suspected he wouldn't even know how to begin.
"What’s the point of explaining when the person is already gone? But I don’t want the same thing to happen to Ling Xiao. He has no other friends, and I’m worried he’ll go down the wrong path by insisting on doing things his own way. If there’s anyone who can pull him back, I can only think of you."
Clinging to a sliver of hope, I went to the bar where Ling Xiao worked part-time. Logically, since Li Xin was already paying him such a high coaching fee, he had no reason to keep working there.
When I found him actually behind the bar, I felt a genuine surge of relief.
Ling Xiao looked up and saw me, but he clearly had no intention of acknowledging my presence. The bar stools were all taken, so I stood behind a middle-aged man who was drinking his sorrows away. The guy had clearly had a few too many, and I figured he’d be heading for the restroom soon. After I hovered there for a while, the man gave me an annoyed glare, picked up his glass, and stomped off.
I took his seat and said to Ling Xiao, "Can you talk to me for a bit? I’ll pay you. I won't make you work for free."
He didn't say a word. He simply set down his towel and made a move to leave the bar area. I grabbed his sleeve and slapped three hundred yuan onto the counter. "Is this enough?"
Ling Xiao pulled his arm away. "Take it back."
A waiter nearby leaned over. "I don't know if it's enough for Ling Xiao, but it's definitely enough for me! Boss, let me chat with you instead. We can talk about everything from classical poetry to the philosophy of life. I guarantee you'll be satisfied!"
"Thanks, but I’d rather keep the business in the family," I said, pulling the money back and adding several more bills until I’d put down my entire monthly allowance. "I only want him. Is this enough?"
"Oh, come on, Boss, don't be like that. People will think you're trying to buy a night with him."
"I can't afford that," I muttered. I could barely afford a conversation, let alone anything else. "How about this?" I took out a thick stack of pink bills I’d withdrawn from the ATM and slammed them onto the bar. "Either you talk to me, or I’m buying a round for the entire bar."
The patrons erupted into cheers and applause. It was a rare moment of extravagance for someone like me, and I felt a bit embarrassed. I waved my hands at the crowd, signaling that the deal wasn't done yet and they shouldn't get their hopes up too soon.
The waiter eyed my pile of cash. "Our drinks are overpriced. At a glance, I’d say this isn't quite enough."
"That’s fine. If it’s not enough, I’ll go back out and get more. There’s an ATM right outside. Very convenient."
I didn't want to be so underhanded, but without a bit of leverage, Ling Xiao wouldn't give me the time of day. I was banking on the fact that he couldn't bring himself to be truly heartless.
Ling Xiao handed the bottle he was holding to a colleague, wiped his hands, and checked his phone. "Five minutes."
A collective groan of disappointment echoed through the bar. *Sigh. I told you guys not to get excited too early.*
Knowing he wouldn't have the patience to listen to me ramble for long, I had prepared a draft in advance. I secretly pulled a slip of paper from my wallet, glanced at it, and said, "First of all, I know everything about you and Li Rui..."
"What’s written on that?" he interrupted.
I crumpled the paper in my palm. "Nothing..."
Ling Xiao held out his hand. *Damn, this guy is difficult!* Dejectedly, I handed over the note. He didn't even look at it; he just balled it up, tossed it aside, and leaned his hands on the bar, staring at me. "Just say it."
Without my notes and with time running out, I had to speak from the heart. "I know you’ll never forgive Li Rui, but at the very least, Li Xin is innocent. Ling Xiao, don't do something you'll regret later."
Ling Xiao was a man of his word. Even though I’d pushed his buttons, he endured it and didn't walk away.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I know that, given your character, this isn't what you truly want. Everyone hits a dead end sometimes..."
*You don't even know how clean and good of a person you are. You definitely don't know how much I treasure that about you.*
Ling Xiao looked at his phone again.
"Don't bother looking. You still have three minutes." I pressed my hand over his. "And about Li Rui—I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but there’s one thing you should know. Actually... he still loves He Ming, even now."
Ling Xiao’s hands on the bar tightened until his knuckles turned white. The fact that he didn't punch me right then and there really did prove he was "benevolent."
I continued, "The reason I think you should know is that you look down on the love they had. But I keep wondering—if your brother thought Li Rui had betrayed him, would he really have gone to America to find him? Even though... even though things went wrong between them, and they lost their money, their futures, their families, and eventually each other... the one thing they didn't lose was the very thing you despise." My nose began to sting. "They were never truly left with nothing. Whether you believe Li Rui or not, whether you want to listen to him or not, there are facts you can't deny. If he didn't love He Ming, he wouldn't still go to watch underground matches where He Ming used to compete. He wouldn't visit Grandma Zhao and the stray cats. He wouldn't care about you, or sponsor the national team, or remember to visit your brother’s grave on days that aren't even anniversaries or birthdays."
*Are you really unable to see it, or do you just not want to?*
Ling Xiao said indifferently, "Ten seconds left."
"One more thing," I said, looking him in the eye. "Don't look down on my love, either."
I let go of his hand. He put his phone away, swiftly stuffed the stack of cash back into my wallet, and slapped it down in front of me. "Don't treat money like it's nothing."
***
Ling Xiao disappeared somewhere after that. Without him there, the bar area quickly grew quiet. I didn't bother looking for him; I’d said what I needed to say. Now it was his turn to sit on the metaphorical toilet and contemplate life.
While waiting for him, I tried to order a bottle of wine to drink my fill, but the waiter told me that Ling Xiao had forbidden them from serving me alcohol. I asked, "Is he your boss? He says no and you just listen?" The guy replied, "He’s not my boss, but he said if you get drunk, whoever sold you the wine has to be the one to take you home. Boss, you have no idea—your behavior when you're drunk is terrible. No one can handle you except Ling Xiao! How about a glass of orange juice instead?"
*Could my drunken behavior really be that bad?* I asked him, "What’s he doing in the back? He’s not... crying, is he?"
"Him? Crying? Give me a break. Not with your poor oratory skills," the waiter scoffed. "He’s in the back taking inventory of the cellar."
A bar where I couldn't drink and couldn't watch Ling Xiao was no longer worth staying in. I left dejectedly. It was still early, and if this place wouldn't have me, somewhere else would. I headed to the gay bar next door to ask Calvin for a drink.
Calvin was a straightforward guy. He said that since we were about to start closed-door training, I should have one last good night and drink to my heart's content!
I was two glasses in and feeling great when Calvin suddenly rushed over and snatched my drink away. "Alright, that’s enough! No more drinking, or no one will be able to get you home!"
Why the sudden change of heart? "You... you have a split personality! Who was just telling me to drink as much as I wanted?"
"That was me," Calvin said earnestly. "Did you piss off Ling Xiao? I just called him, and he actually said he wouldn't come pick you up!"
*So, without Ling Xiao, I’ve even lost the basic human right to enjoy a little drink?!*
I was escorted out of the bar by Calvin. The moment I stepped outside and looked up, I suddenly saw a cluster of shooting stars streaking downward!
"Holy crap, shooting stars! Make a wish, make a wish!"
I closed my eyes, and Calvin patted my back. "Don't bother. It won't come true. Those are the kind of shooting stars only drunk people can see."
Calvin helped me to the curb. I told him to go back and that I’d wait for a cab myself. When I turned around, Calvin was already gone. These bartenders only care about tips! I huddled in the cold wind for a long time before I finally spotted a yellow taxi. I waved it down, and it pulled over. But before I could reach it, a group of young men appeared out of nowhere and yanked the door open.
*Have some decency, will you?* The alcohol had already made me irritable. I lunged forward and grabbed the door. "I hailed this cab. Please step aside."
The three of them started shouting curses at me. I didn't catch exactly what they said, but I wasn't about to let them take my taxi! I sat down right in the doorway. "Mine!"
The three of them looked ready to explode with rage, but then they suddenly stopped. One of them asked in a strange tone, "Hey, are you Qiao Mai?"
I squinted at them. I didn't recognize any of their ugly faces.
*A primary school classmate?* While I was wondering, the guy held up his phone and snapped several photos of me.
"It’s him. My girlfriend follows your Weibo!" The guy taking photos looked down at the screen, then glanced back at the bar I’d just exited. "Heh, no way. Are you gay? Does the national team really have queers in it?"
The words "national team" snapped me into instant sobriety. "Delete those photos."
The three of them seemed convinced that I was too drunk to be a threat and didn't even bother answering. They started to get into the car, but I ignored my headache and chased after them, slamming the door shut. I said to the driver, "Sir, I don't want the cab anymore. Please just drive away!"
The driver didn't want any trouble and sped off. The three men glared at me. "Fuck! You looking for trouble?"
*Damn it, you're the ones looking for trouble!* "Delete the photos!" I demanded.
the leader suddenly laughed. "You want it? Here, catch!"
He tossed something toward me. It landed behind me, and I scrambled to pick it up, only to find it wasn't a phone—it was just an empty beer can.
They laughed hysterically and turned to walk away, scrolling through their phones. Seething with rage, I rushed up and grabbed the shoulder of the guy who’d thrown the can. He spun around and shoved me hard, calling me a "disgusting faggot." My temper flared instantly!
I landed a punch on his face, but then someone else kicked me in the stomach. The force sent me staggering back several steps. Just as I was about to fall, someone caught me firmly from behind.
The person holding me was taller than me—taller than all of us. I was all too familiar with that exact three-centimeter difference.
Ling Xiao held me steady. The three men looked stunned to see him, but I soon lost sight of their expressions. I could only see Ling Xiao’s silhouette as he stepped in front of me. His voice had returned to that low, cold tone I’d heard when we first met:
"Give me the phone."
The guy who’d taken the photos suddenly clapped his hands. "I know you! You're that 'visual' who trended on Weibo for the men's fencing team, aren't you? Tsk tsk, you really do live up to the hype."
His two companions joined in. "Whoa, what’s the deal? Are you both gay?"
Ling Xiao ignored their taunts. "Give me the phone." His voice was even deeper this time.
One of the three said, "Forget it, just give it to him. Let's not cause a scene."
"And if I don't? If you're going to a gay bar, don't be afraid of people seeing you!" The photographer sneered. "And he fucking hit me. What kind of trash is the national team raising? I wasn't even necessarily going to upload it, but your teammate forced my hand."
"Your friend kicked him, too. We're even."
"My buddy kicked him. You let me come over and kick him once, then we'll be even!"
I was about to explode, but Ling Xiao held me back. He said to the man, "Kick me instead. Your friend kicked him, you kick me. That makes it even."
The man laughed, a crude, filthy sound. "Are you two really sleeping together?"
"If you're going to kick, do it. Stop talking," Ling Xiao said.
I was furious. I couldn't understand how Ling Xiao could be so patient. "You fucking touch him and see what happens! Have the balls to fight me one-on-one! If I flinch once, I’ll quit the national team right now!"
"Who wants to fight you? Just wait to be the top trending topic on Weibo tomorrow!"
Ling Xiao suddenly dropped his backpack on the ground.
The unexpected thud startled both the three men and me.
"What are you trying to do? Play tough?!" the guy shouted excitedly. "Fuck your ancestors! So what if you're on the national team? You think being an athlete makes you special? I'm not giving it to you whether you kick me or not!"
"Then I’ll take it myself."
As Ling Xiao took that step forward, my heart skipped a beat. I knew exactly how unyielding he could be.
"Forget it, I don't want it anymore!" I grabbed him in a hug. "Let them post it!"
He struggled. "Let go!"
Seeing their chance, the three men immediately bolted.
Ling Xiao pried my hands off him and turned around. "Qiao Mai, do you have any idea what you're doing?!"
"I'm sorry! I caused trouble! But you can't solve it like this! I don't want you to get in trouble too!"
Drunk people generally can't control their volume. My own voice was deafening, and I was sure every sound-activated streetlamp on the block had turned on.
We stood there in the middle of the road as the echoes of my shouting faded. Ling Xiao asked, "...Then have you thought about how you'll face tomorrow?"
"I have." I felt his chest stop heaving so violently. "If it gets posted, I’ll own it. If I'm gay, I'm gay. This day was coming sooner or later anyway. It’s no big deal."
If I’d known it would come to this, I wouldn't have fought them over a taxi. If Ling Xiao hadn't shown up, I probably would have actually brawled with them. I’ve always been hot-headed, especially after a few drinks. I was glad he’d stopped me. As a captain, his way of handling me was more effective than my father’s fists or a wooden paddle.
"I understand," Ling Xiao said, finally calming down. He placed his hands over the back of mine and said softly, "You can let go now."
The weight on my heart lifted. I let go of him, though honestly, after holding him for so long, I was a bit reluctant to part. *Sigh, the fact that I can still feel giddy at a time like this means I’m really drunk...*
To my surprise, the moment I let go, Ling Xiao took off after them!
His reaction time was so fast my brain couldn't keep up. He was already far away by the time I managed a "Holy crap!" and started chasing after him.
A drunk person shouldn't try to run; I was stumbling all over the place. I managed to keep up for a few blocks before I lost him. I ended up in a strange alley, leaning against a wall and throwing up everything in my stomach.
My eyes couldn't even focus. I fumbled for my phone to call Ling Xiao, only to remember his backpack—and likely his phone—was still back on the street outside the bar.
What now?
The thought of him fighting three guys alone made my blood run cold. This wasn't a fencing strip; he didn't have any advantage! He usually seemed so reliable—how could he be so reckless when it mattered most?
I wiped my mouth and stood up with the help of the wall. Just then, a tall shadow fell across the entrance of the alley.
Everything was swaying in my vision, and it felt like a scene from a horror movie, but the feeling of being watched was familiar. I knew it couldn't be anyone else.
Seeing Ling Xiao return safely, my stomach, which had been under high pressure, finally revolted. The pain made me slide down to the ground.
He walked over, knelt down, and supported my shoulders. "It’s okay. I deleted the photos."
He sounded like an older brother comforting a younger one who’d gotten into trouble. I finally understood where that occasional tenderness in his icy voice came from.
The alley was too dark for me to see his face clearly, so I didn't know if he was bruised. "I told you to let them post it! Old Hu wouldn't have kicked me out!"
"It still wouldn't have been good for you."
Ling Xiao’s voice was as calm as water, but tears began to well up in my eyes. I was so useless. I buried my head in my hands, clutching my stomach.
It was my reckless impulsiveness that had inadvertently struck his soft spot.
***
That night, we were the "glorious wounded" and had to climb over the wall to get back into the training base. Usually, that wall was a piece of cake, but tonight it seemed impossibly high.
"Are you badly hurt?" I asked Ling Xiao.
He said it was just some scratches and that a police car had happened to pass by, so nothing major happened.
I didn't believe him for a second. His credit score with me was currently in the negatives. I said, "Fine. You go first. Once you're up, pull me up. My stomach hurts."
Ling Xiao looked back at me. "Didn't you take medicine? Why does it still hurt?"
"Medicine doesn't work that fast." I eyed him suspiciously. "Can you do it? Don't force it if you can't."
Without a word, Ling Xiao walked to the wall. I worried he was going to push himself out of spite, but before I could call out, he scaled it with surprising ease and agility. I felt relieved; he probably wasn't seriously injured after all.
But the moment I looked away, the person on the wall vanished!
A loud *thump* came from the other side. My heart sank. "Ling Xiao? Ling Xiao?!" Ignoring my stomach pain, I backed up a few steps to jump. "Hang in there, I’m coming!"
By now, I was someone who could scale a wall in a few moves. I perched on top and looked down. Having just come from the streetlights, my eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark. I could only see a black void; there was no sign of him.
*Is he messing with me?!*
"Ling Xiao? ...Captain? ...Team Visual? ...Ling Xiao-er?"
*Click.*
A flashlight beam suddenly shot upward, hitting me square in the face.
"I thought your stomach hurt?" Ling Xiao’s voice came from below, his cool tone carrying a hint of playfulness.
I shielded my eyes from the light, catching only a glimpse of a tall figure behind the glare. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "That’s enough! If you don't move that light, I’m going to get angry!"
Ling Xiao shook his head and moved the light, the pale blue beam illuminating the ground below the wall. "Come down."
Navigating the dark stairs with Ling Xiao had become a routine.
"Captain," I said, "thanks for helping me delete those photos today. I’m never drinking again. Only orange juice from now on."
Ling Xiao walked ahead of me and gave a quiet "Mm."
I watched him reach his door. He gave me a casual "Goodnight," but I couldn't help calling out to him. "Ling Xiao! ...I know you have other concerns. I just wanted to tell you that I’m prepared. I’m really not afraid."
He was silent for a long time. "Qiao Mai, do you love fencing?"
I couldn't see his expression, but I knew he was watching me in the darkness with those bright, enigmatic eyes.
"I love it," I said, shrugging. "There’s no helping it. There are indeed people in this world with power and influence who can stop me from reaching the highest arena, but they can't suppress my love for it. I love fencing the way Forrest Gump loved running. All I have to do is pick up the sword. Besides," I imagined the way he was looking at me and smiled, "as long as you're there, anywhere is the highest arena."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
肥水不流外人田 | Keep the business in the family | Lit: "Fertile water shouldn't flow into others' fields." Meaning to keep benefits/profits within a close circle.
颜值担当 | Visual / Visual representative | Slang for the most attractive member of a group.
热搜 | Hot search / Trending | Refers to the trending topics list on social media (like Weibo).
老胡 | Old Hu | Likely referring to the coach (Hu).
封训 | Closed-door training | Intensive, isolated training camp common for national athletes.
基 / 基佬 | Gay / Queer / Faggot | Slang derived from "gay." Can be neutral or used as a slur depending on context.
凌霄儿 | Ling Xiao-er | An affectionate diminutive of Ling Xiao's name. Qiao Mai uses it to tease him.
击剑队 | Fencing team | The national sports team the characters belong to.
