I went back to the woods. I hadn't expected much, but to my surprise, Li Rui was still there. He was sitting on a bench, head tilted back and eyes closed, letting the sunlight wash over his forehead.
"Are you thinking about He Ming?"
The sudden mention of that name seemed to startle him. He sat up abruptly and looked at me, eventually letting out a bitter laugh. "...So, Ling Xiao told you everything after all."
"He didn't tell me you were the one who abandoned He Ming. You probably don't know his brother at all," I countered. Then, I asked, "Was it really you who caused He Ming's death?"
To my surprise, Li Rui admitted it quite readily. "Yes."
"Why?" I couldn't hold back. "Why did you leave him at a time like that?! If you felt you’d loved the wrong person, if you regretted it and wanted out, couldn't you have let him go sooner? Why did you wait until he had nothing left before you walked away?!"
"You're right. He had nothing..." Li Rui hunched his shoulders, staring at the empty space on the bench beside him. "If it were you, what would you have done?"
"Bullshit, I would never have left him!" Though I used a vague pronoun, I was thinking of Ling Xiao. If he lost everything because of me, I would be consumed by guilt and hatred for myself; how could I possibly just walk away? "He had nothing left but you..."
Li Rui took a deep breath. "Do you want to hear it? It’s a long story. I haven't spoken to anyone about what happened between us in a very long time. I think maybe I should tell you... for your sake. For both of yours."
He started from the beginning. Li Rui had met He Ming at a fencing club when they were both nineteen. For Li Rui, fencing was just a hobby, a game. But when He Ming picked up a blade, it was a weapon used to conquer dreams.
"He was different from me in every way," Li Rui said. "When he held a sword and stood across from me, I would completely forget my footwork and my forms. I could only rely on a stubborn, brute force to try and defeat him, but I never succeeded once. Outside the club, I was a 'winner' among my peers. My family was so rich we had nothing but money, I wasn't bad-looking, and I was decent at pool, tennis, and all sorts of things. I had my license, drove a sports car, and had seen the whole world. But the moment I stepped into that club, I was nothing more than a target for him to strike down, over and over again. At first, I was indignant. But then I realized that even though he was so strong, his life was incredibly monotonous and dull. Every day was school, practice, looking after his brother’s schooling, and teaching his brother to fence. The glittering world I saw was, in his eyes, just a long road leading to the summit. I’ve met many brilliant people and many 'clean' people, but I’ve never met anyone who was both as clean and as brilliant as he was."
It sounded like a cliché story of a playboy finding true love, but because the protagonist was He Ming and I already knew the ending, it was painful to hear. What hurt even more was learning that He Ming hadn't responded to Li Rui at first. He knew his family's situation and likely felt they belonged to two different worlds. But, in Li Rui's own words, he had been as persistent as a piece of gum stuck to a shoe; he knew he would eventually move He Ming.
He hadn't miscalculated. In He Ming’s dull, repetitive life, Li Rui—passionate, persistent, and always finding ways to create surprises—was like tropical rain.
"People are crazy when they're in love," Li Rui said. In those days, he forgot he was an only son, that his marriage had long been a piece in a political game. Even when he remembered, it didn't seem to matter. He was young and rebellious then, believing, like all young rebels, that if you had love, everything else could be figured out. He had decided his future was with that man; it had to be him. To reject the political alliance, he recklessly came out to his family. This declaration of war shocked his entire clan.
"I made the unilateral decision to take He Ming and come out to my father. I never once asked for He Ming's opinion. He didn't even know that when I excitedly picked him up that day, I was actually taking him to see my father. I was too young, blinded by love. I grew up with everything handed to me and had never faced a real setback. I thought nothing in the world could stop me. Coming out was my way of showing my resolve, a way to 'surprise' him."
I never would have imagined that Li Rui, who seemed like the definition of "mature" to me, was once the "persistent gum" I usually used to describe myself.
"My father was livid. I knew he would be. I didn't care if he told me to get out; I just wouldn't allow my marriage to be used as a tool for the family," Li Rui said. "But I didn't expect him to join forces with the Ling family. It would have been one thing if they only pressured me, but they went after He Ming too. I regretted my recklessness. I went with He Ming to see Ling Xiao’s father and told his parents that He Ming was just acting, that he was only helping me escape the marriage. But He Ming denied my words to their faces. I remember asking him afterward why he did it. He said... he had no other way to repay me."
Those words—"no other way to repay me"—carried a crushing weight coming from Li Rui’s mouth. He must have remembered that sentence in countless midnight dreams, a phrase filled with steadfast love and boundless tolerance. Ling Xiao’s brother, whom I had only seen in videos and who seemed so gentle, had once been so fierce and resolute.
Li Rui let out a long breath. "Just like you said, after that, we had nothing. No financial support from home, driven into a corner by our families. We had nothing but each other. In a situation like that, you can't help but ask yourself: is this really worth it? He Ming was different from me. He had been a star student since he was a child. He was at the peak of his athletic career, with a chance to stand on the Olympic stage he dreamed of. If he hadn't met me, his life would have been full of limitless potential..."
There was a rustle in the grass as "Little Ling Xiao" crawled out of the cat house and circled affectionately around Li Rui’s feet. He looked down at the black cat with its white paws—a "cloud covering snow"—but he didn't reach out to pet it, even though they clearly knew each other from long ago.
"If only I hadn't made an excuse about forgetting my umbrella that day at the club... if I hadn't spoken to him and had just watched him from afar, just watched and never said a word... how much better would that have been?"
If it were me, I would have thought the same. I would have wanted to give him back everything that should have been his.
If he hadn't met Li Rui, what would He Ming’s life have been like? I would have seen him at the Olympics, at the World Championships, watching the national flag rise above his head. He would have climbed that mountain and seen scenery far more beautiful than anything he found with Li Rui. And not just He Ming—Ling Xiao’s life would have been rewritten too. Maybe he wouldn't be so cold and isolated. Maybe he would have had the chance to take me to meet a living He Ming, and we would have sat together, talking about fencing, about him, about me, about the future...
"The urge to break up with him grew stronger every day. If we split, he would only lose me, but he would regain everything else," Li Rui said. "I couldn't resist that thought. I could no longer give him complete happiness; I could only try to give him a better life than the one he had... But I knew He Ming would never agree to a breakup. I couldn't even bring myself to say the words in front of him. Every time I saw him—coming back from an underground match covered in bruises, or returning exhausted from a part-time job at a bar, only to have to make it to team practice on time... he was so tired he could fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. But no matter how tired he was, he would always stay up to talk to me for a while... I knew he was afraid I would lose hope."
I heard a slight sob in his voice. I couldn't bear to look, so I lowered my head. Something dripped onto the ground, blooming into a blurred mark like a raindrop.
Because of his family, Li Rui had faced constant obstacles in finding work. Sometimes he would be doing well, only to be fired within a week for no reason. One day, after being suddenly let go, he secretly followed He Ming. He watched him train, work shifts at three different bars, fight in underground matches, and study for exams on buses and subways to secure a full scholarship—all to use the money from the fights and jobs to pay for his own training and Li Rui’s university tuition. Seeing He Ming live so earnestly, shining so brightly for a love that wasn't worth it... I could understand why Li Rui ultimately couldn't say a word.
I never imagined Li Rui had such a past. It sounded tragic and foolish in equal measure. I had once admired his maturity and strength, but that was only because he had met a man like He Ming. Since then, he would never shed tears easily again; he could face anything with a calm, detached air.
"So you just left without a single word?"
"In a situation like that, if I’d said something, would I have been able to leave?" Li Rui laughed bitterly. "He Ming wasn't the type to cling. I figured if I followed my family's arrangement and got married, he would give up. Whether he thought I was heartless or a liar, as long as he gave up on me, it would be fine. It might take some time, but he was a truly strong person; he wouldn't fall apart just because I left."
Li Rui bore an inescapable responsibility for He Ming’s death, but it truly had been an accident. He had loved him.
"Did you ever think he would come looking for you?" I asked.
"If I had, maybe there wouldn't have been so many 'afterwards'..."
"I heard he died in a car accident in the middle of the night. Was it really just an accident?" Although it was inhumane to rub salt in his wounds now, if I wanted to get to the truth, I couldn't afford any ambiguity.
"I had no idea he had come to America. I didn't know until his body was about to be sent back to China. By then, He Ming had been in New York for half a month, but he never saw me. He only saw my wife." Li Rui’s tone turned much colder. "Last year, she told me the reason He Ming went out so late that night was because she had asked to meet him. However, she never had any intention of showing up. She kept that secret for many years until she couldn't stand the guilt anymore. she told me through tears, begging for my forgiveness. What could I say? She didn't mean any real harm. It was a night of heavy rain and strong winds; she was just acting out of a young girl’s sense of petty revenge, wanting to make things difficult for him."
How could she?! "But for He Ming, that might have been his only chance to see you!" That was why he went, despite the hour, despite the risk of being played!
"If He Ming were still alive, a man as gentle as him certainly wouldn't have the heart to blame a girl. But the more I think of his gentleness, the more I hate her for what she did! Later, we had a mutual divorce. She didn't say a word, and she must have cleared it with her family. This time, the divorce went exceptionally smoothly." Li Rui curled his lip in a mocking smile.
"Does Li Xin know about He Ming?"
Li Rui shook his head. "She doesn't. Even if she does, she probably only heard my wife mention such a person. She grew up in the States and was as close as sisters with my wife. I never mentioned He Ming to her. I didn't want him to be looked at with strange eyes even after death, not even by my sister. I prefer him to be a secret that belongs only to me."
Li Xin really was innocent. My mind was a mess of a thousand thoughts, and I didn't know where to start. "Have you told Ling Xiao any of this? He probably blames you for his brother's death."
"Shouldn't he blame me? I have nothing to say to Ling Xiao. The fact that he only dislikes me is already a testament to his kindness; he should hate me." His voice turned lonely. "I really didn't expect him to be doing underground matches. He Ming adored his brother. He was the one who taught Ling Xiao to fence. They could have been the most enviable pair of brothers in the world..."
*Li Rui, you've got it all wrong.* Ling Xiao doesn't just "dislike" you; he truly hates you! From the moment you took He Ming away from him, he never liked you. But for his brother's happiness, he endured it, learned to accept it, all so He Ming could have that precious love and a partner who would protect him for life. But then He Ming died. He got nothing. No one protected him. He couldn't even keep anything—not love, not his partner, not his dreams, not his family... Of course Ling Xiao hates Li Rui.
But no matter what, that hatred shouldn't spill over onto an innocent person.
***
Enjoying the story? Rate this novel:
Point to Point: The Fencer’s Heart | Chapter 50 | The Weight of Truth | Novela.app | Novela.app
