When Qin Jiuye returned to Dingweng Village, the mountain scenery after the rain was at its peak.
Before her lay Mount Xizhu, shrouded in mist and clouds; behind her, not far off, was Jiugao City, washed by the rain into a deep shade of charcoal gray.
In the past, whenever she returned to the village, she was always in a hurry. She had never thought to stand at the village entrance and look back at the view behind her. Consequently, she had never gazed upon the city from this angle, unaware that it was so towering and majestic.
It was said that Jiugao was the most formidable fortress in all of Longshu, and seeing it now, that certainly seemed true.
Qin Jiuye stood there for a moment, her gaze involuntarily falling upon the small path she had just traversed. The winding trail emerged from a patch of dense, overgrown grass. Aside from the swath of wild weeds she had flattened, there were no other signs of passage.
Only then did she realize that this was not her usual route back to the village.
She had taken a path she never would have chosen before. Before she set out, nearly everyone had warned her not to persist in her willful ways, telling her the road was impassable. But the road was beneath her feet, and it was only upon reaching her destination that she realized she had already walked it and arrived safely.
Her shoes, flecked with grass, stepped onto the muddy village path. Qin Jiuye did something unprecedented: she stood outside the brushwood gate of Guoran-ju and admired the mountain scenery for a long while. It wasn't until a passing flock of sheep splashed muddy water onto her that she shook out her trouser legs and stepped into the courtyard.
Two broken baskets sat in the corner. They were the herb baskets she used when heading into the mountains. For some reason, Old Qin had brought them out; they were covered in mud and looked quite pitiful.
Without a word, Qin Jiuye stepped forward to clean the mud-stained baskets. Just as she finished, she heard footsteps outside the gate. It was Qin Sanyou returning.
Qin Sanyou wore the sweatband he used when working the boats. Upon seeing Qin Jiuye and the two broken baskets at her feet, he looked inexplicably guilty. He lowered his head and walked to the water vat to ladle some water, speaking first to seize the initiative.
"Your mind hasn't been here these past few days. I don't know what you've been busy with behind our backs."
Having lived together for so many years, Qin Jiuye could easily see through Old Qin’s evasive thoughts. But she was in a good mood today and didn't want to start with a confrontation. Instead, she softened her tone.
"Are you wearing the leg wraps I prepared for you? Where is Jinbao? You can leave the pharmacy work to him. Don't find it troublesome; you're always running yourself ragged."
Qin Sanyou took off his sweatband and wiped the perspiration from his face. "The weather is too hot. As soon as the sun comes out, that patch of land you planted dries right up. The water was used up in an instant, so I sent him to haul more."
Qin Jiuye’s vegetable gardening had always been left to fate, save for the herb garden which she tended with meticulous care. With Old Qin, it was the opposite. He talked a good game, but in his heart, he didn't care about Guoran-ju at all. He only cared about whether she had enough to eat.
Thinking of this, Qin Jiuye turned to the medicine stove to take stock of the herbs dispensed over the last few days. Calculating the business she had missed, she made a decision.
"Not just hauling water. You should also supervise him in consultations and dispensing medicine."
Qin Sanyou froze, finally sensing that something was wrong. "Since when have you been so casual about your work? That boy Jinbao has never been the sharpest. Aren't you afraid he'll make a mistake and ruin Guoran-ju’s reputation?"
"What reputation does Guoran-ju have besides that broken wooden plank by the door? Besides, this is how everyone learns an apprenticeship. If he heals well, it means he hasn't eaten my steamed buns for nothing all these years. If he heals poorly, he'll get a scolding or a beating, and he'll remember better next time. Most of the villagers who come for consultations are familiar faces. He’s followed me for so many years; if he can't even handle a minor headache or a fever, what future could he possibly have?"
After finishing this long explanation, Qin Jiuye took out the white consultation cloth she had prepared and signaled for Old Qin to give it to Jinbao. Just as she was about to turn and leave, Qin Sanyou suddenly called out to her.
"Wait a moment."
Perhaps Qin Jiuye’s words had caught his attention, or perhaps his aging, dimming eyes had suddenly sharpened. With just a hurried glance, he saw the object hanging from her waist.
"What is that on your waist?"
Qin Jiuye paused, then stated truthfully, "A jade pendant."
Qin Sanyou’s entire body trembled. "Whose is it?"
"The Protector's."
Qin Sanyou trembled again. His expression shifted through a complex range of emotions before finally turning a flushed red. He asked in a tense voice, "Have... have the two of you made a secret vow of marriage? Is that why you're settling your affairs here, because you've already decided to climb to higher places?"
Qin Jiuye felt a throbbing pain in her temples. After a long silence, she turned around and tried to explain with her meager vocabulary. "This matter is absolutely not what you think."
Qin Sanyou’s eyebrows shot up. He clearly felt her words were a brush-off and had no intention of letting her slide. "Why would a man give away a personal jade pendant so casually? If it’s not a secret vow, then is he asking you to risk your life for him?"
Qin Jiuye fell silent instantly.
Sensing this unusual silence, Qin Sanyou’s next words were laced with shock and a slight stutter. "Isn't the Su family case already settled? Why... why must you still..."
Was there anything more soul-crushing than a confrontation with Qin Sanyou? The answer was no.
If she could, Qin Jiuye would rather run the Qingping Path a few more times, enter the Baoshen Pavilion again, or even touch He Yuanzhou’s hand a few more times than face this situation. But she knew she couldn't keep her actions from Qin Sanyou forever. With Jinbao and Li Qiao away, it was a good time for a confession. She pulled over a stool and sat down, deciding to have a heart-to-heart.
"This matter is related to the case. Even if I explain it to you, I’d have to omit certain details. You only need to know that the person behind this case holds a secret formula. It seems some have already tasted the sweetness of it, while many others have stumbled because of it. I only want to know if this so-called 'Immortal Elixir' that can cure all illnesses and neutralize all poisons is more than just a rumor. It’s what has caused all this turmoil inside and outside the city..."
Qin Jiuye’s tone was sincere, but the more she tried to maintain a "let's talk" attitude, the more anxious Qin Sanyou became.
He stood up almost immediately, pacing the courtyard with his hands behind his back, muttering a string of complaints. "Immortal Elixir? Where would an Immortal Elixir come from! Look at the way you're talking now—how is it any different from those foul, smoky Taoist priests? I didn't send you to study medicine just to hear you spout nonsense. If I’d known, I wouldn't have wasted that basket of eggs!"
Qin Sanyou had always been poor. When he sent her to apprentice in medicine, he couldn't afford silver, so he saved up a basket of eggs as a gift. Anyone else would have seen it as an insult, but her master had been a pauper too, so he grudgingly took her on as labor and taught her some skills.
This wasn't something worth bringing up, yet after all these years, Qin Sanyou had even dug up the old debt of a basket of eggs. Qin Jiuye felt a fire rising in her throat.
"How am I spouting nonsense? I am talking about serious business! Of course I don't believe there is an Immortal Elixir in this world, but that is exactly why I must find out the truth. Often, just because you or I haven't seen something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Just because it doesn't exist now doesn't mean it won't exist in the future. How many miraculous formulas in this world originated from the unknown? If one doesn't even dare to think or try, then there truly will be no result!"
"And even if it exists, so what?!" Qin Sanyou sighed deeply, his voice heavy with unconcealed mockery. "Precious things aren't for us poor folk to enjoy. They only add a spark of hope before bringing even more disappointment. Besides, for people like us, what use is being ageless and immortal? Suffering for one lifetime is enough; why suffer for another? I’d rather die sooner and find a better rebirth."
If poverty was the epitaph Qin Sanyou had carved for himself long ago, then suffering was the monument he carried on his back for life. He no longer questioned why he suffered; he had written suffering into his book of fate. His entire perception of the world was built upon it.
Whenever Qin Jiuye tried to change something, she felt as powerless as if she were trying to rewrite a stone monument with a feather pen.
She forced her voice down and spoke earnestly again. "Grandfather, why not think of it this way? If such a thing truly exists, even if we don't become rich and powerful, Guoran-ju will surely become famous. Making a modest fortune would be a certainty. Then, not only would you not have to suffer, you could go to the city and enjoy some comfort..."
The furrows in Qin Sanyou’s brow remained deep, but his voice softened. He spread his hands, and when he spoke again, he was nearly choking up. "Grandfather doesn't need you to earn that money. After all is said and done, you're still thinking about getting rich. Can't we... can't the few of us just live our lives well together..."
But the more he used that pleading tone, the less Qin Jiuye could accept it. She felt her head spinning with anger, and the old words buried deep in her heart came pouring out all at once.
"What's wrong with getting rich? Is it a crime to want wealth?! Only with money can one live well; only with money can one live long! Back when Aunt Yang was gravely ill, if I could have left behind more silver, she might not have died! I lost Aunt Yang because of that, and I don't want to go through it a second time. Do you understand? Do you understand!"
Qin Jiuye’s questioning voice echoed among the roof tiles like the final cry of a dying person.
For as many years as she had not mentioned Aunt Yang, she had spent just as many years silently enduring this torment.
After a long while, Qin Sanyou’s voice finally dropped completely. It became very, very soft, like the tone he used to tell her stories when she was a child and couldn't sleep from illness.
"Birth, aging, illness, and death... these are things even the Heavens are powerless against. How old were you then? It wasn't your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me. I was useless; I couldn't protect anything."
However, the more he forgave and comforted her, the more she could not escape the obsession in her heart.
"I couldn't do it then, but I can now. Grandfather, I’ve grown up. I’m no longer that little child who can only cry! Since we are the only ones who can protect ourselves, what is wrong with me gathering some strength for our future? What is wrong with earning more money?"
Qin Sanyou looked at that young face, which was as stubborn as his own, and after a long while, his beard trembled as he spoke. "This isn't a matter of money! That murder case is so dangerous that even the Protector is at his wits' end. You follow along in fear every day; something is bound to happen sooner or later. There are so many famous doctors in Jiugao, thousands of capable people in the city. It’s not our place to show off. Before you take on a task, you must first weigh your own worth..."
Though she knew he meant well, Qin Jiuye couldn't control her tongue, throwing his own previous lessons back at the stubborn old man. "Didn't you teach me to be a kind and upright person? To practice medicine without seeking reward, as long as I can face my own conscience? Why have you changed your tune now?"
"You... you... you!" Qin Sanyou was so angry he stammered, only finding his voice after a long pause. "I taught you to be kind and upright, I didn't teach you to throw away your life. Before you do anything, you must protect yourself first!"
"When did I ever say I was throwing away my life?" Qin Jiuye didn't understand why they couldn't see eye to eye. The words she had suppressed for years came tumbling out. "What right do you have to lecture me? Why have you never mentioned your youth all these years, and why do you take such care of Situ Jinbao? Aunt Yang didn't say it, but did you think I knew nothing?"
Qin Sanyou’s face changed, turning ashen in an instant, and from that grayness, a sense of humiliated rage emerged. "What do you know? What do you know?!"
Qin Jiuye fell silent.
She looked at Qin Sanyou’s wrinkled face, no longer spirited as it once was. The words that had just burst out turned into regret, burrowing back into her heart and weighing her down until she could hardly breathe.
Since childhood, she had often argued and sulked with Qin Sanyou. They were two diametrically opposed personalities; bickering was inevitable. There were many people who didn't understand her or looked down on her; she could pretend not to see them, turning away and putting them out of her mind, telling herself not to lower herself to their level. But even if she could cut ties with everyone else in the world, she could never sever the bond and affection she shared with Qin Sanyou. She couldn't bear to see him upset, couldn't truly turn her back on him, and certainly couldn't truly resent him or cut him out of her life.
This was the enduring strength of family, and also its eternal pain.
The setting sun fell from the eaves, bathing the room in a dim, yellow light.
A warmth welled up in her eyes. Qin Jiuye covered her eyes, lowered her head, and finally spoke in a low voice.
"If Grandfather doesn't want to say, I won't ask. But I know there is one thing you have always regretted. I don't want to be like you, Grandfather, spending the rest of my life in regret."
"You don't understand, you just don't understand..." Qin Sanyou seemed to sigh, or perhaps he was just whispering to himself. "In this life, if one could always distinguish what would lead to regret and what wouldn't, how could there be so much remorse and helplessness? Sometimes when you step onto a path, you don't know what lies at the end; you can only focus on what's in front of you. By the time you realize you've taken the wrong road or made the wrong choice, it's already too-late. Even if you can keep going on that path, you'll carry that invisible, intangible heartache for a lifetime, never able to return to the life you had before."
"I truly don't understand what you're saying, Grandfather. I only want to ask one thing..." Qin Jiuye slowly lowered her hand from her face. After a long moment, she looked at him with reddened eyes. "Have you ever regretted giving me that half-piece of sugar cake and taking me in?"
Qin Sanyou looked at the woman’s bright, dark eyes. After a long pause, he shook his head.
"Never."
"Then that's it." Qin Jiuye stood up slowly and walked toward the door. "Just consider that I have made the same decision. I will never regret it."
***
