Pei Cangyu sat and listened for a while. Volunteers wearing red and white badges were distributing water to the crowd, and he took a cup for himself. The quality of the music on stage was genuinely impressive; people kept going up to perform, and no one seemed to want to leave. Later, a tall man with a lip piercing, dressed entirely in black, stepped up. He picked up a guitar and stood next to Bai Shi, discussing their next song.
Pei Cangyu needed to use the restroom, so he stood up. Bai Shi, who had been talking to the other man, immediately turned his head toward him. Pei Cangyu pointed to his water cup and then gestured behind him, indicating he was going to find a toilet.
Bai Shi moved to set down his guitar and follow, but Pei Cangyu waved him off; he could go by himself.
He had a general idea of where to go; the spot where the old man had been earlier clearly overlooked the restrooms, as drainage pipes were visible on the exterior wall. He headed in that direction.
Unlike the warm sun, gentle breeze, and grassy music field of the new district, the old district behind it felt desolate and cold. From a distance, the lake didn't look round at all; it was shaped more like a burst balloon, with a stream of water leaking from the rupture.
Pei Cangyu stepped into the shadows and entered the building.
He found the men's restroom at the end of the first-floor corridor. He expected it to be empty, but while he was washing his hands, he suddenly heard a loud *thud* as a stall door was flung open. Someone tumbled out.
Startled, Pei Cangyu turned to see the person roll twice on the floor before nimbly springing to their feet and casting a fleeting glance at him.
From that single look, Pei Cangyu could tell the man’s mental state wasn't quite right—he seemed a bit manic.
He swallowed hard and hesitantly reached out a hand, thinking the man might have trouble walking and wanting to help.
But the man stared at him, his brow furrowing deeper and deeper, making Pei Cangyu feel as though he had done something wrong.
Then, the man paused, deliberately rolled across the floor again, stopped to adjust his direction, and continued rolling away while clutching his head.
Pei Cangyu watched in a daze. It wasn't until the man had rolled out of sight that he snapped out of it and followed. Looking down the long corridor, he saw the fellow persistently rolling forward like a tumbling duck egg. Pei Cangyu clicked his tongue in admiration; truly, a free soul.
He had rushed out without even drying his hands. Not planning to go back in, he walked along while patting his pockets. He couldn't find any tissues, but his fingers brushed against a glasses case.
Surprised, he pulled it out. He didn't recognize the case, but when he opened it, he found a pair of silver-rimmed glasses. Pei Cangyu thought back; he seemed to recall seeing them on Bai Shi’s father earlier.
How did this glasses case end up on him?
Perhaps he had picked it up by mistake during the meal. Pei Cangyu didn't overthink it and decided to return them to the old man. Since he had seen him on the fourth floor just moments ago, he headed straight upstairs.
He took the fire escape stairs. When he emerged, he wasn't in the main hall but at the far end of a corridor. He began walking past the doors one by one, thinking that if he didn't see a familiar name by the time he reached the end, he would ask at the front desk.
Walking through this area, he noticed the ceilings were even lower, making the sense of confinement more intense. Even the hallways were narrow. Pei Cangyu felt that, compared to a typical hospital, this place was built rather cramped.
The ceiling lights were white, but perhaps due to age, the tubes were stained with black spots and the illumination was poor, adding to the gloomy atmosphere.
Pei Cangyu wasn't sure what he was looking for on the door plaques, but when he saw the Pinyin, he knew he had found it. It seemed Mr. Bai Yilong hadn't bothered to adopt a local name.
Pei Cangyu knocked. A voice quickly responded from inside, telling him to enter.
He pushed the door open. The old man was sitting in his wheelchair, gazing out the window, leaving only the silhouette of his thin, frail back. The room wasn't large—just a desk, a bed, and a radio on the table.
The moment he entered, Pei Cangyu was struck by a sense of shock. He felt the layout was incredibly familiar, though he couldn't quite place it.
The old man gripped his wheelchair and turned his head slightly. He smiled and gestured for Pei Cangyu to come closer.
Pei Cangyu closed the door and walked over. "Hello, Uncle. Um, I think I might have accidentally taken your glasses..."
The old man waved a hand, not looking at him. He stared out the window, seemingly signaling for him to be quiet.
Pei Cangyu fell silent. He followed the man's gaze outside, then turned back, utterly confused. "Is something wrong?"
The old man lifted his face to look at him. His expression was blank, making him look aged and haggard, but his eyes were entirely different from when they first met—they were piercingly bright. "What do you plan to do?"
"What... do you mean?"
"Bai Shi." The old man stared at him. "What do you plan to do about him?"
Pei Cangyu lowered his head and scratched his hair. "I haven't really thought through things between us yet. It's not like I have no feelings for him at all..."
"Not that." The old man’s voice turned stern. Pei Cangyu looked up as the man reached out and gripped the glasses case in his hand. In that instant, Pei Cangyu realized the old man possessed surprising strength.
"I mean, how do you plan to deal with him?"
Pei Cangyu froze for two seconds before slowly asking, "Deal with him... Did he ask you to ask me that?"
The old man chuckled, a sound that had nothing to do with kindness. "You're certainly cautious. He’s put you through a lot, hasn't he? But there's no need for that. I can help you."
Pei Cangyu stood up straight and took a small step back.
The old man tossed the glasses case onto the table and leaned back. The movement immediately reminded Pei Cangyu of Bai Shi; that arrogant, casual posture was carved from the exact same mold.
"Don't bother pretending. I can tell just by looking at you." The old man pointed to Pei Cangyu’s eyes. "I know what you're preparing. I can help you."
Pei Cangyu said nothing. He wasn't the same person he used to be. He found that in this situation, he didn't even feel like making a snide remark. His blood pressure didn't rise, and his heart didn't race. He remained remarkably calm, thinking to himself: *Not bad, Pei Cangyu. You've matured.*
The old man’s eyes were clear as he glanced toward the door. "You don't understand Bai Shi."
Pei Cangyu looked at him. "Then tell me. I'm listening."
The old man looked at him and smiled. "He doesn't have a good relationship with me, nor with his mother. You know that, right?"
Pei Cangyu nodded.
"When I said he spent his childhood running around with Ding Chuan, that wasn't a lie. He did receive a lot of training and did many things. He’s been like that since he was small." The old man pointed to his own head and laughed, his tone almost spiteful. "So, he's a bit mad."
Pei Cangyu felt deeply uncomfortable watching him.
"Once he gained some ability, he wanted revenge, as if I truly owed him something." The old man opened the glasses case and snapped it shut, his tone growing impatient. "That’s why I’ve never liked children. They’re born feeling entitled to this and that, demanding company, demanding kindness—as if providing them with such excellent conditions isn't enough."
The old man curled his lip maliciously. "Insatiable ghouls."
Pei Cangyu backed away until he was leaning against the wall.
The old man looked up at him, his gaze icy. "Fine, don't look at me with that look of disgust. I know you've known him since you were kids, and he's dragged you along with him. Your relationship is... ambiguous. It's understandable you'd react this way. But you should realize this isn't normal. Any sane person would tell you the same."
Pei Cangyu’s throat moved as he swallowed, but he didn't speak.
"Who do you think put me in this chair?" The old man reached down and brushed his empty trouser leg. "Let me tell you how he treats his own flesh and blood."
Pei Cangyu licked his lips, unsure if he wanted to hear more.
"Yan Baihua—that’s his mother. He was sixteen or seventeen then. He found out she was vacationing in Venice and followed her. He stalked her for twenty days before capturing her. He dragged her into his spider-like underground lair and cut out her uterus." The old man stroked his chin, narrowing his eyes. "Guess why? Was it because he wished he’d never been born?"
The old man let out a couple of dry laughs. "Filthy cur." He looked at Pei Cangyu again. "Then it was my turn. The Bai family fell into his hands, and this is how he dealt with me."
Pei Cangyu felt dizzy, as if he might collapse onto the floor.
The old man pointed outside. "Can you see the lake?"
Pei Cangyu slowly turned his head and saw the lake through the window. From this angle, the lake was shaped like a five-pointed star.
"He killed her and buried her in the lake." The old man’s face was full of ruthlessness. "He made me watch. Her name contained the character for 'Star,' so he built the lake in that shape."
The old man pointed to his own chest. "That is the kind of person he is."
Pei Cangyu swallowed hard. "You said it yourself... your relationship wasn't good..."
The old man suddenly burst into laughter, as if he’d heard a joke. "You don't actually think you're special, do you?"
Pei Cangyu stared at him.
"True, Yan Baihua and I didn't get along, and I wasn't good to Bai Shi either. We all had our own schemes. There was only one woman I ever loved, but I couldn't be with her because that bitch Yan Baihua tortured her and threatened me—all for her family's sake, and to make sure she suffered. I didn't let Yan Baihua off easy, either..."
"Then..." Pei Cangyu snapped his head up. "Bai Shi was an accident?"
The old man clicked his tongue and stroked his chin. "Can repeated rape be called an accident? Until there was Bai Shi." He shrugged. "She had to bear me a child. That woman was neurotic, a clean freak; looking at Bai Shi drove her mad." The old man smiled. "...'Rape.' That’s a good word. It perfectly describes my relationship with Yan Baihua. As long as Bai Shi existed, I won against her."
Pei Cangyu stared at the old man in disbelief, but the man seemed entirely unbothered.
"Pei Cangyu, you must understand. I may not be a good man, but I can tell who is and who isn't." He pointed at Pei Cangyu. "Ask yourself: if you were Bai Shi, would you have gone this far?"
Pei Cangyu remained silent.
"You wouldn't," the old man judged. "You aren't the same kind of person as him."
Pei Cangyu didn't respond. He turned to look at the lake outside the window again, noticing that the top point of the star was crooked, almost severed.
"When you were a child, your father..."
Pei Cangyu whipped his head around to glare at Bai Yilong, his eyes nearly spitting fire.
The old man raised a hand in a placating gesture. "Don't get excited. Bai Shi told me. He didn't mean to." The old man chuckled. "He couldn't control himself. After he took out her uterus, Yan Baihua didn't live long after she was sent back. She was a true wretch; even on her deathbed, she gave Bai Shi leverage over me, just to make sure I wouldn't have a moment's peace. Originally, Ding Chuan wanted me dead, but Bai Shi refused. You know how it is—he was too lonely. Yan Baihua's death broke him..."
Pei Cangyu frowned as he looked at Bai Yilong.
"So, don't deal with psychopaths. They really aren't normal." Bai Yilong reached for the radio. "I told him Yan Baihua and I had reconciled long ago and that we had been searching for him for years. He believed it—or more likely, he didn't believe it, he just *wanted* to believe it. Or perhaps my explanation simply didn't matter to him anymore. He 'saved' me on purpose, the price being this wheelchair. One day it’s a picture of a devoted father and son; the next, he tells me he killed her. At that moment, I truly wanted to strangle him, but I couldn't reach him, so I endured."
Bai Yilong pulled a hard object wrapped in something from the opened radio. "So I play his 'father.' I listen to him talk about his obsessions. He wanted to find you; I advised him against it, saying it was better to wait for the right time. I figured your life wouldn't be great after that, but if enough time passed, you’d have your own life and wouldn't want to get mixed up with him. As long as Bai Shi provoked someone from normal society, it would only be a matter of time before he was caught."
"But I didn't expect," Bai Yilong said, looking at Pei Cangyu with disappointment, "that you would get sucked back in so easily."
Pei Cangyu grit his teeth, staring at the object in the man's hand.
The oil paper was slowly peeled away, revealing what was inside.
It was a gun.
Bai Yilong held it out to him. "So, I'm helping you."
Pei Cangyu didn't move.
"Kill him. You have the chance. He kidnapped you; this would be self-defense."
Pei Cangyu stared at Bai Yilong.
"Bai Shi took everything from me. I'm isolated here, living with a bunch of idiots whose brains are full of maggots, people who would even eat shit..." Bai Yilong struggled to suppress his tone. "This is how he takes his revenge. This is my prison."
"But he still comes to see you often..."
"What do you think he comes to see?" Bai Yilong said impatiently. "He wants to keep me in his palm, to see me destitute, and then have me perform a play of 'reformation' for him. He pretends it's all real. That’s why he’s sick."
He pushed the gun forward. The body of the weapon was a shiny, polished black, with yellow textured grips for a steady hold. As Pei Cangyu stared at the gun, Bai Yilong added in a low voice, "It's fully loaded."
Pei Cangyu slowly reached out to take it. His fingers brushed the metal; the gun was hot from Bai Yilong's body heat. He looked up at Bai Yilong, who withdrew his hand with a satisfied smile.
Pei Cangyu suddenly felt a sense of familiarity. It was a hauntingly familiar feeling. He realized that whether it was Bai Yilong, Bai Shi, or even the Bai Hai he had met many years ago, they were all similar in certain ways, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
Bai Yilong put the radio back together and looked at Pei Cangyu. "You should be more firm. You had already decided, hadn't you?"
Pei Cangyu looked down at the gun and asked, for no apparent reason, "Do you hate Bai Shi?"
Bai Yilong answered candidly, "I do. Just as he hates me." He smiled. "Do you know where Bai Shi went when we were by the lake?"
Pei Cangyu looked up.
"I'll bet you: that girl you saw playing chess with me today? She'll never come back."
Pei Cangyu was surprised. "Why?"
Bai Yilong gave a cold sneer. "Because he cannot tolerate me having anything good in my life. That’s the kind of psycho he is. He drags you down to a certain baseline and demands that you accept it—and enjoy it." Bai Yilong pointed a finger toward Pei Cangyu. "He demands bottomless care and unprincipled love."
"If you understand all this, why..."
Bai Yilong raised a hand to cut him off. "I'll answer you: because I don't care."
Pei Cangyu gripped the gun tight. "Don't you parents have any responsibility toward your children?"
Bai Yilong looked up, a look of genuine surprise on his face. "Why should we? Why do things like you, born with everything handed to you on a silver platter, feel so entitled to demand this and that? You've never done a thing to please me."
Pei Cangyu was at a loss for words. He realized that some people in this world were simply born to hate their children. He wanted to ask why they would bring them into the world in the first place, but looking at Bai Yilong’s indifferent face, he understood that whether someone was born or not wasn't particularly important to him.
Pei Cangyu’s heart was a mess of complex emotions. In the members of the Bai family, he saw the same brand of extremism, ruthlessness, and the dangerous, effortless composure that followed. They were like storms, easily sweeping others away—not because their logic was sound, but because they were pure and unwavering. They had a way of attracting people. Pei Cangyu figured the fact that Bai Yilong could get his hands on this gun was proof enough of that.
He slowly dragged his feet out of the room. At the doorway, he turned back for one last look. Bai Yilong remained a silhouette against the window. Pei Cangyu finally remembered why the room felt so familiar: the layout was identical to the mental hospital room Bai Shi had been confined in as a child.
Just as Bai Yilong said, Bai Shi had never truly reconciled. And perhaps, Bai Shi couldn't even tell the difference between love and hate.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 裴苍玉 | Pei Cangyu | Protagonist (Shou) |
| 白石 | Bai Shi | Love interest/Antagonist |
| 白义龙 | Bai Yilong | Bai Shi's father |
| 严柏华 | Yan Baihua | Bai Shi's mother |
| 丁川 | Ding Chuan | A character from Bai Shi's past who trained him |
| 白海 | Bai Hai | A member of the Bai family mentioned previously |
| 白卡丘 | Baikachu | A nickname for Bai Shi (Bai + Pikachu) |
| 芳香净地 | Le Parfum Des Eglises | A musical piece (The Fragrance of Churches) |
| 旧区 | Old district/wing | The older part of the facility |
