“How have you been sleeping lately?” The doctor looked up at him, his fountain pen hovering over the paper as he waited for an answer to assign a grade to this metric.
Pei Cangyu shifted his crossed hands, pressing down on his leg to stop it from its unconscious fidgeting. He nodded slowly. “Much better.”
“How many times did you dream this week?”
“...Three times.”
“How many of those were about Bai Shi?”
“...”
The doctor’s pen remained still. He looked at Pei Cangyu with a gentle gaze, like one might look at a puppy drenched by the rain on the side of the road.
“Once.”
The doctor asked encouragingly, “What did you dream about?”
Pei Cangyu fell silent again. The doctor across from him was very patient.
It was true—Pei Cangyu had officially become a student at the police academy.
After his return, he had been hospitalized for a week. Feeling that there was nothing truly wrong with his body, he had briskly packed his things (which amounted to only two changes of clothes) and went home.
In the beginning, although everyone looked at him as if he were a shattered vase, they couldn't account for the fact that Pi Gou was simply too simple-minded to care. After all these years apart, Pi Gou didn't show the slightest hint of estrangement. Ignoring the topics that Apple and Monkey pointedly avoided, he had lunged forward, covered in tears and snot, wailing, “I missed you to death!” while Feiji stood by, shaking his head.
Speaking of those two, Shi Yuanchen had added a few details: their primary benefactor throughout this journey had been Pi Gou, and the newspaper where Feiji worked was currently sparing no effort to sway public opinion to ensure Bai Shi faced trial.
In truth, even now, Pei Cangyu felt a bit dazed. Everything had happened too fast and ended too abruptly. He was surrounded by the people he was most familiar with—the people who had traveled thousands of miles to bring him back. Pei Cangyu should have felt the joy of a survivor, but instead, he only felt a profound sense of calm.
Every day Pei Cangyu lived felt surreal, as if he were walking on clouds. Shi Yuanchen had tactfully advised him that even though his formal evaluations were over, he could continue seeing the doctor if he wished.
And so, Pei Cangyu continued to see the doctor three times a month. He never asked about the consultation fees; he assumed Shi Yuanchen had handled it.
Life was now reduced to a pile of trivialities.
The waived tuition, the living expenses that appeared in his bank account for reasons unknown, the apartment Shi Yuanchen had helped him rent, the intermittent calls and letters from middle school classmates, and the homeroom teacher helping him catch up on his studies.
Everyone spoke to him. He was now the center of life, with everything revolving around him. Everyone, to varying degrees, projected kindness toward him, concentrating it all on his person, which made him very uncomfortable.
By October, things had improved significantly.
Kong Ping’s semester had started, Hou Qi’an had returned to school, Pi Gou had gone abroad again, Feiji had returned to his company, and Fei Zuohua had become busy following a promotion.
However, Shi Yuanchen still came to visit him often.
Only after this flurry of bustling concern passed did Pei Cangyu begin to grow accustomed to things.
He grew used to the apartment, the route to school became familiar, and even seeing Shi Yuanchen became a regular occurrence.
He never asked how Bai Shi was doing. He never even mentioned him, and no one asked him about it.
Except for the doctor.
“Did you dream about being on the road with him?” the doctor asked again.
Pei Cangyu lifted his eyes to steal a quick glance at the doctor before looking away again, staring at the patterns on the curtains. “I dreamt it was my birthday.”
“How old were you?”
“Just... about the age I am now.”
“And then?”
Pei Cangyu unconsciously turned his hands over, inspecting them. “He... escaped...”
“And then?”
“He escaped... to celebrate my birthday.” Pei Cangyu paused. “From prison. Then he took a plane to get here and waited for me at my house with a strawberry cake. I said I didn't like strawberries, so he just smiled and said sorry, that next time it would be mango. I said okay, and then I remembered he was a fugitive, so I said 'bullshit, there won't be a next time.' He laughed again and said 'true, you're a cop now, are you going to arrest me?' He put his hands up. Before I could decide, a red dot appeared on his forehead. A crowd of people surrounded the place, saying he was cornered and telling him to surrender. Bai Shi walked out with his hands up, the blinding light shining on him. A voice over a megaphone told him to kneel, so he knelt, but no one came forward to handcuff him...”
The doctor watched Pei Cangyu and noticed his voice was trembling slightly. He chose that moment to interrupt. “And then?”
Startled by the voice, Pei Cangyu gave a small shudder. He steadied himself, looked up, and parted his lips, but nothing came out.
The doctor looked at him. “Was he shot dead?”
“...”
Pei Cangyu nodded slowly.
The doctor wrote something on the paper. Seeing Pei Cangyu’s vacant expression, he capped his pen and called his name.
Pei Cangyu turned his face back blankly.
The doctor asked leadingly, “If you wanted to ask how he is actually doing, who could you ask?”
Pei Cangyu frowned. “I don't want to know.”
The doctor gazed at him and let out a soft sigh at the end.
***
When Pei Cangyu stepped outside, Shi Yuanchen was leaning against his car, looking quite dashing as he stood on the street corner. Seeing Pei Cangyu, he raised a hand in greeting.
Pei Cangyu walked over to him, and Shi Yuanchen opened the car door for him.
“How was today?” Shi Yuanchen asked as he buckled his seatbelt.
“Not great, I guess.” Pei Cangyu rubbed the space between his brows. “I think the doctor is about to be bored to death by me. There’s no progress.”
“Is that so?” Shi Yuanchen glanced at him. “Or perhaps you could try his suggestion.”
“He wants me to ask about Bai Shi’s current situation.”
“But?”
“I don't want to ask.”
Shi Yuanchen said nothing.
Pei Cangyu turned his face away, propping his arm on the window frame and resting his cheek on his hand. “If I ask, it’ll be just like what you all think.”
“What we think? Like what?”
Pei Cangyu turned back to look at him, sounding rather resentful. “You all think I have Stockholm Syndrome. Is that the only word you know? Is it that novel to you?”
Shi Yuanchen showed no reaction. “Some people will think that.”
“Anyway, I won't admit to it.”
“Is it because Officer Fei said that about you?”
A look of grievance appeared on Pei Cangyu’s face. “I don't have that illness. I’m not sick.”
Shi Yuanchen said leisurely, “It doesn't really have much to do with being sick.”
Pei Cangyu glanced at him and fell silent again.
“Actually, Pei Cangyu, I think if you’re angry, you can say it.” He looked at Pei Cangyu. “You’re very angry, aren't you? From the beginning until now, not a single thing has been decided by you; you’ve been pushed along by one side or the other. No one has ever asked for your opinion. Officer Fei believes you’ve been ‘completely influenced,’ so he tells you nothing about Bai Shi and won't allow anyone else to tell you either. Your friends—except for that classmate named Pi—all hold varying degrees of sympathy for you. I think this reunion carries too much emotional weight; it needs time to smooth over. The ‘original life’ you wanted most... even though you’re back now, it’s completely different, isn't it?”
Shi Yuanchen paused before continuing, “So if you are furious, I can completely understand. Rejecting everything related to Bai Shi isn't actually helping your psychological recovery... Perhaps I’m being too blunt, you...”
He looked at Pei Cangyu, who was also looking at him with a faint smile. “You’ve noticed that Pi Gou’s nerves are unusually thick too, haven't you...?”
“...” Shi Yuanchen smiled.
Pei Cangyu leaned his head back against his arm. “Yeah, you’re right. But since you understand me so well, why don't you just be my therapist? It would save me the consultation fee.”
Shi Yuanchen chuckled. “Sure.”
Pei Cangyu turned to look at him. “I don't get it. Since you have to analyze the reason for everything, why don't you analyze why you’re looking after me?”
As soon as Shi Yuanchen opened his mouth, Pei Cangyu interrupted him: “Focus on the word ‘looking after.’ You’ve done more than just help. Given how we were just chance acquaintances... do you have a long-lost son from years ago? Or do I look exactly like him?”
“...” Shi Yuanchen turned the corner; Pei Cangyu’s residence was just ahead. “I’ll tell you next time.”
Pei Cangyu reached into the back to grab his backpack. “Fine—if you won't say, I won't ask. I’m just a good youth who respects other people’s wishes.”
As he got out of the car, Shi Yuanchen reached out and grabbed his arm, leaning his head out of the window. “Have you been sleeping poorly lately?” He pointed to the area under his own eyes.
Pei Cangyu shrugged. “Poorly. It’s hard for us Stockholm cases to recover.”
“Don't speak out of spite.”
“Anything else?”
Shi Yuanchen let go. “If you want to know about Bai Shi, you can ask Fei Zuohua.”
“I already said I don't want to kno—”
“You can also ask me,” Shi Yuanchen interrupted.
Shi Yuanchen stared at him. “Do you want to know?”
Pei Cangyu didn't move.
He waited until the setting sun shifted its angle, hitting Shi Yuanchen’s face and casting his entire features in a warm palette of red and gold. Only then did Pei Cangyu shake his head. “No.”
With that, he turned toward his house. He had a secret there.
But Shi Yuanchen suddenly spoke. “Bai Shi is coming back. He’s being extradited.”
Like a robot, Pei Cangyu turned back with a slow, mechanical motion that almost seemed to emit the sound of grinding parts. The orange-yellow sunlight on his clothes jumped to his chest.
“Next week,” Shi Yuanchen told him.
But Pei Cangyu’s expression was impossible to read.
