While I was waiting on the other side of the road, I saw that man Shi’s car from a distance. It was a nice car. Once, I snuck into his garage to look for Pei Cangyu’s files, and I sat inside for a while with the air conditioning on. I’m telling you, those leather seats were comfortable—the leather even had perforated patterns. Fuck, it was impressive.
When I went back and told Tao Feng about it, he didn't even bother looking at me. He just asked our Big Brother, "Why don't you buy this hillbilly a car?"
Big Brother said I didn't know how to drive.
So I shut my mouth.
Back then, I had just started working for Tao Feng. I was a rookie, a greenhorn doing odd jobs—passing messages, delivering things, that sort of stuff. I only saw the Boss once. He told me to "move," and Zhou Linyuan, who was standing next to him, gave me a glare, so I hurried out of the way. The Boss walked into the alley; that was the day he was going to kill his brother.
After doing grunt work for a long time, I gradually made a name for myself. But Tao Feng said I was too stupid, "unfit for great things"—I had to look that phrase up in a dictionary later. However, on the night the Boss escaped from the police station, I was the one driving the car.
My driving skills are actually quite good; I shook off three or four police cruisers. The Boss didn't really know me, but he said, "You drive well."
I replied, "True. I usually play *QQ Speed* in my spare time. I take first place in every race."
After I said that, I looked at the Boss, but he wasn't even listening.
I took him to the factory and was about to follow him out of the car, but he told me to stay. He told me to drive and lead the police away, then prepare a car for him on Kirin Street.
He spoke very fast. I was a bit excited; the Boss had never said so much to me before. I felt like I was finally moving up in the world.
Later, the Boss took the car I prepared and fled to somewhere in Europe.
Then I heard he got caught.
Because of that, I never really got a promotion.
Even though I don't understand business, it seemed like we were only in chaos for a short while before everything went back to the way it was. I heard from Tao Feng that the Boss "bled" a little to stabilize the situation. I didn't understand the specifics, but it probably had something to do with shares.
I nodded as I listened. When Tao Feng saw me nodding, he laughed and cursed at me, "Do you even understand? Why the hell are you nodding?"
I felt wronged. I was purely doing it to be polite.
Once things were basically settled, we dealt with the remnants of the Ding family. It wasn't a big deal, but then Pei Cangyu came back, and those people set their sights on him. We handled a lot of things for him in the shadows. Sometimes we even had to look out for that annoying cop friend of his at the same time. It was really a pain.
They said it was for Pei Cangyu, but obviously, it wasn't *for* Pei Cangyu. If the Boss hadn't ordered it, I don't think any of us would have bothered.
When most of the people were dealt with, Tao Feng actually told me to go to Pei Cangyu’s house. I asked him what for, and he said he wanted me to help Pei Cangyu change a lightbulb.
I got angry right then. I told him to stop bullshitting; I was busy. Why the hell did I have to go just to change a lightbulb?
Tao Feng turned to look at Zhou Linyuan. Zhou Linyuan took two steps toward me, and I immediately surrendered. The person I fear most is Zhou Linyuan.
"Fine, fine, fine. I'll go, alright?"
As it turned out, they were all fucking lying to me. Changing the bulb didn't work because there was a problem with the wiring in his place. I messed around with it for half a day, tore out the old wires and threw them away—otherwise, he would’ve been electrocuted sooner or later. I even replaced the junction box under the guise of the building management. It cost quite a bit of money, inside and out.
Later, when I went to Tao Feng for reimbursement, he asked, "Are you short on this kind of money? You clearly aren't, but he is."
I thought about it and realized he was right. I was no longer the kid who could only touch Professor Shi’s car, but Pei Cangyu was still a poor man.
So I decided to let it go.
Even though I was still annoyed, because it wasn't just once—we had played nanny for Pei Cangyu quite a few times.
Right now, I watched the car stop at the intersection for a red light and knew I should head back. I had only come out to grab a soda.
I turned and asked the girl selling drinks how much it was. Her face turned red as she smoothed her hair, saying it was free, her treat.
Then she asked if I was a local and what I did for a living.
I actually wanted to chat, but time was tight. There was no way.
So I said, "Thanks," and walked away. I saw her roll her eyes but pretended not to notice.
I finished my drink by the compound wall, tossed the bottle, and hopped over the wall in two bounds. Pei Cangyu lived on the third floor. I had just been there, and now I climbed back up.
I had been inside for a good while before Pei Cangyu finally entered.
I was standing by the window. The lights weren't on in the room, so he could probably only see a shadow.
When he saw me upon entering, his hand trembled slightly. I guess anyone would be startled to see a tall figure by the window when they walked through the door.
But Pei Cangyu pretended he wasn't startled.
He tossed his keys into a drawer and asked while changing his shoes, "A different person today?"
"Isn't it a different person every day?"
After I spoke, he froze for a moment and looked up at me.
"What are you looking at?"
He smiled slightly. "Nothing. It’s just that out of all the people who’ve come here, you’re the first one to talk to me."
I thought to myself: *That’s because I’m more lively.* I get it; everyone else on the team lacks basic communication skills, especially Zhou Linyuan. He’s practically...
I’m getting off track.
But I didn't respond to his comment.
He stood up and walked toward me, stopping by the water dispenser. "Want some water?"
I actually did. I was even thirstier after that soda.
"No need."
He focused on filling his cup, not looking at me. "Why?"
"I'm afraid you'll take the cup I used to check for fingerprints. You are a cop, after all."
"Oh." He turned to look at me while he drank. "If I really did check, where would your fingerprints show up?"
In plenty of places, brother. I’m telling you, I was the one who removed the camera someone installed on your ceiling. I was the one who dismantled the bug at the foot of your bed. There were drugs in your takeout, and I was the one who threw it away—you even complained that someone was stealing your food and searched the compound entrance for ages.
Oh, right. One day before you got home, there was someone waiting for you inside. I was the one who took him away. He tried to stab me, so I had no choice but to physically neutralize him on the spot. It was 6:30 PM, and it wasn't easy to carry him out, so I stashed him under your coffee table for a few hours. I only took him away after you fell asleep. It was a good thing you had a cold that day, otherwise I wouldn't have known what to do. Speaking of which, that guy weighed 230 pounds; he nearly broke my back.
And I won't even mention the jobs I did elsewhere.
"Ocean Park, maybe. I like dolphins."
He laughed. "You can actually tell jokes."
"Yeah. I learned it during group training."
He paused. "Really?"
"..."
He sighed, walked over, and handed me the water. "You can take the cup with you."
I hesitated for a moment before taking it.
He suddenly saw my face clearly and looked shocked. It took him a while to ask, "How old are you?"
I looked down at him but didn't answer.
"Are you even an adult?"
"I'm already eighteen."
He smiled. "Then you're still just a kid."
A few of us knew about the relationship between Pei Cangyu and the Boss. My Boss was currently in prison, so I shouldn't be standing this close to him. I could even smell the scent of his hair—did he use too much shampoo? I’m a man of the old-school, traditional sort, so I moved back a bit.
He didn't notice, nor did he have the self-awareness of being "the Boss's man." He just went about his business. Honestly, if I were the Boss and he was coming home in other men's cars every day, acting all ambiguous with that annoying little cop, I’d be furious. He wasn't following the "way of a husband" at all. It was a good thing our Boss was magnanimous.
He looked at me. "What's wrong? Why are you frowning so hard?"
According to our traditions back home, if the Boss is in prison, he should be in there with him.
Sigh, modern society is truly open-minded.
I should go buy a cell phone later; I heard 3G is really fast.
He sat leisurely on the sofa and turned to ask me, "Have you eaten?"
"I don't eat."
He gave an "oh" and started ordering takeout on his phone. "Do you think fried chicken is better, or soup?"
He was in a good mood today.
He sat on the sofa playing with his phone while I stood behind him, watching him. I hoped the phone wouldn't leak electricity and shock him; my responsibility was to keep him safe.
He suddenly turned around. "Bai Shi is coming back. Did you know?"
No shit, of course I knew.
...Wait, did *he* not know?
...Does this mean the Boss broke up with him? That shouldn't be right; Tao Feng told me to come today. Does that mean I can go back now?
Pei Cangyu’s expression soured. "So you knew too."
I didn't answer. He spoke again, "I'm the only one who didn't know."
Then he tossed his phone onto the table and slumped into the sofa, leaving one arm draped over the backrest. I could only see his wrist and hand. He was a bit thinner than we had imagined.
He beckoned. "Come here."
I walked over and looked down at him. His back was to me, his face pressed into the sofa cushions. His voice was muffled. "I'm only asking you once."
I nodded, then remembered he couldn't see me, so I spoke. "Mm."
"Did Bai Shi send you all?"
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"I came two months ago."
He shifted, turning his head to look up at the ceiling without turning his body. "When I graduated, I received gifts and flowers. Were they from Bai Shi?"
"Yes."
He hesitated for a long time before finally turning to look at me. "How is he?"
Being looked at by him felt like being lunged at by a baby. As a man who belonged to someone else, he really shouldn't look at people like that.
"He's alright."
A hint of a smile suddenly appeared in his eyes before vanishing. He turned back away. After a long while, he asked, "What are you here for today? Surely not to deliver flowers again?"
Actually, I had two tasks today. One was to take photos of his psychological consultation records, and the other...
Tao Feng had said, "Keep him company and chat with him."
At the time, I felt wronged. Just because I talk a lot doesn't mean I love chatting. I tried to refuse.
Tao Feng had turned and called out, "Zhou Linyuan."
I told him, "Stop calling, he's not here."
Only then did Tao Feng look at me, even giving me a smile. "Do a good job."
"I'm not doing it."
"How about this: after the Boss returns, you can go see him."
"Really?"
I hadn't seen the Boss in a long time, and I was quite excited. Back then, when the Boss was fleeing at midnight and stepped right onto the face of a man lunging out of a building—that cool silhouette was something I truly admired. The Boss hadn't even taken his hands out of his pockets the whole time. If I had heard someone tell that story before, I would’ve thought they were just posing, but after seeing it for real, paired with the Boss’s expressionless face, a new idol was born.
So, I had come today prepared to "chat."
"To keep you company and chat," I said honestly.
He sat up and looked at me. "Then what's your name?"
"Can't say that. Pick another one."
"Then where are you from?"
"Can't say that either. Try again."
He glared at me and reached for a cigarette. "Forget it. Perform the *Dance of the Rainbow and Feather Garments* for me."
"What's that?" I was a bit displeased. "I haven't had much schooling."
With the cigarette still in his mouth, he looked up at me, his eyes wide. "They kidnapped you into this life without even letting you go to school?"
"..."
He handed me a cigarette. "Based on age, you could call me 'Brother'..."
This guy, really...
I took the cigarette he gave me and put it in my pocket along with the water cup from earlier. He looked at me, his eyes asking why I wasn't smoking.
"I'm on duty. No smoking."
He rolled his eyes at me.
I sat on the floor with my legs crossed, making me exactly one head shorter than him. He shifted. "Sit on the sofa."
"This is fine."
He looked at me again with that expression reserved for "students from the mountains who can't afford school," and his tone softened significantly. "Isn't the floor cold?"
I got goosebumps.
I told him, "It's not what you think."
He blinked.
"We have a saying: 'The poor head for foreign lands; the desperate head for the mines.' I was the kind who gambled on stones..."
He interrupted me. "What are 'foreign lands'?"
I explained to him, "It means if you're poor, you smuggle yourself across the border; if you need money urgently, you gamble on stones. Looking for raw jade. They call it gambling, but my family just provided the hard labor. I met my Big Brother at the stone pits, and he brought me here."
He asked, "How old were you then?"
"Fifteen."
He looked at me and pursed his lips.
I quite enjoyed the feeling. He cared—not necessarily because of me, but because this kind of thing mattered to him.
He asked hesitantly, "Is it better here?"
I nodded quickly. "It is."
The tension in his brow seemed to ease. It was a new experience for me to realize that my words could affect someone else's feelings, but it didn't feel bad. His eyes were very clean.
Maybe I should get a dog too. A little Golden Retriever or a Westie.
I said a few more words: "The jade dreams of Hpakant in Kachin State. For the sake of a dream, people dig through mountains and valleys just to see if it's a common stone or jade."
"Whether it's stone or jade depends on the gamble, right?"
"A stone has nothing to compare with jade, and jade wants for nothing. If they must be linked, then the stone uses itself as a lead, splitting itself open to see if there is jade inside. Offering the stone to the jade—it's just gambling on a dream."
Pei Cangyu looked at me for a long time, then smiled. "I'm going to eat."
He stood up. "Are you coming?"
I shook my head. I had no intention of being seen with him.
He waved at me. "See you if there's a chance."
Then he went out. I waited ten minutes before flipping out through the window.
Tao Feng kept his promise. On the day Pei Cangyu went to see the Boss, he indeed let me accompany him.
I went to knock on the door. Before he could open it, I heard a *thump* from inside. Then he pulled the door open, rubbing his leg. He looked like he hadn't slept well, probably thinking about today's meeting all night.
He was startled when he saw me. "What's with the getup today?"
I pushed up my new glasses. "I'm your school counselor."
his eye twitched, but in the end, he said nothing.
As he got into the car, he muttered to himself, "Aren't you afraid of getting caught? You people are way too arrogant."
On the way, he kept drinking water, seemingly parched. When I turned my head away, I caught him adjusting his hair in the mirror.
I felt gratified. This was the normal behavior of a "married man" visiting his spouse in prison. If it weren't for the fact that the guy named Fei wouldn't allow it, Pei Cangyu could have stayed the night with my Boss today.
But honestly, he wasn't the only one.
The Boss had actually returned three months ago, but his head had been shaved, and he didn't want to see Pei Cangyu while he was bald. At the time, I was very confused. Wouldn't the Boss look even cooler like that? If he got a tattoo on his face—half a couplet on each side—he’d look like someone who could kill gods and buddhas alike. I really looked forward to that, but doing so would probably mean losing my job.
Tao Feng said I didn't know shit; he called it "being in love."
Pei Cangyu was the same. I remember once, very casually, I mentioned that he looked a bit chubby and wondered if the Boss would recognize him. He started losing weight after that. I really just misspoke that time; I had no idea if he was originally fat or thin, but since then, Pei Cangyu had definitely lost about five or six pounds.
Pei Cangyu was still looking in the mirror. His eyes were a bit puffy, and he was rubbing them hard.
I glanced at him. "Do you want to put on some makeup? I can stop at a mall."
He glared at me. "Why do you talk so much?"
I felt wronged. I had only made one teasing remark.
Pei Cangyu turned away from the mirror and stared out the window.
After a while, he turned back and asked me, "Am I being too... that?"
"Too what?"
"Just..." He hesitated, then simply turned away again.
So I asked, "Effeminate? True. Let's buy a skirt later."
He slowly turned his head back and narrowed his eyes. "If I told you to jump out of the car right now, would you have to do it?"
According to the administrative hierarchy, yes. If he insisted I should die, and I didn't want to commit suicide, I’d have to start my life as a fugitive immediately. After Tao Feng and the others killed me, they might even put some poppies on my corpse as a memorial.
The Boss's man is not to be trifled with, so I stopped talking.
When we arrived, Fei Zuohua was already waiting at the entrance. It was a scorching sun, but he didn't seem to mind the heat.
Pei Cangyu got even more nervous when he saw him. He told me, "I need to use the bathroom."
"You did drink a lot of water."
Fei Zuohua was kind to him but had a firm attitude. Toward me, he wasn't even kind. He asked Pei Cangyu, "Who is this?"
"A school counselor. He came along." Pei Cangyu’s mind wasn't on the question; he was peering into the building. "Is it here?"
"No." Fei Zuohua looked at me with suspicion, scanning me up and down. He’d probably check my identity as soon as I left. But it didn't matter; I really *was* a counselor. Then he looked at Pei Cangyu. "It's in the back. The prison."
Hearing those words, Pei Cangyu swallowed hard.
We went around the main building to another set of locked gates.
I thought to myself: *As expected of the Boss. Locked up behind so many layers—he’s really got status.*
We registered at the main gate, registered again at the Northeast District, and registered once more at Unit Five.
Now, straight ahead was the visiting room.
Pei Cangyu turned to Fei Zuohua. "I'm going to the bathroom."
Fei Zuohua: "..."
I added, "He drank too much water."
Fei Zuohua turned left. "This way."
Both of us followed.
Fei Zuohua raised a hand to stop me. "You don't need to."
Then he turned and kept walking.
Joke's on you. You don't get to decide if I need to or not.
I waited a moment and then followed.
When I reached the restroom door, Pei Cangyu was about to walk out. Fei Zuohua reached out and grabbed Pei Cangyu’s arm. I immediately felt like reaching for my knife.
He said to Pei Cangyu, "Why are you so agitated? Hasn't the doctor fixed you yet?"
Hearing this, Pei Cangyu shook off his arm. "I'm not sick."
Fei Zuohua pursed his lips and stared at him, but Pei Cangyu turned his face away. "Is there anything else?"
"I'm telling you, if it were up to me, I wouldn't let you see Bai Shi at all. He has too much influence over you. It's only because of the special circumstances..."
Pei Cangyu turned to look at him. "Didn't he say he wanted to see me?"
"...Yes."
"Then that's it. You satisfy his request, and he provides you with information."
Fei Zuohua looked a bit embarrassed.
Pei Cangyu patted his shoulder and smiled. "Don't worry, I understand. I won't be bewitched by him again."
Only then did Fei Zuohua seem somewhat relieved.
The visiting room was large and empty. We weren't meeting in one of those places with a glass partition; it was just an ordinary room.
Pei Cangyu sat on one side of the table. I stood behind him, and Fei Zuohua stood in the middle. There were also two guards in the room.
I watched Pei Cangyu shake his leg and bite his fingernails, which made me nervous too.
The door clicked.
Pei Cangyu snapped his head toward the sound. In that instant, I felt his body stiffen. If I were a psychic, I’m sure I would have seen his soul leave his body and lunge toward the door.
Even I stood up straighter.
The door opened, and the Boss walked in, accompanied by a policeman.
He was wearing handcuffs and leg irons, dressed in blue and white prison clothes. Other than that, he looked completely unchanged.
I looked at Pei Cangyu again, afraid he might cry. Of course, he didn't.
Fei Zuohua looked at Pei Cangyu with an expression of disappointment and even a bit of anger.
The Boss only looked at Pei Cangyu. He smiled at him, walked over, and sat on the other side of the table.
I couldn't see Pei Cangyu’s face, but looking at his back, I was afraid he might just snap.
The Boss’s smile was very gentle, and his voice was soft. I guess people in love are all like that.
He said, "You've lost weight, Pei Cangyu."
I saw Pei Cangyu practically shudder.
Then Pei Cangyu replied, "I'm alright."
The Boss smiled and turned to Fei Zuohua. "Give me a cigarette."
His tone changed as if he were wearing a different mask.
Fei Zuohua looked displeased but handed him a cigarette and lit it.
"Your exam results were so good. Why don't you go out and have some fun for a few days?"
Pei Cangyu looked up at him. After a brief pause, he said, "Your hair finally grew back. Congratulations."
Their voices weren't loud, and they had the vibe of an old married couple. Even though they were separated, they knew everything about each other. Right now, they were practically flirting. Officer Fei’s facial expression was extremely grim.
"Dealing with the police is exhausting. I was worried I’d go bald."
Pei Cangyu teased him, "I'll give you a wig made from my own hair. I'll only charge you a hundred bucks."
The Boss flicked his ash and smiled. "Oh, so kind. Add another hundred and dye it yellow."
"Then you pay for it."
"Fine. But you have to perform first. What instrument can you play?"
"I can't play anything. I can't beat you at the guitar."
"You can play the flute, right? The kind that sounds all mournful and sobbing."
"You motherfucker..."
I looked at Fei Zuohua. Eavesdropping on a couple is already something no one should have to do, and now that we were forced to do it together, I felt a sudden sense of empathy for him. He must be even more annoyed than I was.
The two of them leaned closer and closer. If we hadn't been there, I had no doubt I’d see them rolling around on the table having sex right then and there.
Of course, I'm an adult; I understand.
"Please maintain your distance."
One of the guards said coldly.
Pei Cangyu’s face flushed, and he immediately leaned back, creating space. The Boss didn't move.
I don't know who told me before that Pei Cangyu didn't have feelings for the Boss, but I later found out that wasn't true at all. Besides, someone like Pei Cangyu, who can't hide anything in his heart, couldn't possibly hide who he liked. Even though he ultimately chose to betray the Boss. I heard he originally intended for them to die together, but the Boss had a backup plan.
They chatted for a long time, but they didn't say anything particularly significant.
The sunset at the window moved from the Boss’s side to Pei Cangyu’s.
The two of them looked very happy, like two students who only had eyes for each other.
I didn't know if it was worth it, or if this was the peace of mind Pei Cangyu wanted. The Boss was still under investigation, preparing for trial, and no one knew how long his sentence would be. He was matching wits with the police, and I heard he had even reorganized the discipline among the inmates in his block. His reputation was rising, but he had also offended many people—truly my Boss. As for Pei Cangyu, I didn't know when he had fallen in love with him. His home was still empty. Occasionally we would go over, but most of the time he had to endure—endure the love and the longing. Even though everyone thought it was just a continuation of a pathological life, Pei Cangyu couldn't explain it. I guess he was strong enough to persevere alone.
At this moment, they were truly happy.
The Boss held the cigarette in his hand and slowly placed it in the ashtray.
Pei Cangyu’s eyes followed the cigarette. After it was placed in the ashtray, he picked it up and stared at it blankly, as if wanting to take a puff.
Fei Zuohua took a step forward. The Boss turned to look at him and smiled, looking a bit smug. Fei Zuohua grew even angrier. He restrained himself, walked over to Pei Cangyu, and gave a loud cough.
Pei Cangyu snapped out of it and crushed the cigarette in the ashtray.
"Time's up."
The guard announced the time like a robot.
The Boss and Pei Cangyu looked at each other. The Boss gave a gentle smile. Pei Cangyu’s eyes followed him, looking wet and soft. I wanted to get a dog again.
Just as that thought popped into my head, the Boss suddenly glanced at me. There was no gentleness at all—just a cold stare. I don't even know why.
He’s like a ghost, that man.
The Boss stood up, and Pei Cangyu stood up too. It was time for them to part.
Fei Zuohua couldn't wait for them to separate. He said to the guards, "Thank you. It's over."
the guards stepped forward.
The Boss suddenly looked at Pei Cangyu and said, "Let's find a time to have sex, Pei Cangyu. I'm about to burst."
The guards' footsteps faltered for a second.
I thought: *So you guys aren't that robotic after all.*
Fei Zuohua looked like he wanted to commit murder. He gritted his teeth, while Pei Cangyu just stared at the Boss.
The guards recovered. One opened the door, and the other walked toward the Boss. "Let's go, Mr. Bai."
The Boss tilted his head to look at Pei Cangyu. "Goodbye, Pei Cangyu."
Pei Cangyu nodded three times, watching him leave.
Fei Zuohua glared at the Boss’s back and muttered to himself, "Too arrogant, way too arrogant..."
I think he really hates the Boss. I don't know how the Boss offended him.
On the way back, Pei Cangyu didn't say a word. His face and ears were red the whole way. He kept his legs pressed together and didn't look at me.
I understood; I'm a normal person. He was radiating an aura of "I'm going home to masturbate." I drove a bit faster. No need to thank me, Pei Cangyu.
I parked the car. He jumped out, gave me a hurried wave, and dashed upstairs.
I lit a cigarette downstairs and looked at his window. The lights never came on.
He would go inside, not even having time to turn on the lights. He would collapse as soon as he entered, lying on the floor with his face pressed against the wood. In the darkness, he would pull off his clothes, arching his neck and spreading his legs, his bare feet pressing against the cold floor. He’d probably cry, wouldn't he? Maybe he’d cry—damp, soft, a sticky mess, all hazy.
At this rate, we might have to buy him a dildo later.
I finished my cigarette and tossed it out the window.
Then I drove away.
***
**Glossary**
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