"I stopped caring a long time ago."
"She’s nothing but a despicable liar."
On the lectern, the teacher was explaining concepts that Zong Yan had already mastered. She had even scored full marks on the exams for this course previously, yet she sat upright, showing no sign of inattention.
Her pen moved across the pages, marking key points, though she would occasionally pause mid-stroke.
Zong Yan was sitting directly behind Si Jiang.
Since their eyes had met, Si Jiang’s posture hadn't changed much. His broad back was pulled taut, and his silver-gray hair looked as rigid as set concrete. His entire body seemed frozen in place.
Zong Yan gripped her pen, her gaze lingering on his neck. It was bare; nothing was there. She lowered her eyes and looked away.
Halfway through the lecture, Si Jiang suddenly bolted upright from his seat.
Every eye in the room snapped toward him. The rhythm of the lesson was instantly shattered.
The teacher looked up, confused. "Si Jiang?"
With a grim expression, Si Jiang addressed the teacher. "Professor, I need to use the restroom."
"Fine, go ahead," the teacher replied, somewhat exasperated. "In the future, you don't need to announce it. Just slip out the back door. Why all the drama, young man?"
Si Jiang nodded and turned. His eyes locked with Zong Yan’s for a fleeting second. His fists clenched as if he wanted to say something, but Zong Yan remained as calm as ever. It was as if seeing him again had no effect on her at all.
He couldn't hold it in any longer. If he stayed in that room another second, he was certain he would do something he’d regret.
His pace quickened from a walk to a near-sprint as he burst out of the classroom and headed for the restroom at the end of the hall.
"Ugh..."
He clutched the fabric over his chest, dry-heaving violently.
Zong Yan... Zong Yan.
The mere thought of that name, the mere image of that face, made his head spin. He felt as though he were suffocating.
Before he had been sent abroad, he had searched everywhere for a trace of her. He had managed to escape the hospital with great difficulty and rushed to the university, only to be told by the registrar's office that she had taken a leave of absence.
When he finally tracked down the place where he had lived for nearly a year, he realized what it truly was—a derelict, unfinished building.
He had charged into the familiar stairwell, intent on pounding on the door and demanding to know why that woman had abandoned him, only to find that every trace of their life together had been erased.
Only construction workers were there, staring at him in confusion.
In a daze, Si Jiang had lunged forward, trying to stop the workers from clearing out the remaining debris. A physical altercation had broken out.
"Who gave you permission to touch the things here? Get out!"
"Who are you? The owner said we could clear it all out. What's it to you? If you're not supposed to be here, please leave!"
"Get out! You're the ones who should get out! Don't touch them with your filthy hands!"
In the heat of the struggle, Si Jiang—who hadn't eaten properly in days—collapsed.
When he woke up, he was back in the hospital. Chen Bai was looking at him with an expression that was hard to describe, as if he were looking at a stranger.
"Si Jiang, you've really gone mad."
Si Jiang ignored him, still clamoring to be discharged. He had to find her.
Chen Bai asked him who exactly he was looking for.
But Si Jiang couldn't utter the name. He simply ripped the IV needle from his hand and tried to get out of bed again.
"Have you had enough?"
Chen Bai stepped aside, and Si Jiang’s parents finally arrived at the hospital. They spoke to him, but he didn't answer. He only repeated one sentence like a mantra: "I have to find her. She said she wouldn't treat me like this..."
"Master wouldn't abandon me."
The doctors suggested he might be suffering from a mental breakdown. His parents had him transferred to the psychiatric ward, instructing the hospital that they didn't care what methods were used—they wanted to know what had happened within a month, and they wanted a "normal" Si Jiang back.
Si Jiang was unyielding. No matter who came or how they tried to coax information out of him, he simply clutched the pendant around his neck and refused to speak.
Eventually, the hospital ran out of options and decided to use electroconvulsive therapy.
During those endless sessions of agony, every time the name "Zong Yan" crossed his mind, the electric current would make his body convulse, tearing his psyche apart.
Until one day, his collar was taken away.
Si Jiang had trashed everything in his hospital room. He had grabbed the doctor by the throat, demanding to know where his things were.
No one answered him.
That night, he used a shard of glass to slash his wrists.
*Don't think about it anymore, Si Jiang.*
His fingers dug into the flesh of his chest. The veins in his neck bulged, and his eyes were bloodshot from vomiting.
*It's all in the past, Si Jiang.*
He turned on the faucet, the sound of rushing water drowning out the noises coming from his throat. But it couldn't drown out the mocking whispers in his ear.
"Si Jiang, she didn't die after all."
"She's doing just fine. She's even in a relationship. She's forgotten all about you."
"There's no other reason. She just threw you away."
"She discarded you."
the voice in his head grew louder and more manic, making his temples feel like they were about to explode.
Si Jiang punched the wall, growling under his breath, "Shut up!"
His chest heaved. Sweat dripped from his chin into his collar. Every breath felt like he was inhaling fire.
"Shut up."
He straightened his body and coldly withdrew his injured hand.
"I stopped caring a long time ago."
"She’s nothing but a despicable liar."
***
There was only one class that morning. Zong Yan packed her things, preparing to head back for lunch.
Si Jiang never returned.
She cast a brief glance at the empty seat before silently walking out of the classroom. As she reached the corner of the hallway, her phone rang.
The caller ID read "Bai Mao."
Zong Yan’s expression softened as she answered. "Hello?"
"Hey, Senior," a slightly weak, youthful voice came from the other end.
"How are you? Feeling any better?" Zong Yan asked with concern.
"I've been on an IV at the hospital all day. I'm much better now," Bai Mao answered dutifully before immediately pivoting. "Senior, how was class today? Are your classmates easy to get along with? No one gave you a hard time, did they?"
He was terrified that another scumbag like Li Jie might appear.
"They're all quite nice," Zong Yan said, her voice carrying a hint of warmth. "You're still worried about me? Take care of your own health first."
"Sigh, my child, I've worried myself sick over you, and yet you think I'm nagging. My heart is breaking~" On the other end of the line, Bai Mao began to sing in a high-pitched, theatrical voice. Though he lacked his usual strength, he was full of energy.
His mood was infectious, and Zong Yan couldn't help but smile.
"I'll bring you some food in a bit. If you're tired, go to sleep first."
"Okay!" Bai Mao chirped happily. "Senior, I want noodles."
"No. Only congee."
"Waaaaah..." The boy let out a pitiful whine. "Fine. But after I'm better, you have to take me out for Chongqing spicy noodles."
"Okay." Zong Yan didn't refuse. "I'm hanging up now. I'll be there in half an hour."
"Mm-hmm. I'll be waiting for you at home."
She put her phone away, shaking her head with a touch of helplessness. When she looked up, Si Jiang was standing a short distance away. He was expressionless; there was no telling how long he had been standing there.
Zong Yan gave him a polite nod. Her eyes swept over his neck one last time before she walked past him.
"Disgusting."
As they brushed past each other, she thought she heard Si Jiang’s voice. It was dripping with loathing.
***
Bai Mao rolled around on his bed, clutching his phone, until a sharp cramp in his stomach forced him to lie still.
Remembering something, he quickly opened his phone to check the class group chat. As expected, people were already teasing him.
"Someone's 'Senior' certainly lives up to the hype."
"With an aura that unique, no wonder someone talks about her every day."
"I wonder when someone will finally manage to win her over."
Bai Mao’s face flushed hot. He quickly scanned the member list. When he didn't see a familiar name, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Stop making fun of me, guys. Luckily, Senior hasn't joined the group yet."
"Hahaha, Maomao is shy."
"You weren't this shy when you snuck into our group chat back then."
Bai Mao’s social anxiety flared up. He dropped his phone onto his face, unwilling to chat further.
No one noticed that a new member had joined the group right after class ended. They had yet to say a word.
*That's good. It seems like everyone likes Senior.* Bai Mao felt a sense of relief.
He was truly afraid that she would encounter campus bullying again, which might affect the recovery she had worked so hard for.
Even though time had passed, he still remembered what happened that day.
On his birthday, the sudden change in Zong Yan’s expression had been harrowing. Although she claimed she was fine, Bai Mao wasn't an idiot; he could feel that something grave had happened to her.
He didn't dare ask too directly, so for several days, he tried to check in on her via WeChat. As expected, she rarely replied.
Unable to suppress his worry, he decided to go look for her. He ended up overhearing everything outside the registrar's office. He had been stunned by Zong Yan’s outburst; when she left the office, she hadn't noticed him at all.
Bai Mao could only follow her from a distance, unsure of how to approach her. Then, in a momentary lapse of attention, she vanished from his sight.
He searched frantically, but he wasn't familiar with the area and felt like a headless fly.
Eventually, the sound of a dog barking drew him toward a small path. He saw a yellow stray dog pacing back and forth. When the dog saw him, it bolted down the path toward the riverbank. Bai Mao followed.
There, he saw a familiar old backpack sitting on the shore.
Before he could process what was happening, he spotted a pair of shoes.
In that instant, Bai Mao’s mind went blank. He lost all ability to think.
By the time the ambulance arrived, he helped lift Zong Yan onto the stretcher and followed them to the hospital. Clutching her backpack, he sat on a bench outside the emergency room, suddenly trembling with delayed terror.
*Senior... tried to kill herself?*
A nurse came out of the emergency room and asked what his relationship was to the patient. She asked if he could find her ID or contact her family; they needed someone to sign a critical condition notice.
Bai Mao shook his head blankly. He thought she was an orphan.
The nurse frowned and went back inside.
He stood there like a fool, then began rummaging through Zong Yan’s backpack. He found a pile of strange items inside, but eventually, he found her ID in a hidden compartment, along with her phone.
The screen was flashing incessantly, showing countless missed calls from the same person. The phone was ringing again.
Bai Mao hesitantly answered. A woman’s urgent voice immediately blared from the speaker: "Zong Yan! What the hell are you doing? Why aren't you answering?"
"What was that WeChat message supposed to mean? What do you mean you transferred all your money to me and want me to pay off the loans? 'Thank you for taking care of me, I'll repay the rest of the debt in the next life'?! Are you trying to scare me to death, you brat?!"
"Hello? Zong Yan! Say something, damn it!"
As Bai Mao listened, tears welled up in his eyes. He let out a loud, jagged sob.
"Zong Yan... Senior Zong Yan... she jumped into the river. She's in the hospital being resuscitated—"
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 烂尾楼 | derelict building / unfinished building | Literally "rotten-tail building," referring to abandoned construction projects. |
| 电击疗法 | electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) | Also known as electric shock therapy. |
| 急性肠胃炎 | acute gastroenteritis | The medical condition Bai Mao is suffering from. |
| 重庆小面 | Chongqing spicy noodles | A famous spicy noodle dish from Chongqing. |
| i人 | i-person | Slang derived from MBTI (Introverted), used to describe someone socially anxious or introverted. |
| 病危通知书 | critical condition notice | A formal medical document notifying family that a patient is in a life-threatening state. |
