Watching a movie.
Zong Yan was suddenly reminded of a certain night. The generator had hummed incessantly, and only a single lamp had been lit in the room. Beside them stood an electric heater, casting a warm, orange glow.
She and Si Jiang had leaned against each other, shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg, their fingers occasionally brushing against one another. In a derelict, unfinished building that no one cared about, two souls—worlds apart yet equally lonely—had once leaned on each other in silence.
She remembered they were watching a horror film.
The protagonist and her companions had boarded a ship, and strange occurrences began to happen one after another. The atmosphere of the film was well-crafted; it was likely a highly-rated work. However, Zong Yan felt no fear as she watched. She viewed it merely as a man-made drama, occasionally trying to predict the plot's development or searching for the director’s ingenuity hidden within a fleeting shot.
As the female lead stared in terror at a translucent door, a dark shadow slowly began to spread across it.
Zong Yan wondered: *Who is it? The captain, or...*
Suddenly, the person beside her let out a sharp, terrified yelp.
Her right arm was gripped violently.
She turned her head to see that Si Jiang, at some point, had become so frightened that his face was slick with cold sweat. His pupils were trembling, and he didn't dare look at the screen again.
Zong Yan was silent for a moment. "Wasn't this the movie you wanted to watch?"
She found it baffling. How could he be scared to this extent?
Si Jiang gave a couple of awkward laughs. Under the dim, amber light, the gaze he turned toward her was incredibly submissive. "The more I'm afraid, the more I want to watch. Luckily, I have Master to watch it with me. If I were with anyone else, I’d have to force myself to stay calm."
After saying this, he added with surprise, "Master, aren't you scared at all? This movie has a rating of over eight."
Zong Yan shook her head.
She felt that the countless things she had witnessed in real life were far more terrifying than any cinematic story.
High-swinging clubs, rusted iron cages, shattering beer bottles, the screams of women and the roars of men, and those predatory glares from not far away...
Si Jiang fell silent.
His fingers quietly hooked around Zong Yan’s wrist.
"Master, hold onto me from now on."
"If anyone tries to hurt you, just stand behind me."
"Let me go and bite them."
In any case, he, Si Jiang, feared nothing in this world—except being abandoned or ignored.
***
Time returned to the present.
Seeing Zong Yan staring at her phone without speaking, Bai Mao caught a curious glimpse. "Senior, what’s wrong? Who sent the message?"
The movie poster was displayed on the screen.
His eyes lit up the moment he saw it.
"Ah! It’s Director Charles’s new work!"
"Senior, do you want to see this movie too? After you finish work, let’s go together. There’s a screening tonight."
The boy’s lively, spirited face leaned in between her and the phone. Zong Yan could only see his fluffy, messy curls. Beneath the hair, his fair, slender neck looked like frost-covered branches in winter, and he smiled at her with utter harmlessness.
His back was turned to the world without a shred of defense, always open and honest. Even if Zong Yan were to pinch the back of his neck right now, Bai Mao would likely just let out a soft cry and turn around curiously, blinking his clever, cat-like eyes as he asked with a smile, "Senior, what are you doing? That tickles."
He would never imagine that Zong Yan could harbor any ill intent.
In his heart, Zong Yan was like a cool breeze under a bright moon; even if she were momentarily obscured by dark clouds, she remained radiant.
But Zong Yan wondered: *Am I really that good of a person?*
She had not forgotten those days in the derelict building.
She had imprisoned a man, feeding off his pain and helplessness to survive. She had used his morbid dependency as spiritual nourishment, raising a human being as if he were a pet.
She had even engaged in a physical relationship with that pet.
Academic achievements could not make her smile; she was supposed to achieve those things. Her talent at work only caused her slight surprise, making her feel fortunate to have found a better way to make money.
However, seeing a man who was once high and mighty, proud and arrogant, bowing his back and kneeling before her—wailing because of her, exposing his vulnerability without reservation, allowing her to ride roughshod over him and vent everything upon him...
That was the first time Zong Yan had ever truly felt pleasure.
The woman she was in those moments was an entirely different person from the one in Bai Mao’s eyes.
Her dark secrets and twisted desires were all hidden away in that tiny room.
Only one person had ever seen them.
Zong Yan raised her hand and placed it on the back of Bai Mao's head.
"Alright. Let's go see it tonight."
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
查尔斯 | Charles | A film director mentioned in the text.
主人 | Master | The term Si Jiang uses for Zong Yan, reflecting their specific power dynamic.
烂尾楼 | Derelict building / Unfinished building | Refers to the abandoned construction site where Zong Yan and Si Jiang stayed.
