After saying his goodbyes to everyone, Zhang Jin’an returned to the hotel with Li Qiang. On the way back, Li Qiang finally asked about what had happened, and Zhang Jin’an gave him a brief summary.
As he drove, Li Qiang asked, "So you’re really going to repost it?"
"Yeah," Zhang Jin’an nodded, clutching his phone in the passenger seat. "I promised them. A man has to be as good as his word."
Li Qiang chuckled. "Fair enough. I bet your fan groups are going to explode once you post it."
Zhang Jin’an looked at his phone. "They already have."
"You already did it?" Li Qiang was a bit surprised. He glanced over. "That was fast."
"How long does it take to hit repost? It’s been done for a while," Zhang Jin’an yawned, turned off his phone, and rested it on his lap. "I’m going to catch some shut-eye."
"Go ahead," Li Qiang said.
Zhang Jin’an leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.
Once they reached the hotel, Zhang Jin’an took a shower and collapsed onto the bed; he truly didn't want to move a single muscle. After reading his script for a while, he checked the latest update from the author Tuan Yuan.
In Tuan Yuan’s latest chapter, the fictional "Jiang Siyang" had made up his mind and begun his pursuit of "Zhang Jin’an," trying to win him over through various small gestures.
It was the exact opposite of his own reality. If the real Jiang Siyang treated him like that, he would have said yes without a second thought.
Unfortunately, it was just a novel.
In the past, he hadn't experienced these feelings himself, so when he read the story, he only thought the prose was beautiful without truly empathizing. Now that he was going through it, he realized Tuan Yuan’s portrayal of a secret crush was incredibly spot-on. Every word pierced right through his heart.
*【A person's eyes can speak; they hide the world's emotions, yet pick out one or two to display for others. Everyone marvels at the light in his eyes, unaware that it is the sincere love of someone who has fallen deep.*
*"What do you like about him?"*
*Jiang Siyang had been asked this more than once, but this time was slightly different—the person in question was present.*
*"I like his acting, I like how friendly he is with everyone..." These were empty words, applicable to anyone, but they were also the safest answers.*
*After Jiang Siyang finished his answer, the host said, "Alright, thank you, Jiang Siyang."*
*As Jiang Siyang sat back down, he saw Zhang Jin’an flash him a smile.*
*It looked exactly like that smiling face he had seen at the airport when they first met.*
*I truly hope that amidst the steady flow of the passing years, you can still remember the faces we wore when we first met.*
*And I truly hope you know that my burning passion for you remains unchanging, from the past into eternity.】*
From that point on, Zhang Jin’an grew more and more invested as he read. Finally, when he saw "Jiang Siyang" nervously chatting with "Zhang Jin’an" in private, he cursed out loud in a fit of pique, "Zhang Jin’an, are you a total blockhead? You can't even tell after all that? Are you waiting for him to write 'let's date' on his forehead?"
Only after he finished his grumbling did Zhang Jin’an realize he had gotten way too carried away by the story. He shut his mouth and finished the rest in silence.
After finishing the chapter, Zhang Jin’an let out a long sigh. He checked the time and saw it was nearly ten o'clock, so he opened WeChat.
Zhang Jin’an remembered Jiang Siyang’s schedule for today. He didn't have many scenes; even with delays, he should have finished by nine. Jiang Siyang would definitely see a message sent now.
Zhang Jin’an confidently typed out a few words, but he ended up waiting a full half-hour before the other party replied with a "What's up?"
While waiting, Zhang Jin’an had been trying to read his script, but he hadn't actually processed a single line. He would glance at his phone every few minutes.
The moment the notification popped up, Zhang Jin’an bolted upright. The feeling was more exhilarating than scoring a goal in a soccer match.
This was probably what a one-sided crush felt like.
Zhang Jin’an replied instantly.
[Zhang Jin’an]: Finished for the day?
[Jiang Siyang]: Not yet, probably going to be a while longer.
"A while longer?" Zhang Jin’an muttered.
Had he remembered the time wrong?
Impossible. He had asked Tang Shang about the schedule; Director Tang wouldn't be wrong.
Thinking this, Zhang Jin’an sent another message.
[Zhang Jin’an]: Didn't you only have four shots today? Why aren't you done yet?
[Jiang Siyang]: That was the original plan.
[Jiang Siyang]: But something happened today, so my scenes were changed. I had to do two extra ones.
Seeing the word "happened," Zhang Jin’an’s brow furrowed. He knew Tang Shang; unless it was something major, the director wouldn't change the day's filming plan. After so many days, everyone had developed a certain level of chemistry; they wouldn't mess up badly enough to require a change in scenes.
Eliminating the possibilities, only one answer remained.
Someone had been hurt.
At the thought that there was a chance it was Jiang Siyang, Zhang Jin’an grew anxious. Without thinking, he hit the voice call button.
The call was picked up within two seconds. Jiang Siyang was clearly surprised; his voice was a bit loud at first before he lowered it. "What's wrong... can you hear me?"
Hearing that Jiang Siyang’s voice sounded normal, Zhang Jin’an relaxed slightly.
"I can hear you," Zhang Jin’an softened his tone, trying his best not to let his anxiety show. "What happened?"
"Ah, it’s just... wait a second," Jiang Siyang went quiet. Zhang Jin’an waited patiently, faintly hearing the sound of conversation. A few seconds later, Jiang Siyang returned. "It’s just that something happened with Xiao Ge, so I swapped scenes with her."
"What happened to her?" Zhang Jin’an asked.
"Her dad fell down the stairs and fractured his leg. No one else was home, so she took the afternoon off to go back and see him. After she talked to Director Tang, she came to find me and Yuan Yuan," Jiang Siyang thought for a moment. "She didn't want to bother too many people, so she didn't mention it in the group chat."
No wonder he hadn't seen Ge Xianxu say anything in the group.
Then again, Ge Xianxu was the quiet, gentle type; it was normal for her not to make a fuss.
"How is her father now?" Zhang Jin’an asked.
"I'm not sure, but she said she'd come back as soon as things are settled," Jiang Siyang said. "You could tell she was really worried; her eyes were red."
Zhang Jin’an nodded. "Anyone would be worried." *As long as you're okay.*
Zhang Jin’an didn't say that last part out loud.
He followed up with, "How long until you start filming?"
"In about," Jiang Siyang paused, "four or five minutes."
After a few seconds of silence, Zhang Jin’an asked, "...Are you wearing headphones?"
"Why? Is it not clear?" Jiang Siyang asked.
Zhang Jin’an shook his head. "No, it's very clear."
"That's good. I was afraid it would be too noisy, so I'm holding the phone close to talk."
So he was speaking right into the microphone.
No wonder.
No wonder he could hear the slight sound of breathing after every sentence.
Zhang Jin’an loved this feeling far too much; it was as if Jiang Siyang were whispering secrets right into his ear.
If Jiang Siyang ever recorded ASMR, Zhang Jin’an would absolutely support him with both hands—and he’d probably ask the production team for ten copies to listen to on loop every day.
"Ge, what about you? How was your variety recording today?"
"It was good," Zhang Jin’an looked up at the ceiling. "The atmosphere was great, pretty interesting... Oh, after the recording, I ran into a few fans. One of them was the person who edited my birthday tribute video."
Jiang Siyang let out a long "Oh." "That's the one you just reposted, right? It was edited beautifully. Your fans are really dedicated."
"Mhm, mhm." Zhang Jin’an forced down the corners of his mouth which were threatening to curl into a wild grin. He only cared about one thing. "You saw my Weibo?"
"I did," Jiang Siyang said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I saw it yesterday, too."
Before, this would have been the most ordinary thing imaginable. But once the keyword "love" was added, nothing ordinary remained ordinary. These moments were gilded with golden light; they were the stepping stones leading toward his destination.
Zhang Jin’an allowed himself to smile. "Okay, then... you get back to work. I'll hang up now so you can get back to filming."
"Okay. Get some sleep, Ge. Goodnight."
"See you tomorrow," Zhang Jin’an replied.
Zhang Jin’an hung up the phone. After sitting dazed on the bed for a moment, he opened Weibo and typed out a sentence.
[@ZhangJin’an]: Today is a good day; everything I wished for came true.
Fans beneath the post began guessing wildly. Some thought he had leveled up in a game, some thought he had won a lucky draw, and others thought his show recording had gone well. They speculated about all sorts of things, liking and replying to each other's comments.
Zhang Jin’an scanned the comments. Not a single person guessed that he was this happy because of a single conversation.
Indeed. Who could have imagined he was harboring a secret crush? He could hardly believe it himself.
Zhang Jin’an turned off the light, put his script in the drawer, and lay down. Hotel pillows were always soft—so soft they felt like they were wrapping around you.
A secret crush might be painful, but the joy it brought far outweighed the pain. Just like now—even a small thing could make him this happy, making the day's fatigue vanish instantly.
If someone were to ask him in the future if he regretted pining for Jiang Siyang for so long...
He would answer with absolute certainty that he didn't regret it one bit. Even if he didn't know what the future held, when it came to liking Jiang Siyang, he didn't care about the future or the present.
He just liked him. He liked him very much. So much that even if Jiang Siyang never ended up with him, he would still like him.
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
张尽桉 | Zhang Jin'an | Protagonist, a famous actor.
李强 | Li Qiang | Zhang Jin'an's assistant/manager.
江似扬 | Jiang Siyang | The love interest, also an actor.
团圆 | Tuan Yuan | The pen name of the fanfiction author (literally means "Reunion").
唐尚 | Tang Shang | The director of the project they are filming.
葛纤绪 | Ge Xianxu | A supporting actress on set (referred to as Xiao Ge).
袁媛 | Yuan Yuan | Another supporting actress on set.
微博 | Weibo | A major Chinese social media platform.
憨批 | Hanpi | Slang for "idiot" or "blockhead," often used colloquially.
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Unable to be Arrogant [Entertainment Circle] | Chapter 83 | The Joy of a Crush | Novela.app | Novela.app
