She said her name was Zhang Jiaojiao.
Upon hearing this, Shen Yan nodded and looked at her intently. "You certainly are *jiao*—delicate."
She curled her lips into a faint smirk and let out a soft huff. "It’s the *jiao* from 'proud.'"
Charming, rebellious, and radiant.
Then she asked, "You’re Shen Yan?"
Shen Yan nodded. Zhang Jiaojiao sighed with a smile. "My brother said you were a pretty honest, straight-laced guy. But listening to you talk, why do I feel like that’s not the case?"
Shen Yan was stunned.
Zhang Jiaojiao laughed. "My brother bet me that I’d definitely take a liking to you, but that I wouldn’t be able to land you."
Shen Yan’s mouth twitched.
Ignoring whether he would respond or not, Zhang Jiaojiao continued, "But I think he lost."
Shen Yan looked up, his eyes clouded like a mist. "Why?"
"Finally, a reaction?" Zhang Jiaojiao laughed, flicking a lock of hair that hung over her chest. "Because—"
She leaned forward with an air of mock mystery. "He got the first half right. I’ve taken a liking to you. Yes, love at first sight."
Zhang Jiaojiao was beaming, looking just like the Pink Lady cocktail in front of her.
Shen Yan’s pulse suddenly throbbed at his temples.
"I, Zhang Jiaojiao, never do unrequited love. If I set my sights on someone, they must have me in their heart."
She smiled like the stinging sun outside, pouring through the stained glass and splashing over Shen Yan without a shred of reason.
That was how the story began.
To be honest, in the beginning, Shen Yan found Zhang Jiaojiao quite annoying.
She had a self-righteous confidence and a lack of tact that led her to pester him constantly.
In this regard, she was far inferior to Lin Jiang.
Childhood sweethearts share a bond where no suspicion exists; Lin Jiang could always guess his moods, reacting a split second before his emotions even shifted. Lin Jiang was proud too, but her pride wasn't noisy; it was a grounded, quiet strength.
But not Zhang Jiaojiao.
She had a peculiar fondness for lame jokes.
Once, she asked, "Do you know there are only two kinds of people in the world who can't swim?"
Shen Yan asked, "Who?"
Zhang Jiaojiao grinned. "Your mom and me."
Shen Yan caught the reference instantly. He saw her looking at him expectantly, but so what? He would only ever save Li Jing.
She would always call him at two in the morning to ask if he wanted to go to some underground rave. She would call him during his meetings just to say, "Baby brother, I miss you." She also loved spraying all sorts of messy perfumes on him, claiming that people in love must share the same scent.
The worst was one time when she suddenly showed up at his company dinner. She shamelessly threw her arm around his shoulders to flaunt their relationship. Afterward, he couldn't even stay angry, because she would just cling to him and ask, "I'm so devoted to you, aren't you touched?"
Shen Yan had lived for twenty-five years and never knew that being "touched" could make someone want to swear so badly.
But what could he do?
He had brought this on himself.
If it weren't for Lin Jiang, Shen Yan was certain he would never have such a good temper.
Yet, it wasn't as if this girl was entirely without merit.
Otherwise, why would her toes curl in delight and her cheeks puff out with a smile when she ate the instant noodles he made?
Li Jing had once said that girls who maintain a passion for food always carry more light in their hearts.
Then there was that time after he learned Lin Jiang and Jiang Weifeng were together. He went out drinking with his buddies and didn't return until two in the morning, only to find her waiting at his door.
Shen Yan was stunned at first, but once he processed it, he felt a surge of immense irritation. She hadn't gotten angry after waiting five hours, yet he was the one scolding her. But she was strange; even as he yelled fiercely, she only lowered her eyes and bit her lip. Then, she fished his keys out of his coat pocket and helped him into the house.
He was a mess that night—vomiting, crying, and suffering from stomach pain. To his surprise, she took care of him all night.
Wasn't she supposed to be a pampered lady who never lifted a finger? Yet, this young miss had looked after him until dawn.
The next day, while he still had a splitting headache from the lingering effects of the alcohol, she dragged him to her "secret base."
It was just a dilapidated tire factory.
There, her habit of being a chatterbox flared up again.
She talked about how her mother had passed away years ago and how hard her father had worked to raise her. When she reached the emotional peak of the story, her voice even choked up a bit.
But Shen Yan didn't react much. The moment he heard the name "Zhang Juntao," he thought of the bitterness in Lin Jiang's heart. If Lin Jiang's heart was bitter, his was too.
Then, as if sensing his low spirits, she turned her face to him and asked, "Shen Yan, do you ever blush?"
And before he could react, she shamelessly leaned in and kissed him.
Thinking back on it now, Shen Yan could still remember being as stiff as a stone, but he also remembered vividly how fast his heart had been racing.
Sometimes Shen Yan even wondered if she was messing with him on purpose.
Otherwise, why did he find her so annoying while simultaneously being unable to bring himself to be mean to her?
Was it because of his "mission" that he had to pretend, that he had to be good to her?
But if that were the case, why did he worry every day about her messages suddenly popping up on his phone? If more than half an hour passed without a peep from her, he would frequently check his phone, open WeChat, find her avatar, look at the unchanging chat history, and then check if she had updated her Moments.
Zhang Jiaojiao had asked him why he never showed off their relationship or liked her posts.
Shen Yan said: "Childish."
Hearing that, Zhang Jiaojiao just stared at him and smiled.
Zhang Jiaojiao had a sort of "fragile, sickly beauty" about her. Whenever she smiled like that, Shen Yan felt his scalp go numb.
Later, when she found out he had only approached her because of Zhang Juntao, she smiled the same way. She looked at him and asked if he had played enough.
Shen Yan clearly shouldn't have felt any guilt; after all, he had done plenty of mental preparation before everything started.
But when her tears fell, Shen Yan’s heart grew damp as well.
Shen Yan had been upright and vigorous since childhood, like a tree that always grew straight and tall. But Zhang Jiaojiao seemed to be an unexpected branch that had sprouted out, which he had allowed to grow until it became a part of his very being.
Later, she asked him, "Did you ever love me?"
Shen Yan couldn't answer.
But she was far more open and honest than him. She said, "I love you, Shen Yan."
Shen Yan couldn't say a word; even opening his mouth felt like a monumental struggle.
She kept saying:
"I took a liking to you from the very beginning because you aren't 'honest.' The more serious a person seems, the less honest they truly are."
"I don't blame you, Shen Yan. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, because I actually love you even more now."
"You're so dull, Shen Yan. That day I asked you, 'Don't men have sexual fantasies about the girls they like?' I asked, 'Do you feel that way about me?' You said 'Don't talk nonsense' with such a straight face, but after you said it, you actually swallowed... Do you know how much you charm me?"
"No, it's not charm. It's purity."
"Shen Yan, what I like is your purity."
"In this day and age, there are still people who would deliberately approach someone with such calculated intent. Don't you think that's actually very pure?"
"..."
Shen Yan had fled in a panic.
He had never been so disheveled.
Her few words were already an unbearable weight in his life.
If pain could be categorized into levels, for him, the mildest form of pain was being tired, while the most agonizing was watching Zhang Jiaojiao cry while smiling.
When Shen Yan realized this, he knew he had fallen in love with her.
So, he went to find her.
On the day he left, Lin Jiang came to see him off. They didn't say much, but on the plane, he wrote a short letter to her.
The letter began like this:
*Lin Jiang, I must tell you that I once loved you.*
*Because at this very moment, I no longer do.*
Japan has Mount Fuji. Eason Chan has a song called "Under Mount Fuji." The first time Shen Yan heard Lin Jiang sing, it was that song. She sang Cantonese songs beautifully, but Shen Yan’s favorite was "Seven Friends."
The songs Zhang Jiaojiao liked were never those hesitant, lingering Cantonese tracks.
She liked hip-hop; she could even rap a bit herself.
She liked clubbing and always danced with a provocative sway. Don't mind the word—when applied to Zhang Jiaojiao, it was always a compliment. She simply had that "pure yet sensual" aura, the kind that Shen Yan found himself unable to resist.
Finding her wasn't difficult.
Shen Yan had met Zhang Jiaojiao’s cousin in university and they had stayed in touch. When Shen Yan asked him for her contact information, the cousin said, "If this doesn't have a happy ending, you just wait!"
"You just wait"—those three words didn't leave much to the imagination.
But Shen Yan still made a solemn promise: "I won't hurt her again."
Because he loved her.
When Shen Yan said this to Zhang Jiaojiao, she cried and then laughed. Then she slapped him and said, "Get lost."
How could Shen Yan possibly leave? He had dropped everything to come here; he had to ask her, no matter what—
"Do you still love me?"
Zhang Jiaojiao had her back turned, but her shoulders visibly stiffened at his words. Then she turned around and cursed at him, "Are you a pig? Why else would I be crying? What do you think?"
Shen Yan felt that if he didn't kiss her right then, he wouldn't be a man.
So he pulled her into his arms and gave her the most skillful kiss of his life.
Skillful, naturally, because it was a genuine outpouring of emotion. And since it was genuine, a single kiss was bound to be insufficient.
Later, the night was full of tenderness.
Afterward, he looked at Zhang Jiaojiao’s face as if he could never see enough of her.
Even someone as bold as Zhang Jiaojiao couldn't withstand such a gaze.
She covered her face, not daring to look at him.
Shen Yan laughed and asked her:
"Do you ever blush?"
Zhang Jiaojiao laughed at that.
It turned out he wasn't the only one who could blush.
***
**Attached Letter:**
TO Lin Jiang:
Lin Jiang, I must tell you that I once loved you.
Because at this very moment, I no longer do.
Right now, I am flying to another country. My love is there. Before we parted, you told me to be happy.
Actually, that is exactly what I want to say to you.
Lin Jiang, perhaps an unrequited crush doesn't count as romance, but I still consider you my first love.
Do you remember? When we were little, we stole some ice cream to eat. Afraid of being caught, we hid in Aunt Juan’s wardrobe. The ice cream melted and dripped everywhere, and we tried to wipe it up with Aunt Juan’s clothes. In the end, we just made a bigger mess, and I immediately started crying.
You were afraid I’d keep crying, but your hands were full of ice cream, so you used your mouth to silence me. At the very moment your lips touched mine, Aunt Juan and my mom followed the noise and found us.
When they opened the wardrobe, Aunt Juan let out a sharp scream.
I don't know if she was mourning her Chanel dress covered in ice cream, or if it was because she saw two little kids kissing.
It was also that time my mom said, "Since you kissed the little girl, you have to marry her."
Back then, I thought my mom meant that "marrying you" meant we could "be together every day."
One Saturday morning, I put on a suit and leather shoes, tied my little bowtie, and went to find you. To make it more ceremonial, while I was waiting by the door, I secretly took a rose from the vase on your dining table.
I asked if you were willing to marry me. You were in your pajamas, rubbing your eyes as you thought about it, and then said okay.
Then you said: "Just a rose isn't enough. There has to be a ring; that's how it is on TV."
But I didn't have a ring. So, I took a can of Sprite from your fridge, opened it, gave you the pull-tab, and drank all the Sprite myself.
Thinking back on it now, we were so childish when we were young.
But it was also so wonderful.
Later, as we grew up, the busy schoolwork meant we weren't as close as we were as children. You were no longer that little girl who would come tell on the boys for pulling your braids so I could go fight them.
You had more on your mind, and you had friends better suited for your confidences.
And all I could do was study hard.
My dad said that only when a man is capable can he give the person he loves a good future.
So, I lost myself in my work, striving to be the best.
During the hardest times in high school, I would stick slogans on my desk. Every goal I set included you; every future I imagined included you.
Looking back now, I want to thank you.
Because of you, I wanted to become a better person.
A good love truly makes one a better person.
To be honest, after I found out you and Jiang Weifeng were together...
I was incredibly miserable. That misery didn't stem from the fact that "you and I would never happen," but rather from the sudden realization that I didn't know how to *not* love you. Because for so many years, silently liking you had been the thing I’d done the longest; it had become my habit.
That day, I went out and drank a lot. I even acted like a drunken fool for the first time.
Pretty silly, right? Haha. But I know you won't laugh at me. In fact, maybe you're already crying as you read this line.
Don't cry, Lin Jiang.
Just like the lyrics say: I don't regret loving you; I respect the end of the story.
Lin Jiang, I am currently on a long journey.
I decided to be honest with you, and this decision has brought an immense peace to my heart.
I know that only by saying all of this to you can a period be placed at the end of our story. Only then can I love Jiaojiao purely, openly, and wholeheartedly.
And saying all of this is the only thing I can do for the Shen Yan of the past.
I still remember the summer break after the Gaokao. One day we went to eat hot pot together. After we finished, I went to get my bike while you waited in the shade by the restaurant entrance.
When I rode over and told you to get on, I called you several times but you didn't respond. Following your gaze, I saw Jiang Weifeng and Shitou smoking in front of the pool hall across the street.
There was a deep sense of regret and powerlessness in your eyes. At the time, I didn't understand your emotions. I even asked you bluntly, "Isn't that Jiang Weifeng? Why are you staring at him?"
You were like a startled rabbit. When you snapped out of it, you hurriedly said, "I was just spacing out. I didn't even notice Jiang Weifeng was there until you said something."
I actually believed you back then.
But remembering it now, the way you looked at him was so similar to the way I looked at you.
Lin Jiang, if I’m not mistaken, Jiang Weifeng is indeed the person you’ve loved for many years.
So, since you are together now, cherish it.
I think he will treat you well. If he doesn't, I will still stand up for you just like when we were kids.
Lin Jiang, I’ll stop here.
Finally, I sincerely wish you happiness.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 张骄骄 | Zhang Jiaojiao | A new character; Shen Yan's love interest. Her name uses the character for "proud" (骄). |
| 娇 | Jiao | Delicate, pampered, or charming. |
| 骄 | Jiao | Proud or arrogant. |
| 《富士山下》 | "Under Mount Fuji" | A famous Cantonese song by Eason Chan. |
| 《七友》 | "Seven Friends" | A song by Edmond Leung about being the "perpetual best friend" or "nice guy." |
| 纯欲 | Pure yet sensual | A specific aesthetic/vibe (Chunyu) often used in Chinese fashion/beauty contexts. |
