Su Jingming had not expected Cheng Hui to take the initiative to invite him to dinner, let alone that he would be sitting at the same table as Su Qicheng.
He requested a leave of absence from Teacher Zhou Hong for the evening self-study session, sent a quick word to Wen Yan, and headed home with an expressionless face.
Passing through the long alley felt like stepping back into another lifetime; it had been a long time since he had felt this particular state of mind while heading home for a meal.
He climbed the stairs of the residential building and opened the door.
A waft of cooking aromas rushed toward him—the familiar scents of his memory. It was Cheng Hui’s cooking.
Sitting on the sofa, Su Qicheng looked up and saw Su Jingming. He folded the newspaper in his hand, his face bright with a smile. "Jingming is back. Perfect timing, dinner is almost ready. Go wash your hands; your mother made a lot of things you like."
Su Jingming gave a faint nod. As he passed the dining table and saw the spread of so-called "favorites," he pursed his lips and went to wash his hands without a word.
When he emerged, Cheng Hui was coming out of the kitchen wearing an apron, carrying a dish.
She looked exactly as she did in his memory—gentle, without a single detail out of place. She still favored elegant long skirts and wore her long hair pinned back; even her tone of voice carried that signature softness.
Cheng Hui set the dish on the table and wiped her hands. Her smile deepened when she saw Su Jingming.
"What are you just standing there for? You two, come to the table and eat."
Su Jingming hesitated for a few seconds before taking a seat at the corner of the table.
Su Qicheng walked up behind him and patted his back a few times. Seeing Cheng Hui return to the kitchen, he lowered his voice and said, "It’s rare for your mother to come back and see you. Shouldn't you be a little happier?"
Su Jingming lowered his gaze. Hearing Su Qicheng’s words didn't make him feel particularly joyful. On the contrary, from the moment he had entered the house, the curve of Su Qicheng’s lips hadn't wavered once.
He began to wonder who exactly was the happy one here. And why they were happy.
In years past, Su Jingming had more than once longed for a scene like this. Now that it was actually happening—this picture of domestic harmony—he felt entirely ill at ease.
Cheng Hui piled food onto Su Jingming’s plate. "These are all made to your taste. Eat more. I heard from your father that you’re living in the dorms this semester; school food can’t compare to home cooking."
Su Jingming nodded and ate mechanically.
Seeing him willing to eat, Cheng Hui added even more to his plate.
This time, Su Qicheng opened a bottle of liquor. Seeing the mother and son like this, he spoke up, "You should eat too. The boy is grown; he can feed himself. You’re going to make him feel self-conscious."
Hearing this, Cheng Hui finally suppressed the urge to keep serving him. She gave a sheepish smile. "True, true."
Su Jingming kept his head down and ate, listening to the disjointed conversation between Cheng Hui and Su Qicheng. Their talk was mundane and simple.
"Has your health been better lately? Jingming called me a while ago, and I wanted to come see you, but I was too busy to get away," Cheng Hui said with a faint smile. It had been a long time since she had seen Su Qicheng; seeing him again now, she realized he had aged significantly.
Su Qicheng paused for a moment, then smiled. "I'm better."
Su Jingming flicked his eyes up. As for whether Su Qicheng was actually "better," he truly didn't know. The doctor had only told Su Qicheng to take his medication on time. The father and son hadn't had much contact lately, so he didn't know if Su Qicheng’s other personality would manifest again.
"So, how have Jingming’s studies been lately?" Cheng Hui suddenly turned the topic toward him.
Su Jingming pulled a napkin from the side and wiped his mouth. "They're fine," he said tonelessly.
Cheng Hui’s eyes crinkled at the corners. "It’s okay if you can’t keep up. Students are under too much pressure these days; a setback once or twice doesn't matter."
Su Jingming gave a noncommittal grunt. "I agree. Being first in the grade is too exhausting. Staying second is enough."
Cheng Hui choked slightly at his words. She had assumed that Su Jingming’s grades would have plummeted while living with Su Qicheng, and she had expected him to become just like his father...
Su Jingming didn't interpret her words as genuine concern; instead, they grated on his ears.
Su Qicheng, already slightly tipsy from the alcohol, didn't catch the underlying meaning in Cheng Hui’s words. His eyes were hazy as he gripped his glass. "Cheng Hui, are things... good for you over there?"
Cheng Hui leaving Liang City to remarry had been a massive blow to Su Qicheng.
"Very good. My husband treats me well," Cheng Hui said with a light laugh. "Jingming even has a little sister now."
Su Jingming looked up lazily. He glanced toward Su Qicheng and silently curled his lips. If he wasn't mistaken, the fingers Su Qicheng had wrapped around his glass tightened until the knuckles turned white.
Su Jingming suddenly began to understand the meaning of this dinner.
Cheng Hui was showing off—flaunting her current life while bidding farewell to her old one. It could only be said that no one in this family had changed. Cheng Hui had achieved the life she once yearned for, and she had to tell them she was doing well. Su Qicheng’s love had only intensified over the years; otherwise, he wouldn't have developed a dissociative disorder because of her departure.
Su Qicheng silently downed several gulps of liquor, wine stains lingering at the corner of his mouth. "That’s good, that’s good. Better than staying with me."
The meal had begun with a semblance of liveliness but ended in silence.
Su Jingming quietly cleared the table. Su Qicheng had drunk too much and was passed out on the sofa, while Cheng Hui went to the bathroom to shower.
Everything felt like it used to be years ago, yet the flavor was gone.
In moments like these, Su Jingming always maintained a wall of silence. He didn't know how to communicate with either Cheng Hui or Su Qicheng.
He looked at the sky outside the window and then back at the clock on the wall. It was already eight o'clock. Evening self-study had just begun.
Su Jingming deeply regretted coming back for this meal. It had been tasteless. He couldn't even figure out what he actually liked to eat or what he disliked.
Cheng Hui walked out while drying her hair, wearing a nightgown she had left here years ago. Seeing that Su Jingming had cleaned the dining table and the kitchen, a flash of surprise crossed her eyes.
Su Jingming walked out of the kitchen, his long sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He froze slightly when he saw her outfit.
Cheng Hui said, "I didn't expect this to still be here. It’s a style from many years ago."
Su Jingming nodded. "Mhm." It was a piece of clothing Su Qicheng couldn't bear to throw away, kept perfectly intact in the wardrobe.
Cheng Hui poured two glasses of water and set them on the table. She glanced at the dozing Su Qicheng on the sofa.
"Sit down," she said. "Talk with Mom for a bit?"
Su Jingming pursed his lips but ultimately listened to her.
Cheng Hui took a sip of water, her damp hair draped over her shoulders. Before she could speak, Su Jingming said in a lazy drawl, "You should go dry your hair first."
Since entering the house, Su Jingming hadn't called them "Mom" or "Dad" even once.
Cheng Hui shook her head. "It’s fine. The weather isn't cold."
Su Jingming didn't press the issue. His fingers rested on his glass as he stared blankly at his own reflection in the water.
"About what happened back then..." Cheng Hui started, her voice trailing off as if she didn't know how to continue.
"What about it?" Su Jingming’s tone was calm. His gaze lingered on her for a few seconds before shifting elsewhere.
Cheng Hui gripped her glass. "Mom knows that what happened back then was a huge blow to you."
"It was alright. Not much of a blow," Su Jingming said. "Relatively speaking, the blow to him was much greater."
Hearing him speak so indifferently, Cheng Hui’s face paled. Su Jingming was different from when he was a child, though she couldn't quite put her finger on how. Her son had grown tall, he had become handsome, and his grades were excellent.
But he lacked any sense of human warmth.
Cheng Hui was startled by her own description. As a mother, she actually felt that her son lacked humanity.
Her face grew paler. During the New Year, Su Qicheng had changed the dining room lights to a warm yellow. Under this light, Cheng Hui looked somewhat sickly.
Su Jingming began to feel a twinge of reluctance to be so harsh. Just as he was about to speak, Cheng Hui’s eyes reddened. "Actually, Mom didn't know what to do either. Taking you with me would have only been a burden to you."
"A burden to you, or a burden to me?" Su Jingming lowered his eyelids. The phone in his pocket vibrated several times. Without looking at Cheng Hui’s expression, he pulled it out.
It was a message from Wen Yan.
Little Monster: Have you eaten?
Salted Egg: I have.
Little Monster: What good things did you eat?
Su Jingming paused. He tried to recall what he had just eaten, but he suddenly couldn't remember what any of it tasted like.
Salted Egg: Food!
When Wen Yan saw the message, the emotion flooding his eyes was mostly heartache.
Little Monster: Are you full, then?
Before Su Jingming could reply, Cheng Hui asked, "A girlfriend?"
Su Jingming looked up at her, startled.
Cheng Hui tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, taking in his expression. "You were different just now. You seemed... relaxed."
Su Jingming pulled his phone back. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Is it different from when I'm with you two?"
Cheng Hui couldn't answer.
Just as Su Jingming hadn't been able to answer her earlier question.
The night felt incredibly long. For the first time, Su Jingming felt an oppressive weight within the house. Even hiding in his own room didn't make the feeling dissipate. It wasn't until he saw the sky outside the window turn a pale, chilly grey that he finally breathed a sigh of relief.
He washed up quietly. Su Qicheng was still snoring on the sofa, and Cheng Hui didn't seem to be awake in the bedroom yet. Taking advantage of the fact that no one was up, he slipped away to school.
Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw a boy in a grey school uniform standing there. The boy was looking down at his phone, a bag of soy milk and fried dough sticks hanging from his other hand.
Su Jingming froze, then strode forward. "What are you doing here? It’s not even seven yet."
Wen Yan looked up and locked his phone. "Didn't you say you weren't full? I brought you breakfast."
"..."
Wen Yan noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He reached out to brush his thumb against the corner of Su Jingming’s eye, his gaze full of concern. "Didn't sleep well last night?"
Su Jingming nodded honestly. "I'm hungry."
Wen Yan handed him the soy milk and led him toward a nearby breakfast stall. He ordered a bowl of rice noodles for Su Jingming. "No cilantro, no green onions. Thank you."
Only at this moment did Su Jingming remember exactly what he liked to eat and what he didn't.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 凉城 | Liang City | The city where the story takes place. |
| 小怪兽 | Little Monster | Wen Yan's chat nickname. |
| 咸蛋 | Salted Egg | Su Jingming's chat nickname. |
| 豆浆油条 | Soy milk and fried dough sticks | A classic Chinese breakfast combo. |
| 米线 | Rice noodles | A type of thin noodle made from rice. |
| 香菜 | Cilantro | Also known as coriander. |
| 葱 | Green onions | Scallions. |
