Want to Have a Relationship with You | Chapter 56 | The Fear of Forgetting | Novela.app

Chapter 58 - The Fear of Forgetting Su Jingming was gone, and with him, he had taken the very essence of Wen Yan’s eighteenth year. Wen Yan loathed that year. It was the year of his eighteenth birthday, a time that should have been defined by coming of age and newfound freedom, yet it had left him utterly powerless, stranded in a vacuum of his own making. It took a full week for Ren Wei to learn that Su Jingming had left Liangcheng. The moment he found out, the first person he sought out was Wen Yan. They agreed to meet at a quiet cafe, where Ren Wei sat with his face twisted in a knot of anxiety. Wen Yan arrived late, his expression a mask of hollow indifference that made the complaints dying on Ren Wei’s lips feel trivial. Ren Wei awkwardly stirred his coffee, which had long since gone cold. He looked at Wen Yan’s vacant eyes and asked tentatively, "Is he really... gone?" Wen Yan nodded slowly. "Yes." Ren Wei took a sharp, jagged breath. "Dammit... what kind of plot twist is this?" He ground his teeth, his voice rising with a hint of suppressed fury. "His mother never gave a damn about him before. Following her won't be any different than staying with Su Qicheng..." He stopped abruptly, his throat tightening. He knew Su Jingming’s family situation better than anyone. Whether Su Jingming was with his father or his mother, the boy was essentially an outsider in his own life. Ren Wei couldn't bring himself to finish the thought. Su Jingming’s life had been too bitter these past few years—so bitter that even a bystander like Ren Wei felt a sharp, aching pity for him. Wen Yan listened to Ren Wei’s stuttering silence. He took a sip of his coffee; he hadn't added any milk or sugar. It should have been incredibly bitter, but his palate was numb. He couldn't taste a thing. After a long silence, Wen Yan finally spoke. "Can you still reach him?" Ren Wei shook his head gloomily. "His old number is deactivated. He hasn't replied to any WeChat messages." Wen Yan had expected that answer, yet he couldn't help but ask. In this hyper-connected digital age, Su Jingming had managed to vanish like a drop of water in the ocean. He had effectively erased his existence. Wen Yan let out a silent, weary sigh. He rested his chin on his hand, staring through the glass window at the bustling crowds outside. The tide of humanity continued to flow, restless and unceasing, but in this city of Liangcheng, one specific silhouette was missing. A sharp, physical pain throbbed in Wen Yan’s chest, making it difficult to draw a full breath. He had no outward expression, no dramatic display of grief; he simply suppressed the turmoil, burying it in the deepest, darkest corners of his soul. *I miss you.* But "missing you" was all he had left. In a daze, Wen Yan recalled the day Su Jingming had said, *"Let’s stop loving each other, okay?"* In the end, Su Jingming hadn't waited for an answer. He had simply let go and hidden himself away. Between Wen Yan’s helplessness and Su Jingming’s ultimate compromise, only a few minutes had passed, yet it felt as though decades had bled away. Ren Wei downed his cold coffee in one go. "I only know that Auntie Cheng remarried and moved to the neighboring province. I don't know the exact location, but if you really want to know, I can try to dig around." Wen Yan’s throat felt like a parched, ancient well. After a moment of quiet contemplation, he whispered, "...Alright." "But don't get your hopes up," Ren Wei added, biting his lip. "If someone truly intends to hide, you won't find them no matter how hard you look. Wen Yan, to be honest... Ming-ge was only truly himself when he was with you. I’m glad he got to know you, and I’m glad he got to be with you." Ren Wei thought that this was likely the most sentimental thing he would ever say in his life. They didn't stay in the cafe much longer. After a brief, hollow farewell, Wen Yan stood still, watching Ren Wei disappear into the crowd. When he finally snapped out of his reverie, the faint, crisp sound of a bell chimed in his ear. Wen Yan slowly lowered his gaze to his wrist. The sight of the hand cord and the tiny bell sent a tidal wave of longing crashing over him. This spring was a memory he could never cut away, a season he refused to forget. He pursed his lips and raised his hand to shield his eyes from the harsh summer sun. His phone sat silently in his pocket, harboring secrets known to no one. Nobody knew how Wen Yan spent his nights, drowning in thoughts of his "Little Hero." No matter how many messages he sent, there was never a reply. He could only scroll through their old chat logs over and over, playing the single video they had together until the images blurred. He would sit in the dark, clutching the plain silver band in his palm. *It feels like I’ve lost the very purpose of my life.* Seeing Wen Yan’s condition deteriorate day by day, his parents cleared their schedules, staying home to keep him company. Even Wen Miao became uncharacteristically quiet and studious, burying herself in her books and never mentioning Su Jingming’s name. Whenever Wen Yan lapsed into one of his long, silent stares, his mother would secretly wipe away tears. When Wen Yan would finally come back to reality and see his mother’s red-rimmed eyes, the weight of guilt in his heart grew heavier. One evening, after having a bit to drink, Wen Yan’s father pulled him aside at the dinner table. "This is just how the world is," his father said, his voice heavy with a forced pragmatism. "Some things simply aren't allowed. You have a long road ahead of you; everyone makes mistakes when they're young." "What can two boys even do together?" he continued. "I believe this was just a case of puppy love, a fleeting impulse at a sensitive age. It’s not strange to have such thoughts, but the future is long. You should look toward new things." "Xiao Su is a good kid. He knows how to care for his mother, and he knows when to stop." "Decades from now, when you look back on this, you’ll realize how absurd and far-fetched it all was." "Don't make your mother worry anymore. Her health isn't what it used to be." As he spoke, the corners of his father’s eyes turned red. He pulled out a tissue, dabbing at his mouth and muttering incoherently, "Why is the food so spicy today? It’s making my eyes water." Wen Yan sat in silence, watching his father alternate between wiping tears and his mouth. His heart throbbed with a dull, rhythmic ache. "Dad, I..." "Wen Yan, some things are better left unsaid. Just keep them in your heart," his father interrupted, draining his glass. He stood up unsteadily and patted his son’s shoulder. "Your mother... her health really can't take another blow." After his father retreated to the bedroom, Wen Miao crept out of her room. Wen Yan stared blankly at the mess on the table before slowly, methodically beginning to clear it. Wen Miao stepped in to help. Wen Yan glanced at her with tired eyes but said nothing. The siblings worked in a heavy silence, broken only by the clinking of porcelain and the sound of running water. Once the last dish was dried, Wen Yan made a glass of lemonade and handed it to his sister. "Ge," Wen Miao whispered, "do you really not want to look for Jingming-ge anymore?" It was the first time she had spoken his name since he left. She had asked Song Yifei about him, but it was as if Su Jingming had evaporated. Wen Yan stood with his back to her, wiping the countertop. Wen Miao couldn't see how hard he was gripping the cloth, his knuckles turning white. "He’s hiding from me. What can I do?" Ren Wei was right. If someone wanted to stay lost, finding them was an impossible task. "But Jingming-ge wouldn't want to hide from you forever," Wen Miao insisted. "Doesn't he have that friend he's known for years? Maybe they..." "It’s hard," Wen Yan said, his voice flat. "It’s too hard." Wen Miao didn't know what else to say. She opened her mouth to offer comfort, but the words felt hollow. After a moment of stillness, Wen Yan asked softly, "Miaomiao, Su Jingming... he’s a good person, isn't he?" "He’s wonderful," Wen Miao replied instantly. "He saved me, he went to my parent-teacher meeting... that day he brought me home, he bought me so much food. He looks like a silly nerd, but he’s actually a total gentleman. So gentle." Wen Yan let out a faint, bitter chuckle. "Yeah. A person like that... so why can't Mom and Dad accept him?" He couldn't understand. Was gender really that significant? That night, Wen Miao lay in bed, her heart aching for her brother. She resolved to try and persuade her parents to accept Su Jingming. The next morning, she headed for her parents' room, intent on starting the conversation. However, as she opened her door, she saw Wen Yan emerging from his room across the hall. He was dressed in black from head to toe. He looked at her with a start, his voice dry as he muttered, "Good morning." Wen Miao froze. "Good morning." Wen Yan nodded slightly and walked toward the kitchen to start breakfast. Wen Miao stood frozen in the hallway, a faint chill creeping over her skin. For a fleeting second, she had mistaken him for Su Jingming. As time stretched on, Wen Miao began to forget what the old Wen Yan had even looked like. His classmates at school went through a similar transition—from initial shock to a quiet acceptance within a few days. The only one who couldn't stand it was Song Yifei. The first time he saw this new, expressionless Wen Yan—eyes cold and indifferent—Song Yifei’s temper flared. He lashed out immediately. "Look at yourself! What the hell have you turned into?!" Wen Yan’s reply was simple: "I look like him." "Dammit, you’re a lunatic!" Song Yifei barked. "I never realized you were this obsessed. He’s gone, and you turn into a ghost? Do you think your parents won't be devastated seeing you like this?" Wen Yan remained silent for a long time. "They’ll get used to it." Song Yifei was speechless. He fumbled for a cigarette, but his lighter failed to catch several times. Frustrated, he was about to throw it away when Wen Yan took the lighter from his hand and steadily lit the cigarette for him. In that brief flash of flame, Song Yifei realized there was no light left in Wen Yan’s eyes. Song Yifei smoked half the cigarette before crushing it out in a bin. "Wen Yan, is this really the way?" "Song Yifei," Wen Yan said softly. "Do you still remember what Su Jingming looks like?" "Of course," Song Yifei snapped. "He’s only been gone for three or four months. How could I forget?" Wen Yan nodded. His expression softened for a fleeting moment, a trace of tenderness flickering in his gaze as he conjured a mental image of the boy he loved. "Right now, I still remember his face," Wen Yan whispered. "But it’s been so long since I’ve heard his voice." He looked away, his voice barely audible. "I’m a coward. I’m terrified that I’ll forget... that I’ll forget the complete version of you." ***