Sitting in the swaying carriage, my mind replayed the scene of Eunuch Wang delivering the Emperor’s decree. His face had been a mask of helpless frustration, as if he felt I had offended the Emperor in some way he couldn't quite grasp, yet the Emperor had chosen not to punish me. This clearly left him feeling resentful. Though he didn't dare vent his frustrations directly, his tone was laced with reproach, as if he found me utterly ungrateful.
I had heard that he had been part of the Eastern Palace since entering the service, having watched Ming De grow up. Perhaps in his heart, like any doting parent, he could not tolerate anyone showing the slightest disrespect to his precious charge.
When I was standing by the training grounds watching the team’s equestrian drills, he had approached me with a slight frown, his voice trailing off with reluctance. "By the Emperor’s oral decree: His Majesty grants Master Xi two watches of leave. This old servant shall accompany you back to the Ji Residence for a visit." His expression was one of utter unwillingness. Even now, he preferred to sit outside on the driver's seat with his eyes closed, feigning a nap, rather than sit across from me inside—I suspected he simply didn't want to acknowledge my existence. I had originally intended to ask him why the Emperor had suddenly allowed me to go home, but seeing his strange reaction, I swallowed my questions.
When the carriage pulled up to the steps of the Ji Residence, Eunuch Wang said tonelessly, "By the Emperor’s command, this old servant shall wait for Master Xi here. Please, suit yourself."
I detest it when people speak with such snide ambiguity, and I initially intended to ignore him. But as I reached the main gate, I turned back, gave him a small smile, and said, "I am much obliged for your trouble, Eunuch."
The courtyard was quiet. The Pink Bell trees that Minzhi and I had planted were in full bloom, their familiar fragrance instantly stirring sweet memories of my childhood. I could almost see Minzhi and me, each holding an iron shovel to dig the planting holes, while Wu Xiu stood to the side with Minyan, smiling as they watched. Minyan had been clutching a small bucket, eagerly waiting to water the newly planted trees...
A string in my heart seemed to be pulled tight by these memories, the ache so sharp I nearly burst into tears.
A familiar figure strolled slowly down the path ahead. He seemed startled to see me.
I rushed forward and buried myself in his arms. Feeling his warm, large hand gently stroke the top of my head, I could no longer hold back the tears.
The fabric of his robe quickly soaked up my tears. I looked up, trying my best to force a reassuring smile. But my father’s eyes were slightly red, and the way he looked at me was as if he were gazing upon a long-lost treasure.
"Old man," I said, hugging him tight again, "my leave isn't that long. If you have any nagging to do, you'd better hurry up."
Father gave a strained smile. "Minzhi went to see a friend, and Minyan is still at the academy. Neither knew you’d be back today. Your mother worries every day, fearing your wild nature will cause trouble in the palace..."
I buried my head in his chest. His embrace was as warm as it had been when I was a child, though I had unknowingly grown so tall that I could no longer curl my entire body into his arms.
Father asked me, his voice very cautious, "What... are your plans now?"
I thought for a moment and decided to tell him the truth. "When Ming Shao returns, we’ll get married. After that, I won't show my face in public anymore. I’ll spend every day stewing tonics for you—you’ve grown thin."
Father remained silent, gently stroking my hair. With great difficulty, he said, "The Princess Consort Jing came by yesterday."
I looked up. His tone made me uneasy, and a dark premonition began to stir in my heart. Father avoided my gaze and sighed softly. "She said that Prince Jing is currently ill at home, so the wedding should be set aside for now. We’ll speak of it again once the Prince’s health improves. Also..."
"Also what?" I grabbed his sleeve, anxious.
"Marshal Chu may be sending someone back to the capital with important items; Ming Shao might be back very soon." As Father said this, the expression on his face wasn't as happy as I would have expected. Was there something else I didn't know? A thick shroud of unease enveloped me, one that even the news of Ming Shao’s return could not dispel.
I stared into Father’s eyes and asked uncertainly, "Are you hiding something from me?"
Father did not answer my question directly. He reached out and very tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair from my forehead. "Chao’er, you have been my most cherished child since you were small. If there is something you want to do, then do it. Do not worry about us."
His words fell heavily on my heart, sending out ripples of ill omen. But before I could respond, his hand dropped away, and his expression became more solemn than I had ever seen. "You must do what you truly want to do. Otherwise, I have spoiled you for nothing."
I reached for his sleeve, but he shook his head. "Go see your mother. I don't know when we'll see each other again..."
I walked toward the back courtyard, turning back with every step. Even when I was far away, Father was still standing there, watching me motionlessly. The breeze ruffled his long robe, and I suddenly realized just how much weight he had lost...
My little mother was sitting contentedly under the eaves, watching several cats fight. Seeing me enter, she gave a lazy smile. "You wild girl, you still remember how to come home?"
My nose began to sting again. I walked over and leaned against her legs, hugging her gently. She patted my head and said with a smile, "You haven't caused any trouble in the palace, have you? Even though your second sister holds a noble rank, you shouldn't always be a burden to her."
I smiled. "I’m an adult now; I can look after myself."
I held her hand—it was still plump and beautiful, smelling of the fragrance I knew so well. I said, "I’ve prepared some scented face cream for you. I was in too much of a hurry to bring it this time. In a few days, I’ll have someone leaving the palace bring it to you."
She smiled and rubbed my fingers. "A young girl like you doesn't use it, yet you give it to an old woman like me. People will say Wu Chao’s mother is an old vixen."
I wanted to laugh, but I felt a sudden, inexplicable pang of sorrow.
A flurry of footsteps came from outside, and Xiao Hei poked his head in. "That eunuch outside says the Third Miss must return to the palace immediately."
I froze. Didn't that old fellow say I had two watches of leave? Had he counted the travel time as well? This was clearly a petty act of revenge. I said fiercely, "Tell that old man I’m not leaving yet!"
My mother quickly stopped me. "You are in the palace now; how can you afford to offend them? Xiao Hei, go out and say the Third Miss is leaving immediately. Be polite!"
Xiao Hei stuck his tongue out at me and hurried away.
My mother sighed, her soft palm resting on my shoulder. "Mother knows you feel wronged. But in this life, if you don't bow your head when you should, you only make things harder for yourself. I don't expect you to be perfectly tactful, but some things just have to be endured. Didn't your father always say? Water that is too clear has no fish."
I nodded. "I’ll remember."
Like Father, she stood at the courtyard gate and watched me until the thick Pink Bell trees hid us from each other's sight. I had originally thought of visiting the First Mother, but seeing her would inevitably lead to talk of Wu Xiu. I decided against it.
By the time I returned to the palace, dusk had fallen. Ming De was still in the Imperial Study. Since I had entered the palace, I hadn't seen him go anywhere else; aside from visiting Wu Xiu, he seemed to eat and sleep there. This surprised me somewhat. I had heard from Su Fengjun that the palace had already selected over a dozen concubines by the Empress Dowager's order, yet Ming De hadn't seemed to have met them. Did he have no curiosity at all about his new wives?
When I entered the study, Ming De was writing at his desk. He only gave a slight grunt of acknowledgment when he heard my voice. Then he set down his brush and waved his hand, signaling the servants to leave.
Seeing that gesture, I couldn't help but think of the identical way Wu Xiu had dismissed her servants before her outburst. A sudden, inexplicable irritation rose within me.
Ming De walked slowly toward me, studying me closely. He seemed slightly surprised. "You went home for a visit; why don't you look any happier?"
I kept my head lowered and said flatly, "When I was at the Ministry of Justice, I could go home every day."
Though I didn't look up, I could feel his gaze fixed intently on me. After a long silence, I heard him sigh softly. "Are you blaming me?"
Maintaining my posture of humble submission, I said respectfully, "I would not dare."
He suddenly reached out and tilted my chin upward, forcing me to meet his eyes. His eyes were like black jade, cold and deep, where a churning sea of complexity slowly settled into a profound sense of helplessness. "You always look so unhappy. Tell me, what is it you truly want?"
His indulgent tone made me feel like an unruly child, which made me very uncomfortable. "Can Your Majesty grant my request?"
"Tell me," he said, a hint of warmth appearing in his eyes, as if my making a request was a great favor to him.
"I have no other extravagant hopes," I said, struggling to suppress the trepidation in my heart. "I only wish to resign from my official post and live a quiet life, raising a family like any other woman..."
A sudden pain shot through my chin. Ming De’s gaze turned sharp in an instant. "Raising a family? With Ming Shao?"
My heart sank. "I have been betrothed to Ming Shao since childhood. Your Majesty knows this."
Because he was so close, I could clearly see a vein throbbing at his temple. It made his refined features look almost predatory.
"Look at me," he said, roughly forcing my chin higher, his voice demanding. "Are you so eager to leave me? Have I not been good enough to you? You heartless woman—go outside and look at the Pink Bell trees throughout the gardens. I have never spent so much effort on any woman. What more do you want?!"
His behavior startled me, but I could only steel myself. "The palace is not where I belong. There is no... freedom here."
"Freedom?" He abruptly let go of my hand and paced irritably before me, his sharp gaze snapping back to my face. "What kind of freedom? The freedom to rub shoulders with a crowd of men?"
I recoiled at his phrasing. What did he mean by "rubbing shoulders with a crowd of men"? I clenched my fists and gave him a cold glance. "They treat me as a brother; they have no foul intentions. Furthermore, as long as my husband does not mind..."
*Slap!*
A flash of golden light exploded before my eyes, and my left cheek erupted in a searing, throbbing pain. I hadn't expected that blow. I had never guarded myself against the Emperor—because I never imagined an Emperor would personally strike someone.
I tasted something salty and metallic. I wiped my mouth; it was blood. It seemed the timing of the blow was poor; I had bitten my tongue.
I looked silently at the blood on my hand, feeling that I had taken this blow for nothing. Hadn't my mother just said "endure what must be endured"? A forgetful fool deserves to suffer.
I lowered my hands and bowed, my voice flat. "If Your Majesty has no further instructions, I shall head to the training grounds."
He said nothing.
I looked up. He was staring blankly at his own hand. I was the one who had been struck, the one who had suffered, yet why did he look like the one who had been wronged?
Since he didn't speak, I moved to withdraw. But as soon as I moved, it was as if he had been jolted awake. His gaze swept over and locked onto my face.
"I do not permit you to leave."
"I have already arranged for the team to conduct night drills at the training grounds," I reminded him calmly.
He stared at me stubbornly, his voice fierce. "I do not permit you to leave the palace. I do not permit you to marry—you had best put such thoughts out of your mind!"
My head throbbed. Suddenly, I remembered Father saying the Princess Consort Jing wanted to postpone the wedding... So that was it!
I struggled to suppress the shock and rage in my heart, forcing myself to remain calm as I asked, "How does Your Majesty intend to settle me? Do you expect me to serve in the Imperial Guard for the rest of my life?"
Ming De’s eyes flickered. "If you are willing, I will immediately issue a decree to bring you into the palace. I will build the finest palace for you, I will give you..."
I knelt again, my fingernails digging deep into my palms. I repeatedly cautioned myself: *Stay calm, stay calm...*
"What Your Majesty wishes to give me is not what I want." My voice trembled slightly, though I didn't know if it was from anger or fear. "Furthermore, for a sovereign to seize a subject's wife would damage Your Majesty’s reputation. I beg Your Majesty to reconsider!"
"You don't want it?!" He exploded into rage again. "You actually don't want it!" He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him once more. His eyes were full of madness, with not a trace of calm left. He lowered his voice, speaking through gritted teeth. "You ungrateful woman, you dare say you don't want what I give you!"
His grip was painful. Hardening my heart, I straightened my back and stared into his burning eyes, enunciating every word. "I do not want it! I will never be a caged bird!"
Something in his eyes shattered amidst the flames. He raised his hand and struck me again, landing precisely on the same mark as before—this blow was even harder than the first.
"Get out!" He released my chin and stumbled back a few steps.
I stood up. His face was as pale as paper, but his eyes glowed with a frantic red light. It was as if a fire were roasting him from within, threatening to make him burst. He backed away further until he hit the desk. He turned and swept everything off the desk onto the floor with a deafening crash.
Just as I turned to leave, I heard the sound of the desk being overturned—a thunderous noise.
Eunuch Wang rushed in through the curtains, his face pale with terror. He froze when he saw my face, then froze again when he looked behind me. But before he could speak, an inkstone flew straight at his head, accompanied by a roar: "Everyone, get out!"
The old fellow watched the inkstone flying toward him, paralyzed with fear.
I reached out and caught the inkstone, tossing it into his arms. He collapsed onto the floor, his body limp; I couldn't tell if he had fainted.
On the steps outside the curtain stood Consort Chen, her face masked with dread. She too froze when she saw my face, her gaze then shifting with complex emotions toward the crashing sounds coming from the Imperial Study.
I gave a slight bow and said flatly, "Greetings, Consort Chen."
Without waiting for her to speak, I turned and walked away. I thought I heard her utter the word "Third," but the sound was lost in the massive destruction occurring within the study—perhaps I had misheard.
On this moonless night, the shadows atop the abandoned palace buildings were long and dark. From where I stood, I could no longer tell if Zhu Bao’s team or Shi Yun’s team was in the lead. However, judging by the speed at which they scaled the roof, their use of the Yin-Yang Cords still required much practice.
It was nearly dawn. I reached up and touched my face; it was burning and had swollen significantly. Fortunately, it was night, and none of the team members had noticed. But with a face like this, how could I see anyone tomorrow?
Thinking of Ming De made me feel restless again. I had never imagined he would actually say, "I do not permit you to marry." What should I do now?
If I ran away now, Ming Shao wouldn't be able to find me when he returned...
I suddenly remembered what Father had said during the day. He must have guessed I intended to flee, which was why he told me not to worry about them. Judging by the Princess Consort Jing’s reaction, the Emperor seemed to have already made his intentions known to them. Perhaps they had proactively grasped the Emperor’s meaning—after all, they hadn't been particularly fond of me to begin with. Or perhaps the Emperor had placed some kind of pressure on them, forcing their compromise. I suddenly felt a twinge of worry: if the pressure was great enough, would Ming Shao...
My mind was in a turmoil, and I didn't notice Shi Yun running toward me. It seemed Zhu Bao’s group had lost.
I forced myself to focus and clapped my hands, signaling them to gather. "When your eyes cannot see, you must trust your senses. You must not only have a rapport with your teammates but also with the weapons you use most frequently..."
Something flashed in my mind.
"Now, put on your sandbags and run ten laps around the outer palace." I struggled to pull my attention back. "You don't need to gather again after the run; go back and rest on your own."
They gave a shout of acknowledgment and began fumbling in the dark to put on their sandbags.
I was still thinking about what I had just said: *When your eyes cannot see, you must trust your senses.* I asked myself: Do I trust myself? Do I trust Ming Shao?
I do.
I truly do.
I am as certain of it as I am that the sun will rise in the east after it sets.
I looked up at the pitch-black night sky, a decision slowly taking shape in my heart: even if I am to flee, I must wait for Ming Shao to return first!
***
