If I Wait Thirty Years | Chapter 83 | The Weight of a Promise | Novela.app

Lin Shaohua was at his wit's end when Sima Qiuyun finally returned on her own. She looked despondent, as if a demon had sucked the very soul out of her. Her face was deathly pale, her eyes hollow. She walked toward Lin Shaohua like a soulless husk. He stepped forward and took her hand; it was slick with sweat—in fact, her entire body was damp, as if she had just been fished out of water, and she was terrifyingly cold. "What happened to you? Where did you go?" Lin Shaohua’s anxiety poured out in a rapid-fire volley of questions. "Why was your phone off? What on earth happened? I woke up and you were gone, I couldn't reach you... I almost called the police..." Qiuyun finally lifted her head to look at him. That single look caused Lin Shaohua’s words to cut off as if severed by a blade. He was frightened by the expression in her eyes; he had never seen her look like this. In the moment he stood dazed, Qiuyun suddenly leaned forward and collapsed into his arms. She began to wail. It was a cry of utter helplessness and grief, heart-wrenching and convulsive. Even Lin Shaohua, who had no idea what had transpired, felt an inexplicable wave of profound sorrow and misery wash over him. "Qiuyun? Qiuyun!" Lin Shaohua guided her toward the sofa. "What happened?" Qiuyun only wept, her cries even more heartbroken than when she had seen Sima Feng in prison. Her tears flowed uncontrollably, quickly soaking the front of Lin Shaohua’s T-shirt. He reached for a tissue, only to realize the person in his arms had suddenly gone silent. She had fainted. *** When Qiuyun woke up, she found herself on an IV drip. Lin Shaohua had been guarding her bedside without leaving for a moment. Seeing her eyes open, he joyfully took her hand. "You're awake." "Have I... been asleep for long?" Qiuyun realized she was in a hospital. "You cried until you fainted. I brought you here," Lin Shaohua said. "It’s nothing serious; the doctor is just giving you some fluids to replenish your energy." "Oh," Qiuyun replied softly. The events of a few hours ago rushed back to her, and a massive surge of sorrow rose in her heart again, but her eyes could no longer produce tears. It wasn't just her eyes—her entire being felt like a riverbed that had run dry in the height of summer. "Qiuyun, what exactly happened?" Lin Shaohua asked with concern. "Can you tell me?" "I... I went to the cemetery in the western suburbs this morning." Qiuyun couldn't withstand his kindness. "The cemetery?" "Yes. I saw... the headstone of an old friend. The sight triggered old memories, and I lost control of myself for a moment." "So that was it." Lin Shaohua breathed a sigh of relief, then blamed himself. "I should have gone with you. The doctor said you aren't back to full strength yet; you shouldn't have such intense emotional fluctuations." "Thank you, Shaohua," Qiuyun said, her face clouded with sadness. "There you go being polite with me again. Oh, right," Lin Shaohua suddenly looked bashful, speaking with a hint of hesitation. "There’s something I want to talk to you about..." "What is it?" "Next week, let's go back to City C together. I’ve told my parents about us, and they said whenever you’re feeling better, you’re welcome to visit. I think it’s about time we settled things." Lin Shaohua was not a native of City A. He had stayed there after finishing university. His parents lived in City C, about two hundred kilometers away; both were retired civil servants. "Go to City C?" Qiuyun was caught off guard. "Yes. Or... I could have them come here to see you," Lin Shaohua added, his confidence wavering. "No," Qiuyun interrupted. She understood the etiquette regarding elders. "How could I let your parents come to see me... but, but..." But she wanted to refuse. Could she? From the very second she had opened her eyes in this era, she had been pulled into a massive whirlpool, swept along and pushed forward by an invisible force. Every time a great wave crashed down, she was exhausted just trying to cope. She would barely catch a breath of fresh air before being dragged back under the surface the next second, nearly suffocating. "But what?" Lin Shaohua looked up. "But..." Qiuyun suddenly felt she was being cruel. She had once asked Lin Shaohua why he did all this, and his eyes had answered her: "Love." So she stopped asking. That word was a beautiful, tender thing, but it was also a sharp weapon that wounded her and silenced her. It was as if "love" served as a protective talisman for him. However, Qiuyun wanted to tell him that she wanted to leave him. She was exhausted. Her heart did not belong to him; she had lost it long ago in 1988. The person who had returned was merely a walking corpse. She wanted to take care of Liang He, to accompany him through his final days. Yes, she was heartless and cruel; she was repaying kindness with enmity and showing base ingratitude. She deserved a wretched end. She accepted it; she accepted it all. Even if she were cursed by everyone or died for it now, she would accept it. Even if she had to live her next life as a beast of burden to repay him, she would do so willingly. "But..." Qiuyun finally spoke. Facing Lin Shaohua’s expectant gaze, her tongue trembled. Lin Shaohua’s eyes were entirely different from Liang He’s; he had the trendy single eyelids of the era, neither too large nor too small, perfectly suited to his sincere face. She summoned her courage and said, "But... but... I’m not in a very good state right now. My hair hasn't even grown back to its original length..." In the end, she changed her excuse. Lin Shaohua let out a sudden laugh. "My heart was in my throat; I thought you were going to reject me. It’s fine. You look great with short hair, too. I’ll take you to get a new style tomorrow. Actually, I haven't told my parents yet; I wanted to confirm with you before notifying them. So, shall we set it for next week?" Qiuyun looked at him for a long time, as if making a final decision, and then she nodded. *** That evening, seeing Qiuyun watching television on the sofa, Lin Shaohua sat down to join her. A comedy variety show was on; Lin Shaohua found it quite funny, but Qiuyun’s expression remained flat. "Don't you find it funny?" he asked. She forced a small smile. "It’s alright." "You seem a bit unhappy." "I’m not." Lin Shaohua reached out and pulled her into his arms. He felt her body stiffen slightly. However, she didn't resist, leaning against him loosely. She always seemed to be this way—neither cold nor warm. She had never said she liked him, but she never rejected him either. Before the car accident, they had been dating for several months and their feelings had been deepening. But the accident had put her in a coma for over a year, and the moment she woke up and saw him, he felt as though all their progress had vanished in a flash. He hadn't given up. If a person in a vegetative state could wake up under his persistent care, then a cold heart would surely be thawed by him sooner or later. At this thought, Lin Shaohua naturally stroked Qiuyun’s hair. Perhaps because she had just showered, she carried a faint, delicate fragrance. Suddenly, the jokes on the screen no longer held his attention. He looked down; her profile was as fair as the moon, her long lashes cast shadows downward, and her nose was small and elegant. Her obedient appearance reminded him of the phrase "fair as jade." He couldn't help himself and kissed her. Qiuyun’s head snapped up like a startled deer. Lin Shaohua smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Did I scare you?" The shimmer of alarm in Qiuyun’s eyes subsided. She became as still as a jade statue, looking at him with eyes devoid of both joy and sorrow. She slowly shook her head. "No." Lin Shaohua caressed her face and tentatively leaned forward, tentatively kissing her lips. There was no rejection. Up until now, they had maintained a gentlemanly distance. Even living under the same roof, they slept in separate rooms. Lin Shaohua was no saint, but he didn't want to force Qiuyun, especially since her body was still recovering. He had tried to kiss her before, but Qiuyun had turned her face away—an act of rejection—so he hadn't pressed her again. But tonight was different. Qiuyun didn't turn away, nor did she push him back. She even kept her eyes on him. Yes, Qiuyun watched him, enduring the sensation of physical intimacy. She had made her decision; she couldn't go back on it. Perhaps this day was bound to come sooner or later, just like his proposal—it was all a natural progression. She couldn't refuse. "Shaohua." Qiuyun pushed him away. Lin Shaohua snapped back to his senses, looking at her with confusion. She clearly hadn't rejected him just now, yet for some reason, she had called a halt. Qiuyun simply looked away, her body language saying "no." Lin Shaohua had no choice but to stop. "I’m going to the bathroom." Feeling the awkwardness of sitting in silence, Lin Shaohua prepared to stand up, but Qiuyun suddenly grabbed his hand. Her emotions were a tangled mess. Every second she closed her eyes, she saw Liang He’s face. She felt she ought to be crying now, but her tears had all run dry that morning. "I..." Qiuyun spoke in a low voice, like a child who had done something wrong. "I’m sorry." Sorry for what? And sorry to whom? Lin Shaohua patted her hand comfortingly. "It’s okay." "Shaohua," Qiuyun paused, then continued, "For the next few days, I want to move back to my own home." "Why?" Lin Shaohua sat back down. "I need to take care of an old friend," Qiuyun said, looking up. "He’s sick, very seriously ill. He might not have much time left. My house is closer to where he lives; it would be more convenient." "What friend? Doesn't he have family?" "No. The person... the person closest to him is already lying in that cemetery I visited yesterday." "If that’s the case..." Lin Shaohua thought for a moment. "I can drive you back and forth every day and help you look after him." "There’s no need." Qiuyun looked into Lin Shaohua’s eyes. "Your work is so busy, and he doesn't like being disturbed." Lin Shaohua fell silent. No one likes being rejected and then immediately having a request made of them. Qiuyun’s voice held a hint of pleading. "I’m really just going to look after a terminally ill patient." "But you haven't even fully recovered yourself. How can you take care of someone else?" It was a perfectly valid reason. "Shaohua, I’m not going to leave." Lin Shaohua looked at her, his words catching in his throat. "Don't you trust me?" Qiuyun looked at him without blinking. "It’s not that," Lin Shaohua gave a bitter smile. "It’s myself I don't trust." "Don't worry," Qiuyun said, as if sensing his true thoughts. She raised her left hand, where a sparkling diamond ring sat like a golden hoop, a constant reminder of her constraints. Qiuyun spoke gently yet firmly. "I’m not leaving. I’m just going to care for a patient for a while; I won't run away. I am still your fiancée. When I’m free, I’ll come find you." Having said that, she lightly poked Lin Shaohua’s still-tense face and smiled. "Even if I wanted to run, my father wouldn't allow it."