Liu Yaosheng came over again.
Bai Shi averted his gaze, avoiding the subtle, drifting looks she kept sending his way. Although she frequently sought out Pei Cangyu to discuss that novel, her attention was mostly fixed on Bai Shi. At her urging, Pei Cangyu had read a few chapters, and once he mentioned it, Liu Yaosheng became quite excited.
"How was it? Wasn't it inspiring?" Liu Yaosheng leaned forward slightly.
"Um..." Pei Cangyu thought for a moment and gave a mischievous grin. "It just felt... a bit far-fetched..."
"Far-fetched?" Liu Yaosheng frowned.
Pei Cangyu considered his words, looking a bit sheepish. "It’s just that the protagonist’s 'cheats' are too overpowered. He has top-tier grades and gets recommended to a university, he builds connections with all sorts of people despite having no background, he’s famous among the local thugs, and he’s an incredible fighter..." Pei Cangyu chuckled. "Maybe it’s just because I’m a loser, but I feel like achieving even one of those things would be impressive enough..."
Liu Yaosheng understood his point and nodded. "That’s exactly why it’s inspiring. It’s based on a real person."
"I believe there’s a real-life inspiration; it feels that way when reading," Pei Cangyu agreed. "But it definitely didn't happen exactly like that. I’m not saying it’s a bad read—it works fine as a power fantasy—but since I’ve hung around the streets myself, I don't really buy it."
Liu Yaosheng blushed slightly. She stole a quick glance at Bai Shi and pursed her lips. "But isn't the point that we can learn from that kind of spirit?"
Pei Cangyu was bewildered. "What spirit?"
"The spirit of gritting your teeth through life, of enduring hardships."
Pei Cangyu frowned as he flipped through the book. "Is there actually 'life' in here?"
Liu Yaosheng snatched the book back. "I showed this book to my mother, and she was deeply moved too. See? Maybe we don't feel it as strongly because we lack life experience, or perhaps our literary appreciation is just too poor."
Because she was a "good student," Pei Cangyu listened to her seriously and mulled it over before shaking his head. "No, that’s not it. Those aren't the same thing."
Just then, Tang Qi walked over and took the book from Liu Yaosheng. "Oh, have you finished it? Don't you feel encouraged?"
Pei Cangyu didn't know what to say, so he just gave a noncommittal grunt.
Tang Qi sat down next to Liu Yaosheng—directly in front of Bai Shi and Pei Cangyu—and joined the tedious conversation.
Bai Shi then bore witness to the two girls' praise for the book. To extol a piece of writing, they didn't hesitate to disparage the reader's own experiences and spirit, using an imaginary hero to guide their lives. This hero had been steeped in "hardship" from the moment he hit the ground; a mountain of suffering was piled onto him, and then the author used their own unscarred soul to inhabit the protagonist, fantasizing about a hero who slays dragons and becomes a master of life. The bizarre part was that the reason the "hero" possessed normal insights and a calm mindset was that the "hero" was the author themselves—someone who had grown up quite smoothly, living a mediocre life and following a standard educational path. They sat in a high tower, gazing at the blue sky through a window, lamenting that they wished to turn into a swallow to battle the storm.
Even though everyone knew it was impossible—that the author couldn't actually handle it and was just talking—it wasn't necessarily a crime. Imagination is never a crime. If the hardships and dilemmas an author writes are so melodramatic that they make the reader uncomfortable, it simply means their skill is lacking or their attitude is arrogant; it doesn't necessarily reflect on their character. However, followers like Liu Yaosheng were truly frightening. She used her shallow thinking to seek a sense of reality in an obvious fantasy novel—which wasn't worth criticizing in itself—but she forcibly pushed it onto others. If she adored inspirational stories, why not promote the story of Andrew Carnegie? Though the myths of wealth creation are often more fiction than fact, and more about luck than ability, he was at least a tangible figure. Why choose an obscure novel, dress it up in flowery language, and hawk it to others with such self-indulgent intoxication?
Bai Shi didn't understand.
He watched the two girls happily discussing the book, trying to draw Pei Cangyu into their shared sentiment. He turned to look at the Class Monitor. People were truly different. He finally understood why Pei Cangyu liked the Class Monitor; it was only human nature.
At that moment, he also finally understood Liu Yaosheng’s calculated air of reserve: her grand theories, her embroidered prose and long-winded narratives, the book lists she loved to compile, her tendency to relate trivial matters to the grand sweep of history, her insistence that she loved "lowbrow books" and wasn't a refined person while repeatedly and subtly mentioning the foreign-language originals she had recently read, the way she seemed to play every game and watch every show but couldn't answer more than three questions about any of them...
Bai Shi understood.
She was a poser.
That’s right—women could be posers too.
As the saying goes, it takes one to know one, just as one poser will inevitably loathe another. Bai Shi was exactly that kind of person. He had a penchant for posturing; he knew it, and he had no intention of changing. He was determined to maintain his persona forever.
Now, he had found one of his own kind.
And having found her, how could he tolerate her? One mountain could not hold two kings of pretension.
Bai Shi stood up without a word and walked toward the back door. As he turned the corner, he stole a glance. Sure enough, Liu Yaosheng and Tang Qi, who were still talking to Pei Cangyu, instantly lost interest. They would likely return to their seats before long.
Bai Shi went downstairs, walked from one end of the corridor to the other, came back up the stairs on the opposite side, and returned to his seat. By then, Liu and Tang had already gone back to their places. The long break finally ended, and Bai Shi sat down calmly.
Pei Cangyu stared at the unreadable novel with a frown before stuffing it back into his desk.
This was the downside of collective campus life: you couldn't escape it, there was no freedom, everyone influenced everyone else, and everyone was influenced by the teachers. As an Aquarius, Bai Shi didn't like it.
Pei Cangyu took out a pen and looked up at the returning Bai Shi. "Where did you go?"
"A walk."
Pei Cangyu opened a test paper and asked casually, "Hey, which high school are you planning to apply to?"
"I don't know. You?"
Pei Cangyu looked at him with a pained expression. "I don't know either. We get our scores first and then apply, right?" He sighed and slumped onto the desk. "But I want to get into the same school as the others."
Bai Shi turned to look at Monkey and the rest in the front rows, then said to Pei Cangyu, "You know, all good things must come to an end."
Pei Cangyu waved him off impatiently. "I know." He sat up, stared at Bai Shi for a moment, and suddenly laughed. "Right, you’re exactly the kind of person who pours cold water on everything. You have a comeback for everything; you really shouldn't be likable."
The "New Prince" realized his cultivation was still lacking.
So, after school, he went to see Shang [ ].
He entered without knocking. Shang [ ] was painting her nails red. She looked up at the visitor and curled her lips. "We meet again, Bai Shi."
Bai Shi walked in and sat down. "Can women be posers too?"
Shang [ ] glanced at him but didn't speak. She slowly finished painting one nail before opening her mouth. "It is human nature to try to appear more outstanding than one actually is." Shang [ ] admired her nails against the setting sun and noticed a corner wasn't even, so she switched to a smaller brush to continue. "Is it still Student Liu and Student Tang?"
Bai Shi didn't deny it.
"Did you know? Only Narcissus would be enchanted by his own reflection and turn from a story into an adjective. Ugly people hate mirrors." She finished her nails, gently twisted the cap shut, and smiled at Bai Shi.
Bai Shi gazed boredly out the window. "So you’re still trying to say that the problems I see in others are just reflections of my own?"
"Let’s not talk about that." She crossed her hands and stared at Bai Shi. "I heard you had an adventure over the winter break?"
Bai Shi turned his gaze back. "How did you know?"
"So it’s true?" Shang [ ] laughed. "That’s quite impressive. It was a success, a real step forward."
Bai Shi looked at her sternly. "How did you know?"
"I have friends at the Lizhi Institute." Shang [ ] leaned forward. "You’ve changed a lot. Has anyone told you?"
Bai Shi remained silent.
"Do you feel a bit more of a sense of control now?"
Bai Shi glanced at her.
"But you’re still quite far from being truly at ease, aren't you?" Shang [ ] propped her chin on her hand, her palm pressing into the flesh of her cheek. The pose made her look very young.
"Are you really a psychologist?" Bai Shi narrowed his eyes at her.
"I’m not, but I can help you." Shang [ ] uncharacteristically tucked away her smile.
Bai Shi had an indescribable intuition telling him that he should stay as far away as possible from people with murky backgrounds. But if he left these chance opportunities in his life and returned to his spiderweb-like home to be a silent mosquito, it would be far too boring.
Regardless of what this person’s goal was or why she wanted to help him, Bai Shi didn't want to ask. His lack of defensiveness wasn't due to trust, but simply because he didn't care. Even if something terrible happened that brought hardship to the Bai family, Bai Shi asked himself and realized he truly didn't care. He had no sense of fear. Whether it concerned himself or the Bai family, in the process of growing up, he had never been afraid of anything. It was as if he had no feelings at all.
So, he agreed.
He asked, "How will you help?"
Shang [ ] smiled broadly. She found a mirror under the desk, set it up, and turned it toward Bai Shi. "First, let’s practice smiling."
"I know how to smile," Bai Shi remarked coldly. "Childish."
Shang [ ] pointed to her own face. "Am I smiling?"
Her face was radiant with a smile.
Bai Shi shook his head.
Shang [ ] nodded, lowered her head for a moment, then looked up again, pointing to her face once more. "And now?"
"..." Bai Shi was stunned. "How... do I learn that?"
Shang [ ] dropped the smile. "So that’s the kind you want. Something gentler?"
Bai Shi nodded. "Gentler. Something that looks like there’s no distance."
Shang [ ] added, "Something more sincere?"
"You can't learn sincerity," Bai Shi said, shaking his head. "Just something gentler."
Shang [ ] seemed a bit troubled. "Gentleness isn't easy to learn. You have to suppress some of your own will."
"What do you mean?" Bai Shi’s face stiffened.
Shang [ ] took down the mirror and sat up straight to look at Bai Shi. "Have you heard the saying, 'One should be oneself'?"
Bai Shi nodded.
"But it’s difficult if a person’s nature and their desires are at odds," Shang [ ] stared at him. "For example, you want a gentle appearance for a certain reason—that is your desire. But your nature is selfish, caustic, cold, and vengeful. If you disguise yourself as another person, it will be very difficult. Don't argue; I just listed some of your flaws. Tell me, what are you thinking? Are you angry?"
Bai Shi felt nothing.
That wasn't what he was concerned about. "So, can it be learned?"
"Yes. Do you have a template?"
A template?
Bai Shi only had to think for a second before the Class Monitor’s face jumped into his mind—that gentle smile where even the eyelashes seemed to radiate kindness, the kind of smile that could make someone as starved for love as Pei Cangyu fall head-over-heels while not daring to possess it.
He nodded.
Shang [ ] clapped her hands. "Then it’s simple. Let’s make a plan."
As she spoke, she stood up to get paper and a pen.
Bai Shi watched her back. Although he didn't know who she really was and didn't care what threat she posed, he felt it was probably best to remain wary of her.
Ah, what time was it?
Bai Shi abruptly turned to look at the clock. Pei Cangyu should have finished school by now. Lately, Pei Cangyu left as soon as school was over, no longer lingering with Pi Gou and the others. Bai Shi intended to go home with him.
So he stood up. Shang [ ], who was at the bookshelf, turned to look at him. "Are you leaving?"
Bai Shi nodded and picked up his school jacket. Only when he stood up did he realize he was taller than Shang [ ]. He dazed for a moment, realizing he was truly growing very fast.
Shang [ ] leaned against the bookshelf. "Speaking of which, I haven't met him yet. Can't he wait for you?" She spoke with a hint of teasing. "Do you really have to be in such a rush?"
Something in Bai Shi’s mind snapped. His hand holding the jacket stopped. "Not necessarily. He’ll wait for me."
"Is that so?" Shang [ ] crossed her arms. "Well, I suppose it should be worth it."
Bai Shi suddenly felt a surge of irritation because this woman saw right through his spoken and unspoken thoughts, including his reason for learning to "smile." This strange "lesson" taking place at dusk, if brought into the light for Pei Cangyu and the others to see, would seem utterly ridiculous. His life was so disconnected from Pei Cangyu’s, and his personality was so far removed from that of a normal person. Then this woman said "it should be worth it," making Bai Shi’s attempt to bridge that gap look pathetic—like a disabled person trying to compete in hurdles against Usain Bolt, as if even the effort itself was pitiable.
But Bai Shi believed he had control over Pei Cangyu. He could make Pei Cangyu always consider his feelings even in a crowd; he could make Pei Cangyu stand up for him; he could make Pei Cangyu break into a mental asylum for him in the dead of night. He could certainly make Pei Cangyu wait for him for hours under a streetlamp. Bai Shi deliberately avoided thinking that perhaps it wasn't that "he could make" Pei Cangyu do these things, but rather that it just happened to be Pei Cangyu. Everything was because Pei Cangyu chose to do those things, while he, Bai Shi, was merely a waiting "object." If Pei Cangyu stopped, he would be essentially powerless. That was the pathetic part.
To prove that no such pathos existed, Bai Shi would make Pei Cangyu wait for him. He could do it.
Bai Shi put his clothes back down, trying to make his tone sound casual. "Then let him wait a bit."
As he spoke, he sat back down and sent a text to Pei Cangyu, telling him to wait at school so they could go back together.
Pei Cangyu replied quickly: "Okay, where did you go?"
Bai Shi turned off his phone and placed it on the desk. He crossed his legs and elegantly tapped the tabletop. Although he hadn't yet learned to be truly at ease, he was still young. One day, he would achieve it.
Shang [ ] smiled and walked around behind him. When she was behind his back, she suddenly leaned down, pressing on his shoulders, and whispered close to his ear, "Your temper is truly awful."
Bai Shi didn't move. "Is that all?"
She chuckled in his ear, her breath warm. The scent of her perfume enveloped him. Bai Shi could hear the sound of her lips parting and closing, the sticky sound of lip gloss. "Your personality is so twisted. I truly pity him."
Bai Shi suddenly felt very pleased, because those words implied that "he" couldn't escape. To Bai Shi’s ears, it sounded like a blessing.
They sat there aimlessly, simply to prove that Pei Cangyu wouldn't leave.
Shang [ ] checked her watch. "It’s 8:30."
Bai Shi glanced at the screen full of messages from Pei Cangyu, then flipped it back over. "No rush."
They didn't leave until nine o'clock, and it took another fifteen minutes to walk to the school.
As soon as Bai Shi turned the corner, he saw Pei Cangyu from two blocks away.
Pei Cangyu was squatting alone by the school gate, leaning against a utility pole. He was staring blankly at a stinky tofu stall by the road, his face full of exhaustion.
It wasn't until Bai Shi called his name that Pei Cangyu turned around dazed. The moment he saw Bai Shi, he exploded. He lunged to his feet and, without a word, kicked Bai Shi. He kicked with such force that Bai Shi nearly toppled over.
He was truly angry.
Pei Cangyu grabbed Bai Shi by the collar and hauled him upright. "Are you a fucking idiot?!! Are you stupid? Did your phone fall into a septic tank? I fucking..."
He stopped mid-sentence when he realized there was someone else there.
His cursing halted. He stared at the lady, his expression caught somewhere between "furious" and "confused," looking rather strange. The lady smiled and extended her hand first. "Hello, Student Pei. Do you remember me? I’m Shang [ ]."
Pei Cangyu racked his brain, forgetting he was still clutching Bai Shi’s collar. Bai Shi cooperated by leaning down, his face right next to the thinking Pei Cangyu.
Pei Cangyu couldn't remember. He started to feel awkward and had to look to Bai Shi for help. When he turned his head, he saw Bai Shi’s face magnified right in front of him. Only then did he realize he was still holding the guy's collar. He quickly let go, not forgetting to grumble, "You could have said something..."
Then he looked up and whispered, "Who is this?"
Bai Shi lowered his head and whispered back, "A psychological counselor."
"Oh, oh." Pei Cangyu quickly looked at Shang [ ]. "Hello, Teacher."
Everyone present could tell that Pei Cangyu hadn't remembered her at all.
But never mind.
Shang [ ] bid them both farewell, gave Bai Shi a meaningful look, and swayed away in her high heels.
Bai Shi turned to look at Pei Cangyu, who was staring intently at the teacher’s retreating back. Bai Shi wondered how he should explain his relationship with the teacher if Pei Cangyu asked—how to make a private meeting that lasted until 9 PM seem normal and unrelated to romance.
Before Bai Shi could decide, Pei Cangyu turned back. To Bai Shi’s surprise, his face was dead serious.
He patted Bai Shi on the shoulder, his face full of sympathy. "Brother, if you’re gay, you’re gay. Trying to 'cure' it all the time isn't the answer. If it comes down to it, just live your life like this, okay?"
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
刘瑶笙 | Liu Yaosheng | A female student, classmate of the leads.
唐淇 | Tang Qi | A female student, classmate of the leads.
商□□ | Shang [ ] | A counselor/psychologist. The name contains censored characters.
爽文 | Power fantasy / Gratification novel | A genre of web novel focused on the protagonist's success and overcoming obstacles easily.
装逼 | Poser / Pretentious / Posturing | Acting in a way to impress others or appear superior.
水瓶座 | Aquarius | Bai Shi's zodiac sign.
丽治所 | Lizhi Institute | Likely the mental health facility/asylum mentioned in previous chapters.
班长 | Class Monitor | The person Pei Cangyu has a crush on.
臭豆腐 | Stinky tofu | A common Chinese street food.
