“Do not give in. You must never give in. Si Jiang.”
The curtains were drawn tight, leaving no gap to reveal the time of day.
A single desk lamp was lit in the bedroom—cheap and old-fashioned, it looked entirely out of place in the room. The lamp cast a dim, amber glow, its glass shade reflecting flickering points of light.
The doorbell had been ringing incessantly, but the person inside seemed not to hear it.
“Damn it!”
Chen Bai cursed under his breath, glancing at his phone after another failed call. He decided to abandon etiquette and punched in the passcode. Although he knew the code to Si Jiang’s door, Si Jiang had become increasingly obsessed with privacy lately and didn't appreciate unannounced visits.
So, Chen Bai had dutifully pressed the bell for a while. No one answered.
Messages went unread, calls went ignored, and he hadn't shown up for class. Chen Bai felt like he was Si Jiang’s mother from a past life, rushing over in a panic to find him. He couldn't help it; he was terrified the guy would do something drastic. He would never forget the sight of those blood-stained hands.
“Si Jiang? You in there?”
Chen Bai changed his shoes and walked toward the bedroom. The sprawling bachelor apartment was silent, devoid of any sound or sign of life.
He absentmindedly brushed a hand against a piece of furniture; it was covered in dust. He frowned. What was going on? Had the cleaning lady not been here in days?
No—his nostrils flared as he caught a strange scent wafting from the direction of the bedroom. The closer he got, the stronger it became: a mix of something scorched and a heavy, cloying fragrance.
*Click!*
He pushed the door open abruptly. The sight inside made him freeze in his tracks.
The entire room was filled with burning candles. Melted wax had pooled and solidified across the floor like bloody tears shed by the floorboards. The air was so thick and stagnant it was suffocating.
The bed was empty, save for a mess of clothes with a phone discarded on top.
“Old Si?”
Chen Bai lowered his voice, carefully stepping around the candles as he ventured further in. When he saw a candle with a high, flickering flame positioned right beneath the curtains, he nearly jumped out of his skin, leaning down immediately to blow it out.
His heart wouldn't stop racing. The more he saw, the angrier he got. Was he trying to start a fire now? Maybe he should just haul him off to the police station for a cup of tea and be done with it.
Finally, he found a curled-up figure on the floor by the side of the bed. Chen Bai yanked back the duvet covering the figure, revealing Si Jiang.
Si Jiang was clutching a pillow, huddled in the corner with his head buried in it. A strap was looped around his neck and tied tightly to the foot of the bed. He appeared to be asleep.
Chen Bai took a deep breath, knelt down, and nudged his shoulder.
“Hey, Old Si.”
*Still alive? You didn't kick the bucket from carbon monoxide poisoning, did you?*
Amidst the flickering candlelight, Si Jiang pried his eyes open. He looked at Chen Bai, but his pupils were unfocused, showing no sign of drowsiness. It was as if he had never been asleep at all, or perhaps as if he hadn't yet woken up from some other world.
Chen Bai felt a pang of unease at that look and quickly patted his face. “Old Si, what’s wrong with you?!”
Only then did Si Jiang begin to blink slowly, his gaze gradually focusing on Chen Bai’s face. His eyes were dull and grey.
“Oh, it’s you.” His voice was devoid of emotion.
A vein throbbed in Chen Bai’s temple as he suppressed his temper. “Who else would it be?”
*For God’s sake, who else besides a sucker like me would bother with you?*
Ignoring him, Si Jiang propped himself up and sat on the floor, his fingers moving with practiced ease as he untied the strap from his neck. There were faint ligature marks on his skin.
Chen Bai stared. “What the hell is this? Playing BDSM with yourself?”
“I’m conducting an experiment.”
“What experiment? An escape drill to see how fast you can untie yourself while flirting with arson?!” Chen Bai pointed at the sea of candles.
Si Jiang followed his gesture, his expression unchanging. “Oh. The experimental tools. I might have used a few too many.”
He stood up and methodically extinguished every single one, snapping off the wax chunks and piling them to the side.
“...Did you take your meds?” Chen Bai asked.
“I did.”
Not just one or two; he had taken many.
Hearing this, Chen Bai let out a sigh of relief. “Good.”
He couldn't stand Si Jiang’s sluggish movements any longer. He ran over to yank the curtains open and push the window wide. “If it stays this stuffy, I’m going to suffocate!”
Stung by the sudden intrusion of sunlight, Si Jiang instinctively raised an arm to shield his eyes.
“What are these?” Chen Bai’s voice rose in alarm again. “You’re telling me this is the result of taking your meds? Si Jiang, has your condition worsened again? Have you gone for a follow-up?”
Chen Bai rushed over, grabbed his wrist, and pulled it into the light. His arms were covered in scratches and bite marks of varying depths.
Si Jiang shook him off and pulled his sleeve down. “I told you, I took them.”
“Then what happened here?”
“Experimental results.” A look of exhaustion crossed Si Jiang’s face. “These are the results of my experiment over the past week.”
Chen Bai’s lip twitched. “What kind of experiment exactly?”
*Wait, it couldn't be...*
“That even without her, I can get a good night’s sleep.”
“Anyway, why are you here?” Si Jiang asked.
“You have the nerve to ask me that? Did you forget what day it is?”
“...What?” Si Jiang asked, pinching the bridge of his nose where a dull ache was throbbing.
“Your class has the basketball semifinals this afternoon! You missed your morning classes, and your classmates came looking for me!”
Chen Bai was at his wit's end. He felt as though ever since he’d ‘saved’ Si Jiang, he’d inherited a debt from several lifetimes. He worried about everything, effectively transforming from a best friend into a live-in nanny.
Si Jiang paused, reaching for his phone. It wouldn't turn on; the battery was dead. He felt around the head of the bed, eventually fishing a charging cable out from a gap in the mattress and plugging it in.
The phone powered on, displaying a flurry of missed calls and the time. It really was the day of the semifinals. He had been living in such a daze lately that he’d lost track of which way the sun rose.
He picked out the class group chat on WeChat and replied: *On my way to school now.*
The response was instantaneous: a "kneeling in gratitude" emoji.
Only then did a sense of reality finally return to him.
“Wait a bit. I’m going to take a shower.”
Chen Bai watched as Si Jiang swayed unsteadily into the bathroom. *Seriously, man? Not even a thank you? Besides, looking that haggard, how are you going to play basketball? You’ll be lucky if you can even jump!*
By the time Si Jiang had cleaned himself up and stepped out of the bathroom, he found Chen Bai sitting on the window seat, snapping pieces of wax apart as if venting his frustration.
“Oh, you’re out.” Chen Bai looked over with a cold face.
Then his brow furrowed. *Wait, how did this guy suddenly look so energized after a shower?* He was a world away from the gloomy wreck who had gone in. Look at those eyes—they were bright enough to burn.
“Let’s go,” Si Jiang beckoned.
“You’re okay now?” Chen Bai asked.
“I’m fine.” Si Jiang felt a surge of manic energy; he could feel his blood starting to boil.
He had made it. No matter what, he had survived these past few days. See? Even without Zong Yan, Si Jiang could still make it through the night. He had resisted the urge to call her and had endured all those evenings. This proved he could completely break free from her!
Chen Bai remained non-committal. He looked at the mess on the floor, the mysterious strap, and the dark circles under the man’s eyes, offering a look of sincere skepticism. “I hope so.”
The sun was bright, the air was fresh, and even the traffic jam felt leisurely. Si Jiang sat in the car, humming a tuneless little melody as the breeze from the window brushed lightly against his face.
He was in a wonderful mood. It felt as if all his burdens had been lifted. He felt his life was full of hope again.
*Beep beep.*
The car next to them honked twice. Si Jiang looked over to see a window rolling down. A beautiful woman lowered her sunglasses and gestured toward him.
“Hey, handsome. Since we’re stuck in traffic together, want to exchange WeChats?”
Si Jiang smirked and held out his phone. “Sure.”
He would do whatever he wanted now, including a little flirtation.
“Cool car,” the woman said, giving a thumbs up.
Si Jiang replied, “Thanks for the compliment. Yours isn't bad either.”
Beside him, the "driver," Chen Bai, was speechless. *This is clearly my car.*
Buoyed by the beautiful woman’s interest, Si Jiang was in high spirits. He accepted the new friend request and began scrolling through her social media feed. Although Chen Bai was exasperated, seeing Si Jiang back to his old, roguish self made him feel much better.
“How is she? That girl,” he asked casually.
“Not bad. A model,” Si Jiang replied.
“Starting a new life?”
“Of course.” Si Jiang reached out a long arm, rummaged through the car for a pack of cigarettes, tucked one between his lips, and let Chen Bai light it for him.
A thin trail of white smoke drifted lazily toward the sky. He exhaled a smoke ring with a sigh of satisfaction. “Haven't had one in ages. That feels great.”
Seeing him happy, Chen Bai also lit a cigarette and smiled. Regardless of everything else, it was good to see his brother acting normal again. For a moment, he seemed to forget the scene he had witnessed just half an hour ago—a scene that was anything but normal.
When they arrived back at school, the bell had just rung for the end of class. A swarm of students poured down the stairs.
Si Jiang immediately spotted the guys from his basketball team. He raised a hand. “Hey!”
Noticing him, they all ran over excitedly.
“Senior Si Jiang! You’re finally here. We thought something had happened to you.”
“Exactly! We can’t do this without you.”
“You scared the life out of me.”
Si Jiang thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of being flattered. With a flick of his wrist, he snatched a basketball from someone and spun it on his fingertip.
“Don’t worry, I’m here. Today, there will only be one result: we win!”
At the tail end of the crowd, several girls walked down together. The tallest among them had a distant, cool expression. She looked up, saw Si Jiang, and paused for a heartbeat before walking straight toward him.
The basketball slipped from his fingertip and was caught by someone else.
Zong Yan stopped in front of him. She opened her mouth to speak but caught the scent of smoke. She closed her mouth and took a step back, a hint of distaste in her expression.
“Why was your phone off?” she asked. “And you skipped class.”
Si Jiang wanted to smile and tell her it was none of her damn business.
But his throat went dry. He suddenly found himself unable to make a sound. He felt the vibrant colors of the world beginning to bleed away from him again.
*No, stop! Stay!*
His throat worked several times before he managed to force out a few dry words.
“None of your business.”
***
