Su Jingming ultimately heeded Cheng Hui’s words. When he finally returned to Liangcheng, he caught the very tail end of autumn.
The moment he stepped off the plane, he instinctively pulled his trench coat tighter around himself. He had almost forgotten what autumn in Liangcheng felt like.
Su Jingming hadn't told anyone he was coming back. Like any ordinary traveler, he exited the airport carrying a single, simple suitcase. Seeing the familiar streets and the yellowing leaves, his expression turned dazed. It was as if a valve had been opened on the memories of that year, allowing longing and nostalgia to pour out.
Su Jingming rarely revisited his memories of being seventeen or eighteen, but he still couldn't withstand the sorrow brought on by the familiar sights.
To this day, he still hadn't figured out where he had found the courage to leave so resolutely back then.
If you asked Su Jingming if he regretted it...
He wouldn't dare answer. In his twenty-odd years of life, there were too many things he regretted. So many he couldn't count them all.
Su Jingming found a hotel in the city center to settle down. He stared silently at the view outside the window. Perhaps the Su Jingming of the past could never have imagined that upon returning here, he would no longer have a place to call home.
He left the hotel, but instead of taking a taxi, he walked to a bus stop and boarded a random bus, not knowing how many times its route had changed over the years. It was three in the afternoon, and the bus was nearly empty. Streaks of light filtered through the windows, one after another, only to vanish into the shadows as the bus moved.
Su Jingming sat in the very last row. He looked out the window expressionlessly. These were clearly the streets from his memory, yet they refused to overlap perfectly with the images in his mind.
Su Jingming clicked his tongue softly, resting his forehead against the glass pane, swaying slightly with the motion of the vehicle.
Suddenly, he sat bolt upright. The bus came to a stop at that exact moment.
The No. 2 Middle School before his eyes was exactly as he remembered it. The school gate hadn't changed, and the security guard still sat in his chair, clutching a massive thermos of tea. The plane trees in front of the gate were just as they had been five years ago, dyed in the hues of autumn.
*"You walk without making a sound?"*
*"Just pretend I'm a ghost, walking silently."*
*"What's this?"*
*"Tiga."*
Su Jingming remembered. It was here that Wen Yan had given him the Ultraman Tiga figure. A dense, suffocating longing began to crawl over his heart as he recalled what Wen Yan had said back then: *"I want to understand you."*
A single wish for understanding.
Yet it had kept them entangled for so long.
Su Jingming felt like a thief, desperately pushing back every thought and memory, terrified that someone might see through what he was thinking. His fingers, resting on his knees, gradually tightened until the sensation of his nails digging into his palms became sharp and clear.
He couldn't describe his current mood. It was like finding a source of water in the desert, only for it to vanish before he could even quench his thirst.
His throat felt incredibly dry.
It wasn't that he didn't have the impulse to get off the bus, to look at No. 2 Middle School again, to find the traces of where they had once been together.
But the Su Jingming of today was no longer a seventeen-year-old boy; his body no longer acted faster than his brain.
At twenty-three, Su Jingming had become steadier than before, and more adept at suppression.
Su Jingming took a deep breath. He opened the window and stole a glance back, but the silhouette of No. 2 Middle School had long since disappeared.
*I must be disappointed, right? I'm so close, yet I don't even have the courage to approach.*
Su Jingming found himself laughable. He had left so coolly, so decisively back then. Only upon returning did he realize that he was the coward all along.
What "courage"?
That was nothing more than an excuse he had manufactured to run away.
Su Jingming admitted he was weak and cowardly. He couldn't withstand the pressure from Wen Yan’s parents. He had seen it too clearly—the disappointment and sorrow in their eyes.
Wen Yan was the son they were so proud of. How could he destroy him?
Su Jingming, who had always been submissive to fate, had made the most unwilling compromise of his life.
The bus gradually left the city center. By the time Su Jingming snapped out of his thoughts, they had reached the final stop.
Stepping off the bus, he realized he was at the summit of Fengshan.
The oncoming autumn wind severed the thread of his musings.
The Liangcheng beneath his feet was more prosperous than it had been five years ago. He stood in place, and when he turned around, he saw the same pavilion.
The pavilion looked like it had been renovated; it had a fresh coat of paint, and the old, broken lamp hanging inside had been replaced with a new one.
Su Jingming lowered his eyes. Every step he took toward it was agonizing.
It was here that he had wished Wen Yan a happy eighteenth birthday.
That year, the clumsy Su Jingming, who didn't know how to speak well, had used his most sincere tone to offer a blessing.
*"I hope you stay safe and sound, that everything goes smoothly for you, and that you are forever happy."*
"Everything goes smoothly"... in the end, his wish hadn't come true.
Thinking of this, Su Jingming found it difficult to breathe. Though the pavilion was only a few steps away, he couldn't force himself to take another step.
It was also that day when Wen Yan had said, *"I like you, and it has nothing to do with gender."*
No matter the time or place, Wen Yan was always bold enough to admit in front of others: *I like you.*
He liked him blatantly.
He liked him cautiously.
Even at the very end, Wen Yan was still saying, *"I like Su Jingming."*
And what about himself? From beginning to end, he had never admitted it.
The only time he had bared his emotions was during the scene he wouldn't dare forget for the rest of his life.
*Wen Yan, let's stop loving each other, okay?*
Without waiting for Wen Yan’s answer, he had unilaterally severed their mutual affection. In front of their families, he had once again fled in panic.
Su Jingming stood rooted to the spot. The pavilion before him seemed to be drifting further and further away. Without him realizing it, tears had begun to stream down his face. Passing tourists looked strangely at the young man.
No one would ever know that this place had once witnessed the love of two boys.
Su Jingming hadn't expected the aftershocks of returning to Liangcheng to be this powerful. He thought that by living in Wen Yan’s way all these years, he could keep the secrets of that year buried in his heart. Instead, he had been stripped bare, leaving not a single shred of his composure behind.
He sat on Fengshan for the entire afternoon, only leaving when the driver kindly reminded him that this was the last bus back to the city.
On the way back, he sat in the last row again. He took out his phone and opened WeChat, his finger hovering over the login interface.
Su Jingming felt he was cruel. After leaving, he had canceled his phone number and never logged into that WeChat account again. Every time he wanted to log in and take a look, he would find countless excuses. Over time, that account became like a locked shackle that no one could open.
Perhaps the longing was too overwhelming this time. By the time Su Jingming realized what he was doing, he had already logged in.
He watched as the "Receiving" status at the top of the screen turned into "WeChat (999+)".
The person pinned to the very top had a long string of "99+" notifications next to their name.
Su Jingming resisted the urge to click on it. He scrolled down. Most were group messages or messages from Ren Wei and the others.
Ren Wei’s messages stopped five years ago. His rants were mostly the same, ending with a voice note.
Su Jingming clicked it. Ren Wei’s slightly drunken voice came through: *Brother Ming, you're gone... who's gonna let me copy their homework now...?*
Su Jingming laughed as he listened. He played the voice note over and over again. It was as if he were back at No. 2 Middle School, back to the days when Ren Wei spent all his time trying to copy his work.
He finished reading the messages from Ren Wei, Song Yifei, and Li Yang one by one.
Only then did Su Jingming breathe a sigh of relief. When he returned to the main interface, he still hadn't clicked on the pinned message.
Su Jingming didn't know what kind of mindset he was in as he looked at it. He lowered his eyes and swallowed hard, his thoughts and his heart engaged in a futile struggle.
The world is full of coincidences—for instance, the driver stepping on the brakes at just the right moment. Following the momentum, Su Jingming’s finger tapped the screen.
He scrolled up bit by bit. His hand was shaking so hard he could barely hold the phone; he instinctively used his other hand to steady his wrist.
He took a deep breath.
**Little Monster:** Su Jingming!!!
**Little Monster:** Give me some time, I will definitely handle this.
**Little Monster:** Didn't you promise not to hide anymore...
**Little Monster:** Didn't we agree not to regret it...
Su Jingming felt as if a knife were twisting in his heart. After those messages, there was a long period where Wen Yan sent nothing.
He kept scrolling.
**Little Monster:** I went to the math competition. It's still that godforsaken place. Old Tu asked me why you didn't come this year.
**Little Monster:** Little Hero, I got first place. Old Tu and Old Zhou were very happy. What about you? Are you happy?
Further down.
**Little Monster:** Happy New Year. Didn't you promise we'd spend the New Year together? You're the one who went back on your word.
**Little Monster:** You're so cruel, Su Jingming.
**Little Monster:** ...I miss you so much.
Later, the interval between Wen Yan’s messages grew longer. Su Jingming calculated the time; that was when senior year was at its busiest.
**Little Monster:** It's senior year. Study hard and take care of your health.
**Little Monster:** Do you believe the earth is round?
**Little Monster:** Good luck on the Gaokao.
Su Jingming’s vision grew blurrier and blurrier. Tears splashed onto the phone screen one by one. Once in university, Wen Yan seemed to have more free time; he shared interesting things about his school life every day. Every one-sided conversation ended with: *I miss you so much.*
Su Jingming didn't know how many times Wen Yan had said it. His heart felt so swollen with ache that it was about to burst. His fingers were numb from trembling, and the blank spaces in his mind were gradually being filled.
The person he loved most had been forced to speak to a void for five years.
At the very end, Su Jingming’s phone vibrated slightly.
A message from Wen Yan was not late.
He said: **It's been five years, and I still miss you so much. Every single day, my hero.**
Su Jingming felt as if he had been transported back five years. All the composure he had built up over the years collapsed in an instant.
With trembling fingers, he typed a few words on the screen.
**Salted Egg:** Me too.
***
