Want to Have a Relationship with You | Chapter 59 | The Meaning of Return | Novela.app

When Wen Yan saw the reply, his entire body froze. He stared at the message, unable to believe his eyes. *Me too.* He missed him too. Five years—a long stretch of over one thousand eight hundred days and nights. Wen Yan had lost count of how many times he had said those words. *I miss you so much.* The moment Su Jingming sent the message, he was dazed. It wasn't until a voice call request came through almost instantly that he hesitated for a few seconds before his trembling finger pressed 'accept.' His lips quivered as he heard a soft, light chuckle from the other end. "Since you miss me, say it to my face. It shows more sincerity, doesn't it?" Many years ago, on New Year’s Eve, Wen Yan had braved the wind and snow to stand before him just to say "Happy New Year" in person. So many years had passed in the blink of an eye, yet he was still the same—still so impossible to resist. It was Wen Yan’s small, thoughtful details that slowly dismantled Su Jingming’s armor, piece by piece, until he reached the core. Having not heard his voice for so long, Su Jingming’s breathing became incredibly slow and shallow, as if he were afraid of missing even the slightest sound from the other side. Wen Yan appeared calm, but his palms were soaked with sweat, and his heart felt as though it were about to leap out of his chest. He was still the same as before, waiting quietly. As the minutes and seconds ticked by, Su Jingming’s fingertips grew numb, and his mind spun out of control. *I have so many things I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.* It wasn't until the bus slowly pulled into a stop that Su Jingming snapped back to reality, hearing the announcement of the current location. Just as Su Jingming was about to speak, he heard a rustling sound of movement from the other end of the line. Wen Yan couldn't help himself: "You're back." "Yeah." Su Jingming stepped off the bus and scanned the surrounding streets. His voice was low and raspy, different from when he was a teenager. "Do you remember that internet cafe where I spent the whole afternoon playing games with you?" "I remember," Wen Yan said immediately. "I'm coming to find you. Don't run off." Su Jingming had once secretly fantasized about what it would be like if they met again one day. Perhaps it would be filled with excitement, or perhaps restraint. In some ways, they shared a perfect, unspoken understanding. The moment Wen Yan heard the bus announcement, he had instinctively started walking toward the entryway. He hadn't felt this excited in a long time. Every street he crossed, every gust of wind that hit his face—it all felt sweet. He had almost forgotten that he was a person capable of such emotion. Su Jingming wrapped his trench coat tighter around himself and stood in front of the internet cafe with his hands in his pockets. He tilted his head slightly, casting his gaze into the dark night. The hand hidden in his pocket began to tremble uncontrollably, and his heartbeat gradually quickened. Whether it was his own sensitivity or a trick of the senses, he heard the sound of irregular, heavy breathing, causing his entire body to stiffen. Su Jingming swallowed hard. With his back to Wen Yan, he slowly closed his eyes. His thoughts drifted back to that day—the day he had told Wen Yan not to run off. How had Wen Yan replied to him then? He was trying to remember. Wen Yan bent over, taking several deep breaths. His gaze was burning, as if he wanted to see right through Su Jingming’s back. He seemed even thinner than he had been five years ago. Wen Yan took a long, deep breath. After steadying himself for a few minutes, he stood up straight and walked toward Su Jingming, step by step. Every step carried his endless longing. Just as their elongated shadows on the ground were about to overlap, Su Jingming suddenly spoke. "I didn't run off. I haven't moved a single step." Wen Yan’s eyes widened slightly, and he pulled the man into his arms with forceful intensity. He held him so tightly that Su Jingming, with his back still turned, could hear Wen Yan’s heavy, ragged breathing right against his ear. Two burning hearts finally found peace in that moment. Wen Yan buried his head in the crook of Su Jingming’s neck, wishing he could merge the man into his very marrow. "When did you get back?" Wen Yan asked, his voice thick and hoarse. "...Today." Wen Yan gave a soft "mm," his grip tightening further. "Do you still want to play games with me?" Su Jingming froze, frowning. "What are you talking about?" Hearing Su Jingming’s confused question, Wen Yan let out a soft laugh by his ear. He suddenly let go and turned Su Jingming around to face him. He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but Wen Yan saw a trace of gentleness in Su Jingming’s eyes. Suddenly, as if realizing something, he reached out and tenderly caressed the reddened corners of Su Jingming’s eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Where are you staying?" "A hotel." Su Jingming brought Wen Yan back to the hotel. Their reunion should have been joyful, yet it was so awkward they didn't know where to begin. A moment later, Su Jingming took a bottle of mineral water from the fridge and tossed it to Wen Yan, who was standing by the window. Wen Yan looked up calmly, gave him a small smile, opened the bottle, and began to drink, gulp after gulp. Su Jingming stood where he was, cautiously observing Wen Yan. He had changed. Su Jingming couldn't quite put his finger on how. The twenty-three-year-old Wen Yan was different from the eighteen-year-old Wen Yan; the contrast was immense. Every detail he knew about Wen Yan had been frozen in time five years ago. The two remained in a tacit silence, both quietly sizing the other up. Suddenly, a crisp metallic sound echoed off the floor. Su Jingming looked toward the sound. A plain silver ring lay by Wen Yan’s feet. Su Jingming: "..." Wen Yan raised an eyebrow slightly, leaned down to pick up the ring, and slid it onto his finger. "Sorry, my hand slipped." "...It's fine." Su Jingming’s gaze remained fixed on Wen Yan’s finger. He was about to ask something when Wen Yan pointed at the ring. "It's the same one from five years ago." How could Su Jingming not recognize that it was the same ring? He clenched his left hand, his thumb nervously rubbing the base of his middle finger several times. After a long silence, Su Jingming spoke. "Wen Yan, how... how have you been these past five years?" He really couldn't think of any other way to start. Wen Yan’s eyes were deep and dark, his features carrying a hint of cold detachment. Seeing this expression, Su Jingming’s heart skipped a beat. *He must still blame me.* Su Jingming lowered his eyelids, not daring to look any longer. He only heard Wen Yan’s raspy voice say slowly, "Not good." Su Jingming’s expression shifted, his eyes glued to the floor. Wen Yan chuckled. "Where did the courage you had when you replied to my message go, Su Jingming?" His voice was no longer the gentle one from memory; it carried a faint edge of sarcasm. It was as if the person who had just held him so desperately wasn't him at all. Su Jingming didn't answer. Wen Yan walked up to him and pinched his chin, forcing him to look up. Seeing Su Jingming’s flickering, uncertain gaze, the tightness in Wen Yan's chest and throat intensified. "What are you hiding from, Su Jingming? Didn't you promise back then that you wouldn't hide? What is the meaning of coming back now? How did it feel, seeing all those messages I sent you vanish into the void? What were you thinking?" Wen Yan’s breath fanned across Su Jingming’s face. Su Jingming’s vision blurred as he looked into Wen Yan’s eyes. His hands, hanging at his sides, clenched into fists. He couldn't force out a single syllable. The thought that his cowardice and weakness back then had created the Wen Yan standing before him today made his heart ache. It hurt so much he could hardly remain standing. In a daze, he seemed to see the Wen Yan of five years ago, tears streaming down his face. Su Jingming took a quiet, deep breath and locked eyes with Wen Yan again. Wen Yan gripped his chin firmly and kissed him. This kiss was different from five years ago; it was rough, a predatory act that slowly stripped away Su Jingming’s reason. Su Jingming instinctively grabbed the front of Wen Yan’s shirt. He was kissed until he was nearly breathless before Wen Yan finally let him go. Wen Yan looked down, his eyes dark, and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Su Jingming’s lips. His low, husky voice sounded in Su Jingming’s ear. "Didn't I say it? I haven't been good. Do you still not understand?" His words were forceful, surrounding Su Jingming and gradually consuming his remaining sanity. Only then did Su Jingming realize the true weight of Wen Yan’s words. This answer was five years late. And it was this single answer that made Su Jingming’s eyes well up with tears once more. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Su Jingming lowered his head, repeating those three words over and over. Hearing this, Wen Yan felt as if his heart were breaking. He couldn't bring himself to be cruel to the man in his arms. He sighed softly and nuzzled against Su Jingming’s ear. His voice returned to the one in Su Jingming's memory—gentle as a spring breeze in April. "I was going crazy. I really was going crazy." "My little hero, you really will be the death of me." "Don't leave again, okay? Whatever happens, I'll take care of it." "Trust me one more time, okay?" *I spent five years trying to become you.* In just a few short hours, I found the true meaning of my life again. Wen Yan suddenly felt the past five years become a blur, like a dream he had been submerged in for a long time. And now, finally, he had woken up. *** **Glossary** Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation ---|---|--- 咸蛋 | Salted Egg | Su Jingming's WeChat handle. 小怪兽 | Little Monster | Wen Yan's WeChat handle. 小英雄 | Little Hero | Wen Yan's nickname for Su Jingming. 网咖 | Internet Cafe | A common setting for their past interactions.